Chapter 9
Song: Ghost Man on Third by Taking Back Sunday
Rosalie was waiting at the airport when I returned to Seattle, and I was so glad to see her. It felt like it had been a million years. We weren't used to spending multiple days away from one another, so it had been tough. I had loved my time in L.A., but she was my other half. As much fun as I had, I knew I would have had a much better time if she'd been there with me. We always had a better time together, no matter what.
“Ugh, I missed you!” she said, hugging me tightly.
I returned the hug and sentiments and began telling her about every detail of my extra long weekend. We had spoken on the phone a couple times, but the conversations were short. I liked telling Rose about Emmett because I always thought they would be kind of perfect for each other, but she blew me off whenever I brought up that subject. She was pretty intrigued by my description of the whole Jasper make out session, though.
“So you're pretty into him now?” she asked. I could tell she was picking my brain for more clues about my feelings.
I thought carefully about how to word it so that I could give her the best explanation.
“I don't know. I don't think it was a regular ‘fuck and run’ hook up, but I don't want to marry him or anything. We were definitely a little drunk, and he was more upset about that Ali girl than he was saying. It was just fun, and it turned into this whole erotic, crazy experience. Then it was just like we were friends. We hung out and talked, and it was cool. We just...connected, I guess. I like him, but I don't think I like him like that.”
“Well, would you have sex with him if you went back next week?” she asked, trying to understand what I meant.
“Theoretically, yes. God, yes. I'm sure it would be incredible, but realistically, I don't think so. He has real feelings for that girl that he needs to work through, and I'm not really sure Emmett would appreciate me getting it on with his best friend,” I explained with a brief laugh at the end.
“Oh,” she said, considering what I'd told her. “You really don't think Emmett knows anything happened with you guys?”
“No, he was way too drunk. I’m not kidding when I say he puked his guts out.”
“Does Ali know?”
“Yeah, I think she does. She saw us walk up together after she called Jasper, and she heard Emmett's little comment.” I explained that Ali had asked me about it directly but that I avoided answering by calling her out on being with Emmett. I didn't fool around with Jasper to spite her, and besides, she ditched him first.
“It's over and done with,” I finally said. “I'm home, and the three of them can work it all out amongst themselves.”
“True,” she agreed.
After completing my play-by-play of the L.A. trip, she filled me in on the bar gossip and what she and the guys had done in the last few days. She usually kept me in the know about Jacob, since she occasionally saw him when I wasn't around, but he behaved around her for the most part. He wasn't really a quiet guy, but he tamed his wild streak a little better than the rest of the guys. I hadn't spoken to him since after bike night last week, so I made a mental note to send him a text later.
The news that really surprised me was that Garrett had been hanging around this girl Chelsea while I was gone. Apparently, she had come to Rose's bar with the guys Thursday night when Rose was working and over to Felix's with Garrett on Saturday night. I knew who she was, but I had never been impressed with her. She was kind of a ‘butterface,’ as far as I was concerned. I didn't exactly feel jealous that he was interested in her, but I did feel a little contempt. I mean, I'm well aware how much better looking I am than her. It was stupid, though. We weren't dating, I just had a bit of a possessive moment. Jacob knew better than to flirt with anyone else around me, and I gave him the same respect, but I didn't have that with Garrett. If he wanted to bring someone else around, he had every right. I made out with Jacob in front of him constantly. On the other hand, it might be a good thing. I hadn't really made a decision about him yet, so this could be my out. Did I want an out? I wasn't sure yet.
Rather than play mental ping pong over a guy I hadn't even slept with, I decided to formulate a plan with Rosalie. I knew she and Garrett still playfully flirted sometimes, especially when they were drinking or Felix wasn't around, so her involvement would be priceless. When I told her my idea, she was thrilled to help.
I avoided Garrett's calls and told Jacob I needed to settle in after my trip, so I would see him Wednesday night.
The plan was set, and I was ready to play.
. . . . . . . . . .
I stood at the edge of the parking lot and flipped my phone open to send Rosalie a text.
I'm here. Are we good? -B
She replied immediately.
Perfect timing. C is here with G, should make this even better. -R
I walked through the crowd faster than usual, not bothering to strut or put any extra sway in my hips until I was in sight of the back bar.
