Bella POV
The lemon in this chapter is probably my favorite I’ve ever written. Follow the link to the photo that sparked & inspired it (which I thank the wonderful mskathy for originally finding). I warn you that there is nudity, so don’t open it at work or in front of the kids! http://weheartit.com/entry/216507 and http://weheartit.com/entry/224049
..........
I was such a fucking idiot. Did I seriously believe that having a threesome could be a good idea? Uh, no. There is simply no way that those kinds of things ever turn out well, especially when they are initiated under the influence of copious amounts of liquor. There may be people out there who are into swinging and all that other kinky shit, but that’s not me. Is it?
Fuck if it didn’t feel like I died and went to Heaven, though.
I kept trying to remind myself that it was Alice’s idea first, and that she made the suggestion to Jasper and he agreed. They both wanted to do it before ever asking me, so couldn’t I blame them?
No, I couldn’t, and I was an awful bitch for every thinking that. I could have said no. I should have said no, but being the gluttonous whore that I am, I took everything they were willing to give me. Great, now I can add that to my ever-increasing list of flaws. Cheating, lying, being completely selfish, lacking a spine, hurting people I love, and actively participating in depraved sexual acts.
Quite a résumé I’m creating for myself.
Some of my worst guilt came from how much I loved it. Just thinking about Jasper and Alice both rubbing, kissing and touching my body at the same time was enough to make me shudder with delight. To feel him inside me while I tasted Alice…taking my mind down that path again was not a good idea. It was absolutely, positively the most blissful think I had ever experienced, but it was so unbelievably wrong. And to think, I forced Jasper to touch Alice. I knew full well that he didn’t want her, and I knew equally well that she would not be interested in a man touching her, but I made them bend to my will anyway. Some sick part of me just wanted Alice to understand how amazing Jasper could make her feel. All the same, I wanted Jasper to know Alice’s body like I do.
Shit, I’m surely going to Hell for this.
It was all so surreal. I had been with men and women in my past, but never at the same time. Never anything remotely close to that.
When Jasper and I woke up and Alice wasn’t there, I almost forgot the gravity of our situation. I knew I was in my own bed with Jasper, but there was still a fog laying over my mind, whether it be from alcohol or the sex high. The way he was touching me was so euphoric. It was the first time we had ever spent the night together, and that kind of thing should have been perfect. I was lost in him until he trapped me under his warm, hard body and claimed me, yet even then, we couldn’t bring ourselves to stop. Alice could have come out at any moment, but it didn’t even matter.
Of course, the shit hit the fan almost instantly.
It was pointless for us to try to deny what was going on with me and Jasper. She said that she could see it in the way we were intimate together, and there was no doubt in my mind that it was true. I had studied Jasper’s face and expressions during so many sexual encounters, and I knew that adoration and intensity well. I imagined that I was a mirror to him, completely unhindered in my drunken state.
There was so much yelling and crying after that. It felt as though we were inside a glass box, the noises reverberating and plugging up my ability to hear properly with all the contrasting sounds. At the same time, there were moments where I felt like I was having an out of body experience, drifting above the scene and watching each player from a third person point of view.
I could remember ever single word that was spoken – or screamed – but I did not want to keep those images and accusations in my mind. They needed to be washed away if I could ever find peace and calm again, but there was no way to make it all disappear. I had never wished for a re-do on life more than I had in those moments.
What would I change, though? Would I go back and say no to the ménage a trios, or would I go back further? To break up with Alice instead of vacillating and putting it off for so long? Further still? Would I have stayed with her, never getting involved with Jasper in the first place? No, that thought was too painful to bear.
The fact remained that I had to live with my choices, each and every one of them. What’s done is done, and now I needed to face the consequences. I wanted Jasper, but I was making him wait on me. He was more patient than I deserved. What did that say about him and how he felt about me? What did it say about how willing I was to take advantage of his patience?
Had I ended my relationship with Alice after my first time with Jasper, or even before, when I was considering it, this never would have happened. But it did.
In response to all my guilt and anger at myself, I decided to do what seemed the most logical: mope, sob, and hide within myself.
