Chapter 4 - Music Box Superhero
Jacob arrived well before lunchtime, and while I should have been upset with him, I couldn’t be. He was obviously anxious to speak to me and possibly clear things up, so I welcomed him into the house and told him to help himself to whatever he wanted. I was still quite full from yesterday’s hunt, so I didn’t care for any food at the time. When I told him I wasn’t eating, he said that he didn’t want anything, which I knew wasn’t true. All the wolves could eat, humorously enough, like wild animals.
I thought back to all the time I spent with the pack growing up in Forks. There were certain people I saw more than others due to the split packs – Jake, Seth, Leah, Quil, and Embry – but Jacob took me to La Push often enough that I knew the others well. Despite being a Cullen, everyone always made me feel welcomed. Now I had a new understanding about their kindness.
I wonder how much they’d like me now.
There were so many questions in my mind, accompanied by far too many implications. My entire life had been spent trapped on this tightrope between my conflicting “ages.” To me, the pace of my life was the only thing I had ever known, so I thought it was normal. However, as I grew and observed the world around me, I began to realize how different I truly was from every single person I knew.
I remembered, almost shamefully, how Jacob never drew attention to the things that made me different or unique. Even my family couldn’t say that. The way my parents fawned over me, though out of love, never allowed me to forget that I was special, but with Jacob, I could just be myself. When we played, hunted, talked, or did anything else together, he was my friend and confidant.
I was still trying to pinpoint some exact moment or turn of events that had made me shy away from him.
The fact was, I had been over it in my head a thousand times or more. There wasn’t a defining moment. Our distance expanded over time, just as our relationship had grown closer over the years prior to this complicated one.
The more I analyzed and made myself remember the ways that Jacob behaved and treated me in my life, the more I saw the effects of the imprint. He was everything and anything I could need – guardian, confidant, jester, teacher – that much was undeniable. I wanted to run to my room and flip through the photo albums Rosalie and Alice had so carefully crafted for me. I wanted to see proof in those photographs, something to show me, to prove to me that this was all real.
Then I realized something. I didn’t need photographs. The answers were right there with me in my family’s living room.
I paused from cleaning up my textbooks and folders and turned my attention to Jacob. Without speaking, I stared at him, and he stared back at me.
There.
It was right there.
The adoration.
The devotion.
The love.
The need to decipher whatever was bothering me and make it better.
The undeniable truth that I was his sun, his moon, and his North Star.
It had always been there, in his eyes and in his heart, but today was the first time in my entire life that I recognized it for what it truly was…what it meant.
I stumbled backward, tripping over myself and falling toward the floor, yet I never made it there. Jacob moved so quickly that I was cradled in his arms, far from the hardwood beneath our feet.
“Whoa there, are you okay?” he asked, slowly loosening his grip to right me and make sure I had my balance back.
All I could do was blink and nod my head at the reality literally staring me in the face.
“I need a minute,” I said suddenly, dashing to the bathroom and locking myself inside.
After a few minutes alone, I managed to calm myself enough to reemerge and join Jacob once more.
“Sorry about that,” I muttered.
“Don’t apologize,” he replied quickly. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. Everything that has happened is my fault.”
“Not everything.”
“It may as well be. I can’t imagine things would have gone this way if I had been honest with you from the beginning.”
The path we were heading down wasn’t looking good, so I decided to be proactive and redirect the conversation. “Enough of that. Let’s just…say what we need to say.”
“Do you hate me?” he blurted.
I stared at him in disbelief and was shocked to find that his question and expression were completely sincere. How could he believe that I would hate him?
“No, Jake. Don’t be silly.”
“So this is silly to you?”
“No,” I snapped, calming immediately after the word was said. “This situation is not silly, but you thinking that I could ever hate you is. Are we clear?”
He nodded, rubbing his hands together nervously.
“Let’s sit,” I suggested. We did, and I waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, I spoke again. “How do you want to do this?”
“I don’t know, really. Do you want to tell me about school and stuff lately?”