Rosalie and Felix were standing with Jacob, Garrett and Chelsea. The rest of the guys stood near the bar talking to some random girls. The whole thing was better than I had planned!
I sauntered up behind Rosalie, ignoring everyone but Felix, who I winked at. I wrapped my arms around her and grabbed her tits in both my hands. I saw Felix's eyes bug out a little as I squeezed them before she spun around.
“Bella, my love!”
“Rosie!”
We locked into our typical embrace, but instead of our quick peck, we met each other with a long open mouthed kiss. I ran my fingers into her long blonde hair for effect, and she squeezed my ass really hard.
A series of simultaneous comments burst out behind us.
“Shit!”
“Hot damn!”
“Oh. My. God...”
“Yes, please.”
And finally a loud, feminine, “Eww” that obviously came from Chelsea.
When we felt it had gone on long enough, we gave each other European cheek kisses, and turned back to the spectators.
“Hey guys,” I smiled innocently.
“Uh, hey, Bella,” they all muttered, still frozen in place.
I took a few steps over to Jacob and laid my hand flat against his lower abs, running it up his chest. When I got to his shoulder, I put my free hand on the other one, pulled him down to me, and glued his mouth to mine. As I pulled away, he had a smile like a kid locked in a toy store overnight. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, causing me to squeak in surprise. We spun around in circles, which made me giggle uncontrollably. When he was done he told me how much he had missed me, and then he carried me around to each of our friends so they could smack my ass before he put me down. I shoved him into a chair and sat in his lap, kissing him again.
I turned toward my next target and licked my lips.
“Garrett, babe, would you mind grabbing me a beer? I seem to be a little dizzy right now.” I pulled a wad of cash from my cleavage and handed him a few dollars. With a dumbfounded look, he took the cash and walked toward the bar, Chelsea on his heels.
My phone beeped moments later with a text from Rosalie. She was only a few feet away from me, so I bit my lip and smiled anxiously before opening my phone. It must be something funny if she wouldn't say it out loud.
That was priceless. I wish you could have seen everyone's faces. I worship you, master of seduction. xoxo -R
. . . . . . . . . .
As I expected, Garrett called me the next afternoon the minute my lunch break started.
“You are an evil, evil woman.”
“Point being?” I teased.
“Point being I think I love you, and I need to see you naked.”
“Is that right?”
“Absofuckinglutely. What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
I let him playfully argue with me about it for a while, but I finally agreed to hang out later that evening.
Truthfully, I thought I might drag the whole thing out a little bit longer. I had so much fun acting like a jackass with him, and I felt like I never stopped laughing when we talked and spent time together. Although I had never thought of myself as someone particularly funny, Garrett disagreed. He called me his Laid Back Chick, and I really felt like I saw a different side of him when it was just us. Anytime I mentioned that, he would say he thought the same thing about me.
After I-don't-know-how-many shots that night, I got gutsy and approached the Chelsea subject. It was one of the fleeting warm nights of the summer and we'd been sitting at the patio of a yuppy bar I came to occasionally. I saw him tense up momentarily at the mention of her name, which made the breeze play with pieces of his hair all the more. I eventually got him to admit that he hadn't slept with her yet, and that pretty much sealed the deal for me. My uninhibited state combined with the possessive feelings I had developed when Rosalie mentioned Chelsea to me took over. I decided that I needed to have him before that girl did.
We went back to my apartment shortly after that, and I can't say I was disappointed in any way. He definitely measured up, and everything he did was a sharp contrast to what I had become so accustomed to with Jacob. As slutty as it might seem to some people, I liked the variety. What was the point of being young and single if I couldn’t enjoy myself? After our first go round, Garrett somehow managed to get me into the shower for no reason that had to do with getting clean, and seeing water drip off his long hair and muscles was enough to keep me ravenous.
When we finally settled down, we turned on some late night talk show and snuggled up on my bed. Not long after, we were interrupted by my phone ringing. Recognizing the ringtone I had selected for Edward, I launched myself across the room and turned it off as quickly as I could, returning to Garrett without looking at him. I tried to act as casual as possible, but I felt as though my heart would pound out of my chest. I was sure he could feel my pulse racing.
