Not Meant To Be - Chapter 13

 

Chapter 13

Song:  Feeling This by Blink 182

It was Friday night, and as usual, Rosalie and I were at the bar trying to make some cash.

We were on the back half of the evening, and things had been busy, which is always great for the bartender.

“Tips are looking good tonight,” Rosalie told me as we grabbed several bottles of beer from the same cooler.

“Fantastic,” I said with a smile. “I'm trying to save up some cash so I can go down to L.A. for a visit sometime soon.”

“Can I come?” she asked.

I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? That would be awesome!”

“Hell yeah!” she exclaimed, walking down the bar from me toward her current customer. “I've never been, plus your cousin is really hot!”

I just shook my head at her and laughed.

The night continued without incident and the flow of customers was steady. Rosalie and I kept the drinks strong and our flirtations stronger, and it seemed like the tips just kept coming. I was looking forward to changing out that bucket full of ones and fives later and hoping for some bigger bills to be mixed in there as well.

About ten minutes before last call, I was wiping down bottles while two very drunk twenty-something women sat in the stools in front of me talking.

“Oh my gosh, look at him,” the one of the right said, slapping her friend in the arm.

“Wow,” the second said in a too-loud, alcohol induced tone. “That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and he's alone!”

Normally, I just tune out the sexual commentary of the inebriated while I'm bartending, especially at this time in the evening when those who remain are trying to pair off for the night. Tonight, however, Rosalie drew my attention to the guy those girls were drooling over.

“Hey Bella, isn't that your man?” she whispered in my ear, gesturing down the bar to our left with her chin.

“Huh?” was all I said. At first I thought she meant Jacob, but if she had I'm sure she would have just said his name. And she wouldn't have said it with a question, would she?

I replaced the vodka bottle I was toweling off and looked up in the direction she had gestured. Ten yards away from me, sliding into an empty bar stool was Edward.

He was looking at me, wearing the crooked half smile I loved. His eyes brightened when he realized I saw him there, and I couldn't help but return it with a genuine smile of my own. He had never come in while I was working, so this was a real surprise to me.

I tucked the end of the bar rag into my back pocket and walked toward him, never breaking our eye contact.

“Good evening, sir. What can I get for you?” I asked, smirking.

“I think I'd enjoy sex with the bartender tonight.”

My eyes widened instantly, but he cut me off before I could say anything.

“The drink, of course.”

“Of course,” I agreed.

I grabbed a mixing shaker and filled it with coconut rum, triple sec, lime juice and grenadine before pouring it cup to cup to mix. I let the concoction drain over ice into a tall glass. I filled the remainder with 7-up, added a lime and lemon to garnish, then finally drizzled some Bailey's Irish Cream over the top in a swirl that sank decoratively into the drink. I added a straw to the glass and slid the concoction across the bar to him with a wink.

At the same moment, drunky ho one and two from a few moments earlier stumbled over and stood very close to Edward.

“That looks great. What are you drinking, sexy?” one of them said in an attempted seductive voice. It came out as more of a slur.

Without looking at them or saying anything, Edward held up his left hand and wiggled his ring finger. They huffed and stomped off toward the nearest unsuspecting drunk male.

When they were out of ear shot I burst into laughter and he joined me.

“What are you doing here?” I finally asked.

“What do you think I'm doing here?” he said suggestively.

“Touché.”

“Yes, well, I was actually wondering what you had planned for the rest of the evening,” he said while swirling his straw in the drink I was sure he wouldn't actually consume.

“Umm, Rosalie drove us here tonight, so I'd guess I'm going back to her house after we close,” I answered.

“Why don't you let me drive you home?” he suggested.

“Isn't it getting a little late? I don't want to get you in trouble.”

“Well, there wouldn't be any trouble tonight,” he began. There was something in the tone of his voice that made my stomach do a flip. “Carissa took Finn out to her parents' lake house this weekend to visit with the grandparents. It was kind of a last minute thing and I have too much work to get done to go with them.”