Being the wonderful man that he is, Jasper gave me exactly what I needed. He listened, he held me, he didn’t push or lay blame. The way he held me and touched me when we got to his apartment was sweet and comforting, which was so much more than I deserved. The frightening part was that I sensed something else in the way he held me; something that wasn’t good. Would he abandon me now? I really couldn’t blame him if this fiasco finally made him realize what a mess I am and that I’m not worthy or deserving of someone as wonderful as Jasper Whitlock. I was so scared.
As he has a way of doing, he seemed to sense my need and provide the assurance that I desired most; not in words, but through our physical bond. As long as he stayed close to me, I was less afraid.
I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I woke, it was dark outside, and Jasper was not in bed with me. That immediately made me tense and distressed, but I knew he couldn’t have gone far. This was his apartment, after all.
I laid there for a long while thinking and contemplating. There was nothing I could do to change the way things had happened. Alice now knew that Jasper and I were together, even if it was the absolute last way I ever intended for her to find out the truth. From here we needed to move forward. This could only work if Jasper and I were in it all together. I told him that I would follow him wherever he went, and now we knew that we would be going to San Diego for Jasper’s new position as a college professor. Thinking of him that way was surprisingly sexy. I was shocked and awed that my mind could fathom anything sexual right now, but it certainly could.
A nonsensical stream of intimate thoughts raced through my head as I tried to will myself up and out of bed, eventually circling back to being with Jasper and Alice together. Again, I thought about each moment and act. Kissing both of them...Jasper touching both of us…doing things with and to both of them at the same time. Then it hit me. I had allowed Jasper to touch Alice, but I never encouraged Alice to do anything to him. Yes, it was slightly different because he is still interested in women, even if she is a lesbian, but that wasn’t the point. I didn’t want to share him. I was willing to share her, presumably because my heart wasn’t committed to her any longer, but I did not want anyone else to have what was mine, and that was Jasper.
I wanted him to myself. I claimed him. I…no, I couldn’t think about that right now. There were too many other things to think of without having a romantic epiphany. Those kinds of thoughts would need to wait until my mind was clearer.
All the same, he was mine. Mine.
Yes, Jasper was mine, and he was what I wanted. Why was it taking me so long to commit to this idea?
It ends tonight. Be with him already!
With that exciting realization, I scurried out of the bed and found my discarded jeans on the floor. I slid them on and made my way out of the bedroom. The door to the opposite bedroom was open, and light filtered out of the room. To my surprise, there was no music, which seemed off considering that Jasper always liked working with some kind of music playing for inspiration.
He stood eerily still, facing an easeled canvas that must have been recently finished because I had never seen it in here. Parts of the painting seemed to shine in the light, confirming my suspicions that it was new. It had yet to dry. I could not get a clear or discerning look at the piece of art, but I hoped that it had been the medicine my darling needed today.
Sideling up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my body into his. He took my affection willingly, turning to hold me properly. His words were exactly what I needed to hear.
“I can’t let you go, Bella. I’ll never let you go.”
It was the reassurance I needed to know that we were on the same page. Mistakes had been made, things had blown up and fallen apart in our faces, but we were still together. The circumstances had not broken us, and we could move forward with this beautiful relationship if we stuck together.
I responded the only way I knew how.
“Never.”
“Thank you, Bella,” he practically whispered. “You have no idea how happy I am that you’re with me right now, no matter what it took to get here.”
“Me too. I just wish the circumstances were better, you know?”
“Yeah, I get that,” he said quietly, stroking my hair. I wondered if he was leaving any streaks of paint in my snarled brown locks. Not that it would matter. “We can’t change anything now, though.”
I hummed in agreement, leaning my temple against his chest and listening to him breath. It never ceased to amaze me how much his presence and closeness comforted me.
Pulling away slightly, he took my hand and began to lead us out of the room. “I think we should talk about some of this. Let’s go sit down.”
Following him into the living room, I felt my stomach do its nervous little dance that I had become so familiar with lately. He didn’t make me nervous, per se, but dwelling on all this was starting to eat away at me. I hoped I wouldn’t get an ulcer from the stress.
“Okay,” I began, dragging the word out hesitantly. “Where do we…I mean, what do you want to talk about?”
“Well, the first thing I want to know is if you’re all right?” he asked, twisting his body on the sofa to face me and keep some skin to skin connection by resting one hand on my thigh and the other on my cheek.
“Not really, but being here with you is better than any other option,” I admitted. He smiled, which made me smile in response. I loved his smile. It was wide and toothy and just…brilliant. “Are you okay?”