“Not especially. I don’t think small talk is going to help anything. We need to address this, don’t you think?”
“Yeah…yeah, you’re right.”
With that agreement, the conversation that had been looming finally began.
“Tell me what you’re feeling,” he requested. It was so much bigger than he could understand, but I would try.
With a deep breath, I said the first thing that came to mind. “I’m overwhelmed.”
He pursed his lips, but didn’t interrupt.
“My whole life, I’ve lived in a world that is different from everyone but this small community we have here. There have been secrets interspersed throughout this way of life, yet beyond all that, an even bigger, crazier, more serious secret was being kept from me. After all that time in the dark, being thrust into something so severe and heavy…it’s rocked my foundation. It makes me feel like I don’t know who I am anymore, or really who anyone is for that matter, especially you.”
I waited…and waited…and waited for a response. Jake was strangely stoic, and I could not get a read on what he was thinking about what I had just told him. Very minutely, he began to shake his head, humming softly as a strange partial smile crept onto his face. It wasn’t a look of happiness, and I had no idea how to translate that reaction.
“Jake?”
He hummed in acknowledgement but did not speak.
“What’s going on?” I asked carefully.
“You just described my life.”
I shifted uncomfortably, trying to understand what he could possibly mean.
He looked over my head, staring off into the distance. “The small community, that was growing up on the rez. The secrets, in the form of mystic campfire stories and legends of the tribe that turned out to be the frightening truth. None of us knew that the tales of descending from wolves and being enemies of the cold ones were true until our change first occurred. No one told us until we were sick in bed, feeling like our bodies were breaking apart from the inside and our minds expanded and contracted to adapt.”
I had never imagined that it had been that way for him. The wolves were a fact of my life. I knew that they were the guardians of the tribe, that it was only a few particular families that carried the gene, and that a very long time ago they had fought their first vampires, but the secretive aspect of it all made me empathize with Jacob in a new and heartbreaking way.
“The worst part was that my dad knew it could happen to me, and he never told me. Sam, Jared, Paul, and Embry all went through it before I did, so he knew it was coming. I can remember thinking at the time that everyone was looking at me funny. I didn’t understand why the guys were acting so strange and reclusive, so when they stared at me as if they were waiting for me to join them, it made me so angry. I later learned the reason, of course. They really were waiting, and I never knew it.”
“Oh Jake, that’s awful,” I said, feeling a sudden urge to wrap my arms around him and offer some comfort. Instead, I inched closer across the couch. I was holding back because of this wall that had gone up between us recently, and I hated it. It shouldn’t have been that way; the awkwardness should never have existed. Quickly closing the gap between us, I threw myself against him and hugged with all my might.
“Thank you,” he said quietly when our embrace broke.
I moved back to my end of the couch and held a pillow to my chest.
“I can’t imagine how you felt back then.”
“Well, I’m sure your mother could fill you in on some of the details. She was around before I first phased, so she knew how the strange behavior in the tribe affected me. The worst betrayal I felt was from Billy, though. After my sisters left, he and I were all the other had. He knew it was practically inevitable, especially when I started growing so fast, and he still didn’t give me a clue. He also didn’t tell me that he was more or less the Chief and that I would carry that role when the tribal elders passed away.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Jake.”
I truly meant it. Stories had been told over the years, but I didn’t know those kinds of details. It must have been so difficult for everyone in the beginning.
“Nessie…I mean, Carlie, sorry…I didn’t tell you all that to gain your sympathy.”
“Why then?” I asked, involuntarily leaning toward him again.
“Don’t you see the similarities? You’ve grown up in this world full of secrets, but the one that could change you life the most – the one you deserved and were entitled to know more than anything else – was kept from you. You thought one thing, while behind your back, everyone else saw your future from a completely different perspective.”
Frozen in my place, I pondered his words, unable to reply.
“I should have done something different or found some way to tell you. All that I ever wanted was to protect you and give you a normal life. I didn’t want you to feel like I was in your life because I was waiting for something. It hasn’t been that way for me. Everyone second I have spent with you from the moment I first held you has been exactly where I wanted to be.”