I was taken aback a little at his statement, but not for the fact of what he was telling me. I realized that I had never bothered to ask him what his wife's name was, and he never mentioned it before. Or I had just blocked it out, but that didn't sound like me. Now she had a name. I had no clue what she looked like, but she did have a name now. It made her feel more like an actual person. Sort of. Carissa...it sounds snobby.

“Does that mean...?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

He cut me off. “No curfew.”

“Oh!”

“Yeah.”

Last call came and went, and Rosalie and I managed to clear the bar out with the help of our security guard and Edward. Rose restocked the coolers with the beer the bar back brought out for us, while I quickly wiped down and swept everything while Dave, the security guy, locked up for us. On our way out, Edward helped us carry the garbage to the dumpster, then led me to his car. I hugged and kissed Rosalie good night and told her to send me a text when she got home so I would know she was safe.

On the drive to my apartment, Edward kept his hand on my thigh, inching it higher and higher as we talked about how my night had gone.

We pulled up out front and I ran to the steps, spinning to face him when we reached the door.

“Stay here for a minute, it's kind of messy right now and I want to clean up real quick,” I said, placing one hand flat against his chest.

He dove in toward my neck, but I leaned away from his eager mouth. “I don't care what your apartment looks like. Let's get in there.”

“No! I'm serious. I'll be right back. I promise!”

I dashed in and went straight to my bedroom. I pulled the can liner from the garbage pail next to my bed and shoved it into the big kitchen garbage can.  Then I stripped the sheets off my bed and replaced them with a fresh set from my closet. I hadn't changed them since Jacob had been over on Wednesday, and that was just...eww.

Most weeks, Jake comes over on Wednesdays, and then I'm alone or at Rosalie's Thursday and Friday because we have to work those nights. Sometimes Jake ends up with me, but not usually. Saturdays are reserved for Jacob as well, so I never really see a point in changing my sheets until Sunday morning when I do the rest of my big cleaning. I definitely didn't expect to have any company tonight.

Before going back to the door, I went into the bathroom and did a quick spot check for anything feminine or potentially embarrassing lying around that I wouldn't want Edward to see.

When I was sure the coast was clear, I walked back to the door and pulled it open. To both of our surprise, Edward was leaning against the door with his back to it and he practically fell back into me.

Regaining his balance, he grabbed my hand and led me directly to my bedroom.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I offered.

“Nope.”

He pushed me down onto my bed and I bounced down onto my back with my legs dangling over the edge. He fell down over top of me, hands on either side of my head and still kind of standing over me, straddling my legs.

“You are so gorgeous,” he whispered in a husky tone. His hands fingered through my hair that had fanned out around me as he leaned in for our first kiss of the night. He tasted like sweet mints and his mouth was hot and eager against mine.

“Mmm, you're looking pretty good yourself,” I mumbled in between kisses and soft moans. “You should have heard all those women in the bar tonight.”

His mouth trailed up my cheek to my ear, then down my neck to my collarbone.

“There were other women in the bar? I hadn't noticed.”

I giggled and reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. The corset-like top I wore came together in a line of eye hooks all the way down the front, and he quickly went to work unhooking each one.

I ran my hands up his sides, over his sculpted chest and across his perfect six pack abs.  Leaning up, I kissed along his shoulders as he continued disrobing me. My shirt fell open finally, releasing my braless breasts, which he immediately took in his mouth. The sensation of his tongue swirling against my sensitive skin made hips shift, bringing his attention back to my jeans. He continued a trail of kisses down my torso while he unbuttoned my pants, and I lifted myself slightly so he could slide them off me.

Left in only a pair of lacy boy short undies, I scooted myself back on the bed, and he crawled toward me. As he made his way up, he kissed and licked my legs starting at my calf, then alternating leg to leg. His pace slowed the higher he got up my thighs, and I thought for sure I'd end up breaking the rules of my arrangement if he kept going.