“Who was that?” he asked.
“Nobody I need to talk to…forget about it,” I tried.
“Come on, Bella. I know your ringtone for Jake is LL Cool J, which is fucking hilarious, by the way. That was obviously another guy.” His tone was both teasing and a little smug.
“It was just a friend,” I shrugged.
“You're a bad liar.”
I knew that I was a bad liar when I was put on the spot like this, but I really didn't know how to react. I hadn't heard from Edward since the night I told him not to call me, and just now, yeah, he was definitely calling me. I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. I don't even know why I left his number or that stupid song in my phone at all.
I tried snuggling back into Garrett's chest and watching TV, but he wasn't giving up yet.
“That's someone else you're fucking,” he taunted with a laugh. “You didn't want me to hear that because it's someone you're fucking!”
“What makes you think that?” I asked, playing dumb. Garrett obviously knew that Jacob and I were not an exclusive couple by any means, but I had no interest in discussing other guys with him. All I wanted to do was go back to cuddling.
“Because it's a Maroon 5 song.”
“So?” I eyed him skeptically. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Bella, come on. All Maroon 5 songs are about sex, especially that one. It's cool, though,” he shrugged and stroked my hair. “I don't care what you do. I'm just having a good time busting your balls about it.”
“I'm pretty sure I don't have balls,” I teased.
“Thank God!” He wrapped his arms around me and rolled us so that he was hovering above me, inches from my face. “I'd better get another good look at what you do have, though.”
I was more than happy to drop the subject of that particular ringtone and enjoy the distraction from that unexpected phone call.
. . . . . . . . . .
My distraction didn't last nearly long enough. Edward called me the next night, and I ignored it yet again. He also called twice on Saturday and three times on Sunday. I could feel my nerve to hit that end button on my phone starting to give, and that was not good.
Each time I heard that freaking song my heart would stop momentarily. I would jump and scramble to make it just go away. I tried to dissect what I was feeling, but it wasn't one single thing I could place. There was annoyance at his persistence, anger for what he had said to me, and confusion about why he would call after I told him to forget about me. Unfortunately, there was also the thrill and excitement boiling in my blood. For whatever reason, he wanted to talk to me - enough that he just kept calling and calling even when I didn't answer or listen to any of the voicemails he left me. I hated being happy about it. It took everything I had to push those butterfly feelings aside and just...hate him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to call him a cheating dog who didn't deserve my time, but I couldn't.
After a while, all I could think of were those amazing green eyes and his gorgeous body, the feel of his thick coppery hair between my fingers, and the sensation of his big hands running down my back. I found myself lost in a memory of Edward on top of me, propped up on his forearms and staring into my eyes as he slid into me. I audibly gasped, which was enough to snap me back into reality and slap myself across the face.
It was all just so stupid.
I had a life, a job, friends, guys - a world of things to fill my life and occupy my mind. So why was I feeling this pull to someone who wasn't mine?
I didn't want him to leave his family or anything rash, that hadn't changed. I didn't want to be around someone who disrespected me. What did I want?
I knew that staying away from him was the best thing to do. As long as I could do that, I wouldn't be responsible for anything he did, and I could just go on with my life.
I willed him not to call me anymore. I considered changing my phone number. I worked out twice as long as I normally did, and I barely ate. Those stupid, persistent phone calls were creating so much anxiety in my life.
By Monday after work, I felt like things were getting completely out of my control, so I went to the only person I knew could pick my brain apart and put the pieces back together sans craziness.
“Rosie, I need you. Meet me at the gym and let's have a girl’s night,” I said to her voicemail. I was already on my way there and hoped she would get my message. I hadn't spoken to her since Sunday morning and had forgotten to ask if she had work today. I had been a bit of a recluse over the weekend, and a pang of guilt hit me for being such a poor friend. I can be so selfish sometimes. Maybe she's had something going on and I haven't even been available to her.
By the time she arrived at the gym, I'd already been on the treadmill for twenty minutes. Sweat was pouring down my face, my neck, my back, and I just let it. My towel remained dry and my bottle of water was untouched. I could hear myself panting loudly, even over the heavy guitar and drums pounding out of my iPod.