“What do you feel now?” I asked because I had to know.
He looked at me and shook his head as though telling me that he didn’t want to say, but I needed this. I knew that he would give it to me if I pressed, both because of the way he had always been with me and now with the new knowledge of his actual, concrete devotion to me and my desires. Even though my conscience told me it was wrong, I tested those boundaries and asked him insistently to tell me. He buckled without further hesitation.
“It’s nothing that words can fully describe to you. The same palpable attachment is there that always has been. You’re the center of my universe, even more important to me than the tribe. That’s the hardest part to explain because you’re also sort of equal to the tribe for me. Beyond protecting the Quiluetes physically, I have an innate need to…ensure the future in other ways.”
“Other ways…like descendants?” I asked, gulping audibly.
“Yeah…” He dragged the word out through clamped teeth, scratching his head uneasily.
“Okay,” I said, taking another deep breath as I allowed more details to sink into my mind. “What else?”
“You really want to know this?”
“Yes.” That word completely contradicted the way I said it, but that didn’t matter. He would tell me.
“My first desire is to want what you want. When you’re hungry, I want you to be fed and full. When you’re excited, I want to continue that joy. When you’re upset, I want to right whatever wrong has made it that way. Carlie, that is the reason this week has been such hell for me. The reason you’re upset is me and my lies, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“I haven’t asked you to fix it,” I countered.
“You don’t have to. I feel it anyway.”
We gazed at each other for several minutes, and with each one that passed, my body relaxed. This was Jacob. He had been so good to me for so long. He didn’t deserve to see me unsettled in his presence.
“Do you love me?” I asked, my tone even. I had fought myself to make it that way.
His eyes closed in a long blink, and when they opened, there was something new in them. “Yes, I’ve always loved you and I always will, but I don’t think that’s what you mean. I believe you want to know if I’m in love with you. Am I right?”
I nodded, unspeaking.
“I will be,” he whispered. “I’m on the cusp of it. I can feel it in every cell of my body. My instincts know that it’s too soon and that you’re too young to be my mate right now, but there is no doubt in my mind that it’s going to happen.”
He was holding something else back, but those words were enough. My mind was racing already, and I didn’t want to know more. Not yet. Maybe someday he could tell me other details and share more of his feelings, but I couldn’t take anymore without breaking down from the pressure and tidal wave of emotions this was causing.
“I think…” I began, trying to find the right words.
Jacob stopped me. “I think you need a break. I should go and let you process all this.”
As he got up to leave, I didn’t try to stop him. He was right about me needing to process. With each new bit of information I received, the more time I required to work through it all. I wondered if my mind would ever catch up with everything I was learning.
Just as he was about to walk outside, I called to him. “Jake, wait!”
“Yeah?” he asked, hand still on the doorknob.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
He nodded a silent acknowledgement and left without another word.
**********
When I was with Seth, it was so much easier to forget about Jacob for a while.
When I was with Jacob, there was little I could think of other than our complicated, confusing situation.
But when I was alone, the floodgates were open.
In just a week’s time, I had already grown incredibly tired of analyzing, over-analyzing, pondering, wondering, vacillating, and dithering.
There was a part of me that wanted to see Seth for so many reasons. I craved his company and the comfort I felt around him. He had been so sweet to visit and leave that rose for me, especially after the conversation we had in the woods about me smelling like a garden to him. More than anything, I knew we needed to confront what we were and put a name or title of some sort on it. That was also the part I wanted to avoid the most.
Making this thing with Seth real would undoubtedly impact Jacob. I knew that I hadn’t fully accepted what or who I truly was to Jake, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to jump into a relationship with someone he had trusted implicitly for so many years. Then again, I had to wonder how and if things would be different if it weren’t Seth I was falling for right now.