“That’s a pretty relative question. Yes and no, I suppose. All that really matters is that you’re here with me.”
“Don’t you care about Alice?” I asked, not sure what had brought that out. “As much as we’re suffering from the fallout, we at least have each other. She’s alone. We did that.”
“I don’t relish Alice’s pain, Bella,” he said defensively. “Please don’t try to make me feel anymore guilt than I already do.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, but what the fuck is wrong with us? We never should have let that happen!”
“What?” he asked in disbelief.
“I mean it, we shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. She may have started it, but she didn’t know that we were already involved. We did. We knew and we were too drunk and stupid to realize how narcissistic it was. Think of how you would feel if it were the other way around, if it were you and me, and I brought someone else into our sexual relationship.”
Jasper shifted away from me suddenly, sliding back against the armrest of the sofa and burying his face in his hands. His head shook from side to side, and a groan rumbled out of his chest as he yanked his pretty blonde hair.
“Are you for fucking real, Bella?” he asked when his head snapped up at me. I was taken aback by his unusually harsh tone. “This was both of us. No, this was all three of us. We dug our own graves. We may not have wanted Alice to find out about us this way, but it’s on all our shoulders.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but he silenced me with a firm hand gesture.
“Alice fucked up by suggesting it in the first place. If she had doubts about you or what you wanted, she should have been mature enough to deal with those things when you were sober and alone.
“You fucked up by agreeing to our hideous suggestion.
“I fucked up by being a horny fucking bastard who can’t keep my hands to myself or my dick in my pants. Then I fucked up even more by enjoying it so much.”
That last phrase caught my attention. I had already shared with him that I felt guilty for having enjoyed it so much, even though it was one hundred kinds of wrong. I was quite curious what he had liked so much.
“Wait,” I said quickly. “What did you enjoy?”
“Fuck, Bella, what didn’t I enjoy? Seeing you completely unhinged, looking at your expressions when we both touched you, and as much as I feel like a fuckface for admitting this, watching you do shit to her while I fucked you. God damn, you have no idea…” he drifted off.
“Is it terrible that I like that you liked it?” I muttered in a low whisper.
“Seriously?”
“Well, yeah. I like that it turned you on.”
“You have no idea. It was all because it was you, though. You were so free and I could tell it was just pure, unadulterated pleasure. It was incredible…not that I want to do that again. I’m done sharing,” he said firmly. I didn’t doubt that.
I had one more question. “What about the other part?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know,” I started. “Touching us at the same time, and then…together.”
This time, his groan was much louder, and it sounded as if he was in actual physical pain. His eyes were averted, but I moved closer and turned his head toward mine.
“Tell me,” I whispered.
“I did that for you. Because it was what you wanted. I never would have tried anything with her if you didn’t want me to.”
I thought about his words for a few moments. He really was a self-sacrificing fool. He had endured so much to be with me, and I just kept making things more and more crazy. While I’m sure he didn’t hate touching Alice the way he had, it was obvious that he truly did do it for me – for my happiness, pleasure, and desire.
I didn’t deserve this man.
Crawling across the sofa to close the remaining gap between us, I moved myself over him and flattened my body against his. He shifted awkwardly until he was mostly lying on the sofa while I lay on top of him. Once we were in a somewhat manageable position, my lips found his in silent thanks. After a great deal of time spent reacquainting our mouths, I voiced those thanks.
“Thank you putting up with me.”
Kiss.
“Thank you for waiting for me.”
Kiss.
“Thank you for doing outlandish things like fooling around with your girlfriend’s lesbian lover.”
Kiss.
“Hey wait,” he protested, tilting his face away from mine. “Did you hear what you just said?”
“Uhh, which part?” I asked, feeling quite confused.
“You called yourself my girlfriend, and you referred to Alice as your lover. Not the other way around. Not the other way around, sweet thing.”
Smiling down at him, a few soft giggles escaped my lips. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
We were thrust up suddenly, Jasper’s long arms snaking around my body and forcing me to straddle his lap as he sat on the sofa. I could feel his arousal pressing against me in that position, but he made no move to remove our clothing or encourage those kinds of activities.
“Today is the first day,” he said finally.
“First day of what?” I asked, my eyebrows involuntarily pressing together with the question.