Strong hands pushed my legs open to give him access to me, and his thumbs rubbed back and forth on the creases at the very top of my thighs. Taking in quick and loud breaths, I cocked my head to watch as he drew his mouth toward my aching center. So lightly that I could barely feel, he laid his lips against the thin fabric covering me and let out a hot breath that nearly sent me over the edge right there.

Not trusting myself to let him stay down there any longer, I instantly grabbed his arms and pulled him up on top of me, kissing him furiously and clawing at the pants he still wore.

“I...want you...now,” I moaned.

He wrapped himself faster than I even noticed as I wiggled out of my panties, and I opened up for him. With a violent thrust, I took him in completely, pulling his entire body down against mine in the process. Our simultaneous moans filled my bedroom as I bucked my hips up toward him and he made quick, short thrusts into me. It was all we could manage with my arms like vice grips around his back, but I needed to feel him pinned against me that way, at that moment. He pressed his mouth against mine, but we weren't really kissing. We held our lips there, occasionally flicking our tongues against each other, but mostly just maintaining that contact between every part of our bodies we could.

“Mmm...Bella,” he growled into my mouth. His fingers knotted into my hair and fisted tightly, roughly. “You feel...heaven...amazing...fuck! You're beautiful.”

We continued that way for a few more minutes, wrapped as tightly around each other as we could manage until he told me he wanted to see me in the mirror. I released my grasp and allowed him to slide out of me so that I could turn over on my hands and knees. He kneeled behind me, guiding himself back inside me, positioning his hands on my hips and beginning to rock again. Once he was secured in place, I pulled my legs together just a bit to increase the friction and sensation for both of us. He groaned at my pleasurable adjustment, and I watched his reflection as he pulled a hand back and smacked my ass. Hard. Even though I could see it, I still shrieked, but it made me smile at him in the mirror and shift back against him.

The look on his face as he pumped me was almost my undoing. He looked so blissful, so completely engrossed in the way our bodies worked together, and I never took my eyes away from him in our reflection.

His hands slid to my stomach and pulled me up off my hands so that I was kneeling like he was. I tipped my head to the side so he could kiss along my neck and I turned to receive several kisses on my swollen lips as well. His touch traveled up to my chest, cupping my heaving breasts in each hand and pinching at my nipples.

I felt his pace quicken and I worked myself into his new rhythm. One hand stayed on my chest while the other slid back down my middle where his nimble fingertips stroked my sensitive bundle of nerves.

My already loud moans became faster, louder and higher until I contracted around him. I reached one hand around to his ass, holding him against me while the other snaked to the back of his head taking a fist full of thick bronze hair.

“Look at me, Bella,” he demanded, and I did.

Our eyes locked in the mirror so I both saw and felt him stiffen. One last, hard jolt sent me face down into the mattress with him collapsing on top of me with a final moan of my name. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

After only a few seconds, he pulled out of me and rolled us so that we were face to face on our sides. Our arms and legs entwined and he pulled me toward him. We only paused for him to discard the condom, and then we went back to kissing.

It was soft, sweet make out while we basked in afterglow of extremely hot sex.

We stayed that way for a long time, kissing and whispering compliments and words of affection back and forth.

“You're really staying?” I asked, staring into his deep green eyes I wanted to dive right into.

“Mmm hmm,” he chuckled. His fingers combed through my hair, and I thought I would melt right there.

“Good,” I smiled. “Let's get under the covers, then.”

I hopped out of bed momentarily to flick off the light, returning to snuggle up into his open and waiting arms.

We stayed there, enveloped in each others' warmth, whispering to one another despite the fact that no one was around to hear us. Feather light touches traced up and down my spine, making me shiver and cling tighter to his perfect naked form. I found myself transfixed with his tattoos, as always, or at least what I could see of them in the dim light that filtered through my windows.

I reveled in the moment, in our closeness. I was exhausted. After a full week of work and two consecutive nights at the bar, my body ached for sleep, but my mind wouldn't allow it. This opportunity to be together this way was rare. A first. To give our time over to sleep felt like an unforgivable waste, so I willed myself to stay awake and carry on our conversation in any way I could.