Had I gone to high school on my own and developed a crush on one of my classmates, would it be as upsetting to Jacob? The question of whether it was me being with someone else or me with Seth in particular that bothered Jacob weighed heavily on my mind. Without seeking Jake’s opinion, I knew who could possibly answer that for me.
My parents had arrived home shortly after Jacob left, which was a good excuse for me to avoid Seth a little bit longer. They asked me about my weekend, and I told them everything. It wasn’t just that Daddy would see it all anyway. A new circle of trust had formed between us since the night of the dance, and maybe even before that when my dad came to me about my desire to go with Seth in the first place. For a fraction of time, I wanted to be upset that they had played a part in withholding the truth of Jacob’s imprint from me, but the manner in which he took full responsibility for that did not allow me a reason to blame them. As it was, they had supported me, answered all my questions, provided clarifications, and given me the freedom to spend time with Seth.
They trusted me to make the best decisions and do the right thing, so I, in turn, trusted them with the details and the truth.
“I think it might do you some good to get away, sweetheart,” Daddy suggested after our conversation. “What would you think about going to spend some time with your Grandpa Charlie?”
“I would love to see him, but what about school?”
Mom laughed lightly at my question. “I think you can afford to skip a few days, though I am glad that you enjoy it enough to worry about your absence.”
“You’re not, like, sending me away, are you?”
“No, baby. We’re just hoping that a little ‘out of sight, out of mind’ can help.”
“You’ll come with me?”
“If you’d like,” Daddy said.
“And I would love to see Charlie,” Mom added.
We called Grandpa immediately and made plans. We would leave Wednesday after I returned home from school and we would drive to Forks together to visit until the following Wednesday morning. I was uncertain how Jacob and Seth would take it, but Daddy heard my concerns play out in my mind and assured me he would speak to them.
“They won’t be coming along,” my mom assured me. “You need time away, so if they try to follow, we’ll go elsewhere. Is that all right with you?”
I agreed with the plan and eventually returned to the school work I had attempted to finish this morning before Jacob arrived. I would need to stay ahead of things if I was going to miss a week of school. Unlike my family, I needed sleep and didn’t have endless amounts of time to complete homework.
Seth had tried to call me a couple times and had sent some text messages throughout the day, so I finally gave in and returned his call once all my other obligations were taken care of for the night. I apologized for letting another day pass without seeing one another, but he assured me that he understood. In a roundabout way, he told me that he knew Jake had come over earlier in the day to speak to me and that he understood my desire for alone time after that.
He was so sympathetic and sweet to me about everything that I felt quite selfish and guilty for not taking the time to consider how he was coping with everything. I didn’t fully understand the imprinting process quite yet, which meant that I had no way of knowing what it was doing to Seth.
My parents had inferred that pack members were not allowed to interfere with or hurt the person someone else imprints on, unless like in my case, I made the decision first. He had resisted my initial pursuit at the dance, and that was what led to our explosive encounter in the woods behind the school. It had to be difficult for him to justify becoming involved with me, but he was still there, still acting as though he did want something more.
I had a lot to consider. I found myself wishing that we could escape immediately. Just the fact that I thought of it as escaping was a clear indication that it would be very good for me to get away for a while.
Even if I had wanted to – which I wasn’t completely sure about just yet – I could not move forward with Seth before I had this time away. I hoped that by spending time with my family and no wolves that I would be able to shovel through some of this mess and figure out as much as possible on my end.
That was why I tried to pull back from Seth for the next few days. We didn’t hold hands quite as much, and he didn’t linger as long in the evenings after our homework was complete. It was an unspoken change, but he accepted it without question. I was thankful that he was so attuned to my needs that he understood that it wasn’t a rejection, just an attempt to keep my mind from becoming clouded with unchaste thoughts. He still kissed me lightly each night before leaving my house, and I was grateful for that. It let me know that he was willing to pull back, but that he was still interested in me.
I said my goodbyes to Seth after school on Wednesday, and then went over to the house to hug Jacob and tell him I’d try to call while we were away. My parents had visited him after our conversation Sunday so that he would be prepared for my absence. He thanked me for coming over to see him before we left, and that was the extent of our exchange. A short while later, I was in the car with my parents, speeding down the highway toward Forks, Washington.