“The first day of us!” he said excitedly. Oh god, that smile was back…
“Yeah?”
“Of course, sugar. We’re together now. For real. Can you believe it?”
I smiled when I realized where he was going with this. After all this time that we had spent sneaking around and hiding, the truth was out. It may not have happened in the best way – in fact, it fell apart in the worst way I could possibly imagine – but nonetheless, this was our opportunity.
“The first day of the rest of our lives,” he murmured, pressing his lips to mine yet again.
The first day of the rest of our lives.
Those words hit me so hard, like an ill thrown medicine ball to the chest.
“We should celebrate,” I panted as his mouth traversed my neck and nibbled on my collarbone. I got the impression he was already celebrating in his own way.
“Mmmhmm,” he hummed, running his tongue up and behind my ear before sucking on the tender flesh once more.
And so we celebrated.
………………….
The rest of the evening moved slowly, but there would never be enough time. We savored one another, touching and feeling, but never initiating any deep intimacy.
Our stomachs sounded off their need loudly, reminding us that neither had eaten today, and a little sustenance would be beneficial. I made my way to the kitchen while Jasper put on an old Frank Sinatra album. It was the perfect mood. After sorting through the refrigerator and cupboards, we came up with a dinner plan, and he promised me a grocery trip the next day.
We cooked together, dancing around the kitchen with delightful fluidity, and when it was complete, we ate picnic-style on the floor.
He insisted that I deserved to relax, so while he cleaned up, I ran a bath and immersed myself in the soothing liquid heat. When he had completed his other tasks, he came into the bathroom and sat next to the tub, offering to wash me when the time came.
Afterward, he led me into his bedroom, now alight with the soft flickers of candlelight. He reminded me that this was now our bedroom, not just his, and I felt quite excited hearing those words come out of his mouth.
Once we were settled and in our pajamas, we snuggled up in bed with a movie. When Great Expectations began, I looked at him in wonder.
“I thought you said this would be too much of a chick flick and you didn’t want to see it?” I teased, but I was truly curious about his change of heart.
“Well, you said it was one of your favorites, so I got it for you,” he said. “And I may have watched it once already.”
“Oh yeah?” I teased.
“Yeah, and it’s pretty good,” he said with a smile. “They didn't mutilate the book too much for a modernization.”
“Told you so.”
“You did.”
We curled into one another, Jasper in sweatpants and no shirt, me in one of his tee shirts and my panties. There were no attempts to do anything more than simply hold onto one another and feel the ease and calm that came from being together. All I wanted to do was be a part of him and have him know me from the inside out. Things had been so complicated and screwed up since the night we met, but maybe, just maybe, they could finally fall into place. If we could move past all the craziness, we could be happy.
Watching a movie and cuddling was the extent of our evening. I was so keyed up for the picture that I managed to stay awake for the entire film. I had also napped for several hours earlier, but Jasper had not. He nodded off sometime after the climactic sex scene, snoring lightly as I lay upon his chest.
I turned the TV off and managed to coax him down off the pile of pillows behind us so that we could sleep comfortably. He rolled to his side, draping an arm over my side as I turned around and scooted back into him. Although he slept, his hold on me was secure, ensuring that this man would never let me go or allow me to be hurt where he was concerned.
The first day of the rest of our lives, indeed.
………………….
I awoke alone, yet again, feeling rested, but apprehensive about what would make Jasper get out of bed on a Sunday morning. As soon as I took a deep breath through my nose, I understood. The rich aroma of fresh roasted coffee wafted into our bedroom, filling my nostrils and tempting me out of bed. I tiptoed out of the room in my nightclothes, catching a few different scents as I approached the kitchen. There was something sweet and fruity first, then the unmistakable scent of eggs. On the counter, I saw the sources - a spread of freshly baked muffins, scrambled eggs, and fruit salad. It all looked delicious, but nowhere near as delicious as my shirtless Jasper standing off to the side.
“Hi,” I said quietly, walking up and wrapping my arms around him.
“Hi,” he returned with a boyish grin.
“This looks good.”
“I'm glad you think so. Come on, let's eat.”
After several cups of coffee, a wonderful breakfast, and a long “Q&A” conversation about San Diego and Wainwright University, we decided to get cleaned up and make a plan for the day.