Rose stepped onto the treadmill next to me and peered over at my monitor.
“Shit, Bella,” she said after pulling the earbud out of my ear. “Three miles in twenty minutes? Are you training for a 5K or something?”
I met her eyes for the first time and just kind of stared. I managed a half shrug and repositioned my earbud. She seemed wary of my response, but accepted it, punching time into her own machine and beginning to run along side of me.
Three miles later, I slowed the treadmill to a walking pace and finally stopped it. I stood slightly hunched over, hands on my knees, panting. I could see that the belt below me was splattered with drops of sweat. Once I managed to regain a little strength, I stood upright and grabbed my water. I drank half of it and pulled my earbuds out with a single tug on the cord. Rose had stopped her own run and was watching me carefully. I looked at her and didn't say anything until she reached for my towel and handed it to me.
“Thanks,” I said through a strained breath.
Without saying anything else, we walked to a partially closed off area with mats and exercise balls where we normally did our stretching.
“What's going on with you?” she finally asked.
I knew there was no chance of masking my feelings from her, especially after that extreme display. It wouldn't be worth trying anyway, I would just tell her eventually. I sat down on the floor, legs straddled in front of me and took a deep breath.
“My head is so screwed up,” I said with little inflection.
She stared at me pointedly, waiting for me to continue.
“Edward's been calling again,” I whispered.
“That fucker!” she yelled, drawing the attention of a pair of older women nearby. She smiled at them apologetically and turned back to me. “I can't believe you're talking to him again after what happened.”
“No, no, I'm not!” I said defensively. My hands were held up in front of me, palms out toward her. “I haven't answered, but he's called...” I paused to do the mental math. “…seven times since Thursday.”
“Has he left messages?”
“Yes, but I haven't listened to any of them.”
“Hmm, well I'll listen to them for you and tell you what they say.”
She knew me so well. Or maybe it was just that she understood what the sound of certain men's voices can do to a woman. There were many times I had listened to Demetri's messages for her in the past. It was easier to have someone else deal with it sometimes. I agreed, and we finished our stretching so that we could get back to her house.
Since she lived closer to our gym, we normally went over there after our work outs. We took turns in the shower and made ourselves comfortable in sweat pants and tank tops afterward. As always, Harley lay on the bed supervising us, her eyes darting around the room as we did. I flopped down next to her and scratched under the big doggy ears I loved as Rose finished towel drying her hair.
“Okay, phone,” Rosalie said with her hand extended once she was on the bed with me.
I handed it over, and she punched in my password. She listened carefully to the menu options, looking back and forth from me to Harley.
“Seven new messages. Well, he wanted to make sure you knew he was calling,” she sighed.
I watched intently as she listened to each one, trying to read her face. She looked annoyed, but her expression was soft and sympathetic toward my pensive nail biting.
“He's sorry, please call,” she said after deleting the first message.
“Doesn't want to leave things like this.” Delete.
“Please call back. Sounds like a pussy there,” she added. Delete.
“More apologizing.” Delete.
“Can't stop thinking about what he said. He feels terrible. Doesn't want to leave things this way.” Delete.
“You deserve better than how he treated you, and he just wants to apologize.” Delete.
“Says he's going to keep calling until you answer.” Delete. “That was the last one.”
She looked at me, waiting for a reaction. I put my hands on either side of my head and let out a long, exaggerated sigh while shaking my head back and forth.
“I'm not going to answer if he calls,” I resolved, staring at my phone still in her hands.
“That might be best,” she said hesitantly. “Or you could just talk to him so that he stops stalking you.”
“What?” I asked, incredulous. “You can't be serious...can you?”
She shrugged. “He said he's going to keep calling, and after hearing all that,” she waved her free hand over the phone, “I'm pretty sure he meant it. Just get it over with.”
“I don't know...” I said slowly.
Just then, that familiar song started playing from my cell. Harley jumped up and barked, and I reached over to yank the phone from Rose’s hand. I immediately hit end and huffed. Rosalie didn't say anything, but her eyebrows were furrowed at my reaction.
Seconds later he called again. I hit end faster this time and tossed the phone onto the pillow beside me.