**********
“Well, Miss Carlie, you certainly look different from the last time I saw you!”
“Grandpa, you always say that,” I giggled as he hugged me, then pulled back to give me a once-over.
“I do, but only because it’s true. You’re almost as tall as I am now. You were at least two inches shorter last time.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I agreed, smiling brightly for my doting Papa. “And thanks for remembering the name thing.”
He chuckled at me, smoothing his facial hair unnecessarily. It was his nervous tick, and I always found it rather adorable. It was part of what made him Papa in my mind. “Well, how could I forget when it’s the name you were given for your handsome grandfathers?”
“Especially this one,” I said poking him.
“Oh, I don’t think I could compete with Dr. Cullen, but you’re a sweetheart, little girl.”
Leaning close to his ear, I whispered to him. “Grandpa Carlisle may look like a TV star, but you’re a regular Harrison Ford, Papa.”
He reared back, laughing loudly and looking toward my daddy.
“Oh, Edward, my boy, I see you’re not the only charmer in the family! Did you teach her that?”
“Hey, I’m plenty charming. Why couldn’t it be from me?” my mom interjected with a hint of teasing in her tone.
“Honey, this boy had you dazzled from the first time you met. That kind of charm is a Cullen trait through and through.”
Sue joined in the banter, defending her Charlie’s ability to woo and enchant until we were all laughing with delight.
Once I was settled, my parents left me with my grandpa and Sue, saying that they would be at the old house and to call if I needed anything. I spent the next few days relaxing and spending time with my grandparents. Their wedding was coming soon, but Sue had always been around, so I thought of her as another grandmother. That visit was the first time I thought about how strange it was that my almost-grandma was my almost-boyfriend’s mother.
It wasn’t the weirdest thing in my life, that’s for sure.
I didn’t know if Sue knew anything of my recent involvement with Seth, but I assumed not since she hadn’t mentioned it to me in the first couple days of my visit. I figured it was better that way for now. Things were complicated enough without getting Charlie, Sue, and their opinions thrown into the mix.
It was Saturday evening when Sue mentioned Leah that a new idea came to me. I phoned my parents to let them know what I had in mind first, then I got Leah’s cell number from Sue and gave her a call.
“Hey She-Wolf,” I said when she answered.
“Half-breed. It seems we need to have a little talk,” she quipped back.
Our exchange wasn’t rude or condescending; it was with complete humor. While Leah hadn’t been especially fond of me when I was first born, her opinions changed as she spent more time with me. What was originally intended as an insulting nickname for me eventually became a joke between us. The moniker I chose for her came when I was old enough to develop a sense of humor. As the only female in the pack, it was an obvious choice.
We made plans to meet at Charlie’s house, and then we would head out to Port Angeles for the day.
As I suspected, Seth had spoken to her and provided a brief rundown of what had been going on back in Oregon. She knew of the feelings that had developed between us, the details of the dance, and that the big secret of the imprint was finally out in the open.
“I’m just going to say up front that I’m not excited about the idea of my little brother getting caught up in the middle of this mess.”
“It would have been nice to know there was a mess in the first place.”
She sighed, telling me that she agreed.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked. I didn’t particularly want to tell too many people about this when I hardly had a handle on it, but Leah’s perspective was important to me. She was fiercely protective of her brother.
“No…I mean, I don’t really know what to make of what’s going on with you two or with Jacob.”
“Do you want me to tell you my side?” I offered.
“Sure. I figured this was part of the reason you wanted to see me, so let’s get it all out in the open.”
I started with the beginning of the school year, describing to her what I had gone over in my mind far too many times recently. I detailed the deterioration of my closeness to Jacob and how overbearing he became with time. From there, I tried to convey the slow build of my attraction to her brother, both physically and emotionally. She hummed and nodded along, sometimes asking questions or commenting. When I covered the major details, I told her how I had recently been looking back on their actions, especially Jacob’s, with my new knowledge of the imprint in mind.