Things were easier today, more comfortable. We showered together, touching and holding one another, but moving slowly. Nothing was rushed or frenzied. We were together, and I could tell that we both wanted little more than the opportunity to enjoy that new fact. We still had obstacles, difficulties and changes to face, but we finally had what we truly needed in each other.
For the first time since we had met, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It began with that incredible sexual tension and the struggle to become friends while denying our attraction. That was such an awkward time. As much as I truly wanted to get to know him in those first few months, we both pretended as if there wasn't anything there between us. It was so foolish, but it was impossible to stay away from one another, even if it meant playing pretend. All those times that we avoided any sort of physical contact were somewhat humorous now. I was grateful for that time, though. It gave us the opportunity to lay a foundation and learn about one another. We were so physically drawn to each other that I wasn't sure what kind of staying power our relationship would have had without a few months as friends to build something based on us instead of sex. Now we had the best of both.
Our shower was scalding hot, just the way I liked them. The thick steam filled my lungs and relaxed my muscles, leaving me incredibly refreshed, but a bit overheated. I felt a delicious sting of relief when the cool air of the apartment hit me as we stepped out, but Jasper was there immediately to wrap me in a large bath sheet and rub me dry.
Still panting from the heat, he flopped on the bed naked, his skin tinged in pink and red splotches as his body acclimated to the air. I smiled at him as I dropped my towel and crawled across the bed to him, lying diagonally on my back and resting my head on his chest. His skin felt so good against mine, and I reveled in our new found peace, comfort, and freedom as he draped his arm over my collarbone and held me that way.
We laid in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying our lazy Sunday. Eyes closed, my right hand drifted to his bent leg, running up and down his thigh languidly. His arm slid off my chest, taking my chin and tipping it toward his face to kiss me lazily. I hummed in appreciation as I shifted slightly to give us a better angle. Our faces were too far to truly deepen our kisses, but our lips still puckered out and tongues darted about to share in our quiet, intimate moment.
As we continued, hands began roaming in a leisurely manner, lightly stroking and exploring one another without intent. I continued my course on his thigh, growing bolder with each pass until one downward journey brushed my hand against his stiffened cock. A mischievous chuckle sounded in my throat, and I smiled onto his lips when I took him in my hand. As I began soothing his need with slow pumps, his hand drifted from my chest, down my stomach, and to the juncture of my thighs. Nudging them apart, he opened me with two fingers and began his own tease.
He rubbed along my sensitive skin, spreading my wetness with each pass. His fingers slid apart and then worked together repeatedly, continuously stroking and toying with me. He would move to the top, rubbing circles on my clit with the tip of his finger for a moment, then he would pull away when I got close to exploding, his long digits moving back down to dip into me briefly. Several times, he moved his hand from me completely, bringing it between our mouths to lick the evidence of my arousal from his fingers. It was a dirty game, putting them in place for us to taste me together, our tongues dancing around his fingers as we continued to kiss. I don't know where this fetish for licking me off his hands came from, but I would never complain about something so damn erotic and sexy. Finally, he plunged two fingers deep inside me, curling them forward expertly.
Our breathing hitched simultaneously, and kissing became more difficult with each passing second. We teased and touched, groped and pulled, forcing one another to arch our backs and squirm with need. He controlled of all my senses. As he sped his movements, my pace increased on his erection, squeezing him until he panted my name in the most gorgeous tone I had ever heard. What we were doing felt so good and so fucking erotic, but I needed to feel him. This weekend had been so completely fucked up, and I needed his body on me and in me in order to experience any form of relief.
When I released him from my hand, he whimpered in the cutest, sweetest little voice, which completely delighted me. It was so amazing to know he craved my touch that much. I didn't let him go for too long, though. As I pulled away, I rolled myself over and straddled his body.
Looking down at my beautiful man, I was met with the most glorious, rewarding smile. It was all mine, and that completely blew me away.
This was the man who was willing to risk so much for me. He put up with my wavering and procrastination and even allowed me to live out a sexual fantasy with him and my girl- no, ex-girlfriend. He waited for me, and now we were together the way we both wanted to be.
We were taking huge steps. He accepted a teaching position in a completely different part of the country, and I was going to follow him. I planned to give up the career I had built here and restart in a new city. Given my field, it wouldn't be extremely difficult to start over, and it could even be the opportunity I needed to segue into more freelance work, if I wanted that.