When it rang a third time, Rosalie snatched it up before I could.
“Rose, don't!” I protested, trying to grab it from her. She held her arm back and scowled at me.
“Just let me take care of this, okay?”
I sighed and nodded. I knew she would answer it even if I said no, so I gave up the fight.
“Hello?” she sang into the phone. “No, I'm sorry, Edward. This is Rosalie. Yes, thank you, I'm doing well. Yes she is. Mmm hmm, let me get her for you.”
She held the phone out to me with her free hand cupped over the receiver end.
“Talk to him!” she mouthed.
I shook my head furiously, but she just gave me that devil look I knew meant she was serious.
I hesitantly took the phone in my shaky hand and drew it to my ear.
“What?” I snapped.
“Oh, Bella. Hi,” he said quietly. I didn't respond. “Listen Bella, I feel awful...terrible for the way we left things. Please, I'm so sorry. I can't stand the thought of you being mad at me. I know what I said must have made me sound like the biggest dickhead on the planet, but I didn't mean it like that.”
There was a sort of desperation in his voice. I didn’t want to hear it, but I could not ignore it. We had only known each other a short time, yet I felt so tuned in to everything he said and how he spoke. It was almost frightening.
“Just...shut up,” I whispered.
“Bella?”
I tried to ignore the worry and shame I could hear so clearly in his voice.
“It's fine. I'm fine. Forget about it, all right?” I wasn't sure if he could hear the pleading in my tone, but I couldn't take any more of his apologies. I just couldn't. It made my head throb and bile creep up to my throat.
“Are you sure?” he asked softly. I could sense the guilt in his words, and I found myself extremely grateful that Rosalie had listened to all those voicemails for me. I didn't want to hear it; his voice alone was torture.
“Yeah. I need to go, Edward. Take care.”
I snapped the phone shut before he could respond and scrambled to pop the battery out without bothering to turn it off first. I tossed the pieces on the floor and threw myself face first into the pillow.
“Ahhhhhhhh!” I screamed into the soft down. I could feel Harley nudging me and Rosalie pushing her away to cuddle up next to me.
“Bella? Are you okay, honey?” she asked, brushing my hair off to one side of my face. I finally decided I couldn't breathe through feathers forever, and I turned my head to face her.
“I don't know,” I muttered.
“It's okay,” she assured me, rubbing small circles on my shoulder blades now. “At least you got it over with. It's like a band-aid, right?”
“Yeah. Like a band-aid.”
“I know how it feels,” she said softly. Her voice was so kind now but also laced with concern.
“What do you mean?”
“This is how it was with Felix the first time around.”
“Oh, Rose! I'm sorry!” I cried, burying my face in the pillow again. I felt so ashamed for not being there for her back then, even more so now that I had a comparable experience to understand what she must have gone through.
“Don't do that again.” She stopped rubbing my back and waited for me to look at her. “I'm fine. We're fine. It was just something I had to go through. Edward wouldn't have stopped calling and you know it. You just had to let it happen, and now things will be easier. He obviously knows he's a fuck up, and he feels bad about it. He wouldn't feel bad about it if he didn't care about you, so now you know. The ball is in your court, my love.”
I picked my head up and wiggled up to sit Indian style facing her. She did the same and looked me in the eyes.
“Really?” I asked. Was that hope in my voice? Huh...
“Really. Now let's be done with this and order a pizza. I'll rub your legs until it gets here cuz heaven knows you're going to be sore as hell tomorrow after that marathon on the treadmill.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, dialing up our favorite wood-fired pizza place and ordering the usual.
I knew what Rosalie had made me do was right, wasn't it? Edward was being persistent and obviously needed to unload the guilt he was feeling. Now that it was over I could just move on and not be bothered by it anymore.
Unfortunately, I just couldn't shake the feeling of a dam breaking and the power hungry sex goddess creeping back into my head. How could I possibly deny someone I was incredibly attracted to when he never gave me a chance to forget him?
It's times like these where silence means everything
And no one is to know about this
It's a campaign of distraction
And revisionist history
And no one is to know about this
It's a campaign of distraction
And revisionist history
Taking Back Sunday
No comments:
Post a Comment