“You really don’t feel anything for Jacob?” she asked in wonder. “It’s just so hard to believe that could happen.”
“It’s not that I don’t feel anything, I just don’t feel that tickle in my stomach when he’s around. I miss him when we’re apart, but there’s no anticipation when I know I’m going to see him again. I want him in my life, just not that way,” I explained. “But those things are there with Seth. He makes me smile and laugh, and we get along so well. I feel like I can relate to him better than anyone else. He’s always so sweet, and I know you probably don’t want to hear this stuff about your brother, but when he’s close to me, I want him closer. When he touches me, I feel like I’m on fire. And the things he says…oh my gosh, Leah. It’s always so sweet and powerful. Do you know what that’s like?”
She was very quiet, and it began to worry me when she left the sidewalk to lead me into a coffee shop. We ordered some drinks and sat down at the table in the farthest corner before she replied.
“You’ve never heard my dating history, have you?” she asked, wrapping her hands around her warm cup of tea.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, when I was still in school, the same thing happened to me. There was someone who did all those wonderful things to me, and we eventually fell in love. I thought my future was set. We planned to go to college together when I graduated, and then we’d have the rest of lives together. It felt like a fairytale. I was so happy.”
Feeling a sense of foreboding, I gulped and looked at her with concern written across my face. “So what happened?”
“He imprinted.”
I could not help the audible gasp that escaped my mouth, followed by a hand to cover my gaping.
“Jacob?” I asked in disbelief.
Could this get anymore complicated?
Her hands waved frantically as soon as I spoke. “No! Holy hell, no! Jake and I have never, never been like that.”
“Then who?” I asked, trying to work out the details in my mind. “Quil, Jared, or Sam,” I said mostly to myself.
“The latter,” she said very quietly.
“Really?”
She nodded her confirmation, and I immediately perplexed. How had Sam and Leah been together, and how had be imprinted on someone else when he was in love with Leah, especially if she had the wolf gene? Emily and Sam had always seemed so incredibly happy together whenever I saw them. Her smile was almost painfully bright when she looked at him, and Sam’s adoration was sickeningly sweet.
“How?” I asked.
To my surprise, Leah laughed and shook her head. “Who knows, really? One moment we were blissful together and the next he started acting distant and weird. Then one day my cousins were visiting and it was like Sam couldn’t even see me anymore.”
“Oh my goodness, Leah. What did you do?”
“Eh, I don’t like to think about it too much, but it was a pretty terrible kind of hurt. It was as though all the years we spent together and everything we shared no longer mattered to him. He wanted to be around her all the time, and even though she was initially disgusted that he would so blatantly pursue her right under my nose, she eventually gave it. Sam broke up with me as soon as the elders explained what happened, but I didn’t know that.”
“That must have been a very difficult time in your life.”
“It was, especially because there was no way for me to fully understand it until I finally phased. All the tribe secrets were finally revealed to me, and the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. The worst part was that he and my dad kept the truth from me, even before he imprinted on Emily.”
I stared down at my cup, rubbing my fingers along the paper surface as I considered her words. Our situations were extremely different, but the common thread was that we were both impacted by an imprint. In her case, it was her love that imprinted on someone else. In mine, I had fallen for the wrong wolf.
Her story made me feel completely lost…impossibly more than I already had been feeling. I thought speaking to Leah would help me work through everything, but now I felt worse. I wanted to go back in time and somehow make this never happen. Back to my birth so Jacob would never imprint and I would have some semblance of a normal life, at least as normal as possible for someone like me.
“Are you all right there?” Leah’s words drew me back to reality. I was unsure how long I had been gone.
“What am I supposed to do?” she said helplessly.
“I don’t have those kinds of answers for you.”
“What would you do?”
“Oh, sweetie,” she said sympathetically, “you’ll need to figure this out on your own.”