Whatever I did, Jasper and I would be together. That was amazing. The potential for our life together was expansive and exciting. I had never risked so much for another person, but I felt completely sure of this decision. As long as we had one another, everything would work out somehow.
Jasper was mine.
I was his.
My god, that was beautiful.
Leaning over his body, I tilted my head until we could kiss again, this time full and deep. I would never tire of the way his mouth engulfed mine, yet worked in perfect tandem every time. We didn't even need to have sex to be one when we were kissing. This was sufficient, but making love added so much to our incredible union.
Making love.
The thought made me nervous and thrilled and nauseous all at once, but there was no denying what it was. We may have had some wild sex in the time we had been together, but Jasper never once fucked me, no matter what he called it. Fucking implies selfishness and a physical act done for the sole purpose of getting off. That was not at all what we shared. When Jasper and I melded our bodies into one single entity, it was an act of submission to our undeniable, breathtaking bond.
I wasn't ready to think in labels and terms of endearment yet, but my heart knew what it felt. What it wanted. What it needed.
It was all Jasper.
My Jasper.
Our kisses became heated. We consumed one another with each tug of lips and tongues. His hand moved between us, angling his cock so that he was in position to enter me, take me, claim me, love me, own me, give, take, share, bond, thrust, accept, be...
He was inside my body, and I was complete.
It was needful, but not frenzied. Our hips found the same rhythm to rock and relish what we gave to one another. I held myself over him on my forearms, attempting to push off my elbows and change the position, but finding myself too weakened by him to move. Still, it was perfect. My chest hung over him at the perfect angle that he was able to consume my breasts with his hot mouth as our pleasure spiked.
With my lower arms stuck against the mattress, I turned them, maneuvering under his shoulder blades so that my hands came up around the top of his shoulders and gripped tightly there. It gave me incredible leverage to hover over him and control the speed and intensity of our connection.
I pushed myself hard against him, which by the primal grunting sound he made each time, I assumed he liked. My body accepted him as deep as possible, and it felt so inconceivably good. When I wasn't pressing my mouth against his, my head tipped down, tucking into his neck and shoulder. I watched us through the slight gap between our bodies, staring in wonder at how beautiful it was to see his length glide in and out of my body, enjoying the fluidity of each movement.
We whispered and groaned words of appreciation and sentiments of adoration. His hands dug into my ass and hips, and I could not have care if he was squeezing too hard or leaving marks. I needed him. No caress was too much for me. If I could have taken him wholly inside my body or wound myself up within him somehow, I would have.
This man was mine.
Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
For as long as I wanted him and needed him.
It would be forever. I knew it. I believed it. I had faith in it.
My heart delighted at what could come in our future together.
“Future” had never been such a beautiful word to me until now.
It felt like we went on forever, but I didn't try to speed things along. We felt so good together, and I wanted it to last as long as possible. We weren't racing toward a finish line. We were taking our time and enjoying the sensation of each and every thrust, pump, suck, and lick.
As I continued to stare down between us, I slowed my movements. Watching him disappear inside my pussy inch by inch, I tuned myself into the feeling. When he sank into me, I could feel my body accommodating his substantial size. He stretched me in such a delicious manner, and while it did not hurt, there was the perfect amount of pressure as his cock opened me up to take him. For a long while, I was lost in simultaneously watching and feeling what he did to me.
“What are you doing, sugar?” he asked, pulling me from my cock worship.
“Mmm, what?” I muttered, bringing my eyes to his to focus on his words.
“Tell me what's going on inside that gorgeous head, Bella,” he whispered. One of his hands rose, tucking my hair behind my ear so that he could see past the curtain it created. “God, the sounds you're making...Can you even hear yourself? It's incredible, like every single movement is doing wicked things to you.”
Loosening my grip on his shoulders, I pulled my arms out and shook them slightly. I sat up, positioning my hands against his stomach for support. At the same time, he bent his legs a little more to support me and to allow him more control of our movements.
“I just can't believe how amazing you feel,” I told him, tipping my head back slightly in response to the pleasure coursing through my veins. “It's unreal, Jasper. Seeing you slide in and out of me...like you were made to fit there...”