I laid my head on the table, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of the cool, smooth surface against my cheek. “If I pursue Seth, Jacob will be unhappy. If I give that up for Jacob’s sake, I may never fall in love with him, which could hurt him even more. Or I could end up in a life – an eternity – with artificial love, at least on my side.”
“I don’t know that it would be that way,” she offered. “Who says you need to make a decision now?”
I thought about that for a moment. “No one, I guess.”
“Has Jacob asked you to begin a romantic relationship now?”
“No…”
“Okay,” she said. “Just sit on it for a while. See what happens. Be a teenager, give yourself some time to grow up, and relax.”
Picking my head up off the table, I looked at her seriously. “As good as that sounds, I don’t think it’s really possible. These feelings are so strong… How do I ignore them?”
Leah looked thoughtful, but then she finally perked up with a forced smile. “All right, I just thought of a couple things. Now, don’t go getting any ideas because I’m not going to tell you what to do. Seth is my brother and Jacob is my friend, so I’m staying neutral here, but I have a question.”
“Shoot,” I said, waiting.
“Seth is still showing affection?”
“Umm, yeah,” I said quietly, feeling embarrassment paint my cheeks with color.
“Then that means Jacob hasn’t put an Alpha order on him. If he wanted to, he could tell Seth to stay away from you, and Seth would have to obey it. The Alpha’s orders are unbreakable.”
I hadn’t even considered that, so her reference to that possibility caught me completely off guard. It was something I learned long ago when Jacob mentioned why there were two different packs.
Leah reminded me. “Since Sam was older and the first to phase, he automatically assumed the role of the Alpha. Jacob didn’t want the responsibility,” she explained. “At least not at first. We didn’t know what would happen when Bella became pregnant, and the pack was focused on protecting the tribe from the possibilities.”
She looked almost shameful as she repeated the story to me, but I already knew it and wasn’t resentful. It was in the past.
“Leah, I already know that everyone thought I would be a monster. It’s okay.”
“It’s not really, but thank you for that,” she said, giving me a sorrowful half smile. “That was how Jacob broke away. Because he was the true Alpha, he was the only person who could deny Sam and betray his command.”
“It hurt him,” I said without thinking. I was caught up in the memory of the first time Jacob told me this story.
“Yes, it did. We were all in wolf form at the time, and it was the craziest thing I have ever experienced. He fought it so hard, and then, all of the sudden he was gone – poof! – out of our heads even though he was still in wolf form. It was frightening because no one knew what happened to him or if he was hurt. Seth followed him, which was why I did too, and I think you know the rest after that.”
“I do.”
“Well, my point…” she said, but drifted off into her head somewhere.
I pushed my cup aside and looked at her earnestly, begging her with my eyes to say what was on her mind.
She noticed and obliged. “My point is, although we have these ideas about the way things are, there are no defined rules. The Quileutes are a small people, so our experience and understanding of this only goes back a few hundred years. We believed that Jacob would be the Alpha because his grandfather was the last one, but Sam assumed that role. Then we thought it would stay that way…until it didn’t. Jacob proved our preconceived notions wrong. There had never been a female wolf until me. No one had ever imprinted on someone who wasn’t Native American until you, not to mention that you’re also part vampire.”
It was then that I realized we were in a public place, discussing the world of the supernatural like it was completely normal. To us, it was, but being careless could be dangerous if we were overheard. Glancing around, I saw that the shop was relatively empty and no one was paying us any mind.
“When it all comes down, I guess you could say that anything is possible,” she continued when my attention returned to her.
“How so?” I asked for clarification.
“Just because an imprint has never been broken or not become romantic eventually, well, I don’t think it’s impossible. If I can be a wolf and there can be two separate packs with Alphas who can still hear each other, then maybe you don’t have to be Jacob’s mate. I’m not saying that you won’t, I’m just saying that there’s always a chance for a different outcome than we all expected.”
I couldn’t discuss it anymore. Leah’s words had given me insight that no one else so far had, which left this burden solely on my shoulders.
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