He held my hips tighter, digging his fingertips roughly into my skin. I could see his eyes on my chest as my tits bounced with his hearty thrusts.
“You do things to me...that I never would have...thought possible.” My words came out in broken phrases as I gasped for breath between the moans and sharp cries he caused. “I love watching you stretch me... seeing my body consume you.”
“Holy fuck,” he growled, his arms scrambling suddenly while his upper body lifted off the bed. “That's the hottest thing I've ever heard.”
He wrapped a strong arm around my back and rolled us until I was beneath him, never once breaking our connection. My hands moved to cup his face as I gazed up at him adoringly, and he took them in one of his and placed them carefully against his chest. I quickly realized what he was doing. My palms where now spread over his heart, and the hand that had guided mine was now laying above my left breast. His body fell against mine slightly, and we held our hands in place, eyes still locked, as he brought me to the highest heights that only he could.
With this new connection of our hearts, he quickened his pace, thrusting harder and faster until I was a writhing, howling mess at his complete and utter mercy. I kept one hand against his chest and the other curled around his neck for leverage. I arched into him, meeting each pump with a lift of my hips toward his. Everything blurred together after that, a cluster of moans, words of affection and need, and incomprehensible sounds.
Our heart connection broke only when he sat up on his knees and hooked his arms around my legs. Bending them, he pressed them into my chest, collapsing against me and sandwiching them in between. He drove into me with fierce need, and I screamed for him over and over again.
He pulled one of my legs up, straightening it and placing in over his shoulder. His lips met my ankle and calve, and his fingers ghosted down the length of my leg. At this angle, it was like my body was a water balloon, filled so full it would explode at any moment. My cries grew louder as his became deeper and more needful.
“Fuck...fuck, Bella...I want this...always.”
I clawed at him, desperately squirming to get my bent leg free. He caught on, flipping it over his shoulder as well. As he held my ass up at the angle he desired and thrust into me, only my shoulders and head met the mattress. My hands clawed the bedspread for lack of anything else to hold onto through this mind-blowing rapture. He held me there while I writhed and cried, continuing until I shook and burst around him and he quaked and stiffened within me.
Lowering me back to the bed, we weakly fell into a comfortable missionary position. Leaning over, he kissed me - slow and sweet - continuing to move in and out of me at a gentle pace. I touched him, tasted him, and ran my fingers through his hair adoringly. We went on this way until I felt him soften inside me, and only then did he stop.
It was perfect. Everything was perfect.
It was the most intense experience we had shared so far, and I couldn't even find the words to describe it in the aftermath. All I wanted to do was clutch him close to my body, to hold him inside me until we both drifted to sleep and oblivion.
Unfortunately, not all of that could happen today.
He collapsed on top of me, allowing me to feel his weight and pressure against my chest, but he didn't fall asleep that way. He eventually rolled away, allowing me the freedom to breath easily and move as I wished, not that I wanted to.
We molded together regardless – holding, panting, smiling. We stayed there happily until the weight of reality finally set in.
“I need to go back there,” I said quietly.
“Clothes?”
“Yeah, only my off-season stuff is here right now, and that's not going to work very well.”
“Want me to go with you?” he offered.
“No, I need to do this on my own.”
Thirty minutes later, I was standing in front of the apartment building that was my home with Alice for so long. Jasper dropped me off so I could go inside and collect a few things before retrieving my car and driving it back to our place. It felt so strange to regard his apartment as ours, but in the same respect, it was wonderful and exciting.
He had offered over and over again to come up to the apartment with me, but I knew I needed to face Alice on my own. There were things that needed to be said, explanations that must be given. Those could not come to fruition properly with Jasper there.
I took the stairs instead of the elevator, rehearsing my thoughts and intended words over and over again in my mind, hoping they wouldn't disappear once we were face to face.
When I reached the door, I placed my key in the lock hesitantly. This had the potential to be one of the most difficult conversations of my life. At least yesterday when she confronted us, I had Jasper there to help me take some of the blow of her realization.
Right now, I was completely on my own, but all was how it should be. I dug my own grave. Now, I either had to lie in it or figure my way the fuck out.
All was quiet as I slowly pulled the door open.
I crept in, uttering a quiet, “Alice?” but there was no response.
Hesitantly, I approached our bedroom. I didn't want to go in there, but all my clothes were inside, and I had to pack up a suitcase or two before I left today. I couldn't exactly afford a new wardrobe, especially with the upcoming move to California. When I opened the door, I was met with the shock of my life.
There, on the bed I spent three years in, was Alice – stark naked, and with a head of blonde hair between her legs. I gasped at the sight, turning away immediately and returning to the door. My sudden interruption alerted blondie, and she paused from her ministrations to gape at me.
“Who the fuck are you?” she hissed, glancing from me to Alice. Or Alice's pussy, rather.
“I...I'm just gonna go,” I sputtered. “I'll come back for my stuff later.”
Seemingly satisfied with my response, the bimbo dove back in, and I turned to leave.
“Bella, wait,” Alice called, and I froze. “You, get the fuck out,” she said without hesitation. I assumed that was directed at the tart currently devouring her like a piece of dessert.
“What?” the girl shrieked incredulously.
I didn't listen to the rest of the exchange, instead escaping to the guest room to dig my suitcases and a few duffel bags from the closet there. Several minutes later, Alice came into the room, alone, thankfully.
“You move fast,” I mumbled bitterly.
“You're one to talk,” she fired back.
“I deserve that.”
“Fucking right you do.”
Without looking at her, I dragged my bags back to the bedroom and opened them all on the floor outside the closet.
“Bella, what the fuck are you doing?” she asked. As if it wasn't obvious.
“Uh, getting my shit.”
I wasn't sure why I was copping such an attitude with her when I was the one who had caused all these problems in the first place. It wasn't fair or right of me.
She stood quietly, but I knew she was watching me. Struggling to keep myself focused on the task, I pulled clothes haphazardly from the closet and dresser and stuffed them into my bags. Shoes, belts, and accessories were piled on top until every bag and piece of luggage met its maximum capacity. I dragged each out to the hall, creating a large pile outside the apartment door.
When all my clothes had been collected and a final bag of toiletries was filled, I set off to make my final escape.
That was when Alice's little hand reached out and took hold of my wrist. “Bella, wait.”
Nervously, I turned toward her and saw the most heartbreaking expression on her face. There was no choice but to give in to her request.
I slumped away from my exit, falling onto the sofa but not meeting her eyes.
And so we talked.
She asked me what felt like a thousand questions about Jasper, how it happened, what she had done wrong, what was happening now, why we did what we did the other night, where things were to go from here, how I could go on this way, if I hated her for calling me a slut...The list went on and on. I tried to answer what I could, but really just bawled through most of the conversation. Making her understand that she did nothing wrong was a difficult concept to communicate.
What I felt for Jasper was not because Alice had made mistakes or treated me wrong. It was something more powerful than any of us. The invisible cord that fastened us together could not be expressed in words. It was a feeling I got when he was in my presence, a comfort I experienced in his arms. There was no rhyme or reason or justification. How could I possibly make Alice understand why I was giving up three years of our life together to pursue something I didn't even have words to describe?
Nonetheless, I talked, hoping that she could somehow get it all and not hate me in the end. I wouldn't blame her if she did, though. Everything I had done to her was incredibly shitty. While I began thinking of Jasper as my boyfriend and her as...less at some point, she never knew that we had changed, so my rationale meant little to her. I was simply cheating.
By the end of our conversation, we were both wrecked. We were the victims of our emotions, the shells of two women who once lived and loved together.
I apologized a thousand times, but I knew it would never be enough.
There was no true resolve when I left. At least the truth was out there.
I couldn't even be mad at her for picking up some random woman at a bar, which she admitted to doing. Considering the circumstances, however she needed to deal with it had to be copasetic with me.
Returning home to Jasper, I was completely messed up yet again, but I had something I never held before - hope.
We were in this together. We both knew the risks. We both knew that my breakup with Alice would probably not go well, even before the whole Friday night incident.
The last twenty-four hours with Jasper were the reassurance I needed, though. We discussed things, comforted and encouraged one another, and in the end, shared a physical experience that was beyond anything I had ever felt.
We needed to be together.
We had to be together.
This was right.
This was good.
The way we got to this point may not have fit that same description, but we had to put it behind us in order to move forward.
It hurt, but it was just a small step on our path to forever.
That was my strength in weakness and my saving grace.
Jasper and Bella, together.
Maybe one day Jasper and Bella Whitlock…
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