My head rested in the corner of his chest and shoulder, rising and falling with each breath he took, bouncing lightly with each chuckle or laugh. My bottom arm was curled up between us, and my top splayed out against his stomach. His body, both soft and hard, was intoxicating to me. I found it nearly impossible keep my hand still, but I didn't think it bothered him. His hands were just as active against my skin, constantly raising goose bumps in the wake of his touch. It felt like an electrical current passed through us every time we touched, and I wondered if he could feel it, too. It wasn't enough. If I could have melded our bodies into one right then I would have. Anything to have more of him.

I was so peaceful in our genuine alone time, pushing any thoughts of his eminent departure to the back of my mind and enjoying what I had right here and now. He never said it, but what I felt radiating off Edward told me that he shared my sentiments.

Probably induced by some sort of sleepless delirium, a question came to my mind that I couldn't brush past. Before my mental filter could catch up with my voice, I said it.

“Why me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, shifting us so that we were now side by side and face to face. I whimpered involuntarily at the disconnection, but his top hand quickly returned to its resting place on my hip.

I squeezed my eyes shut, searching my brain for the right way to phrase what I wanted to say. My two little words, my word vomit, had opened this door and I knew full well he wouldn't allow me to just ignore it and move on.

“Your life. Your family. Why me? What's missing?” My last question was barely audible, but I knew he heard it. My eyes dropped away from his gaze, but he immediately grasped my chin to remedy this and return me to him.

He just stared at me there for a while. In the darkness, I couldn't read his expression the way I wanted to, but I saw a longing in there somewhere. Whether a longing for me or for the right words I didn't know and I couldn't really guess.

“I...” he began, but trailed off. I didn't say anything, only focused on keeping my breathing even and quiet as my fluttering nerves betrayed me. “When I saw you that first night...there was just something about you. I saw you looking at me, too, and it was as if my body took over all my sensibility. Then once I actually talked to you, I realized I couldn't let you walk away from me.”

“But you've never done anything like this?” I asked shyly. I didn't want to insinuate anything about him, but I was truly curious.

“Never, Bella. Only you.  I’ve told you that before.”

I sighed and nodded at him, letting it be known that I believed him.

“And what about you?” he asked, breaking our silence once more. “I mean, you knew. I told you.”

“I guess it was kind of the same for me,” I admitted. “Like you said, there was just something there.”

There was, though I would never admit the other part of it to him. The part about my sense of sexual victory and domination. The part that he would probably take the wrong way, and I didn't want him to change his opinions of me.

“I love my family, Bella, I do,” he said in a tone that sounded somewhat defeated. My stomach twisted at his words. “You're just different. When I'm with you, I feel like you're what I was always looking for. I can't just leave them, but I don't want to be without you either. Does that make any sense?”

“It makes perfect sense, actually.” It really did, because I felt the same way about him more often than I liked to admit.

“God, I'm the most selfish ass in the world, aren't I?” He took his hand from my neck and pushed it through his hair, tugging on the long strands.

I put my hand over his, lacing my fingers between his and pulling them back down to rest between us. “I guess that makes me just as selfish,” I said with a half smile. I tried to sound reassuring because it was the truth. We were both a part of this, equally at fault for our indiscretions.

Slowly, he proceeded to tell me about his parents' messy divorce and what the dissension did to his childhood psyche. In a weird way, I understood. The choices his parents made and the way they handled their separation had a dramatic effect on him. The ghosts of that situation stayed with him, even into adulthood, and I knew he couldn't find any way to justify doing that to his own son.

I reassured him that I understood. I described the year that my mom left my dad and me, and how long it took for all of us to recover from it after she and my dad reconciled. It was a dark place in my past that I didn't like to revisit, but given the circumstances, it felt appropriate to share. I could tell that my openness had served its purpose when Edward pulled me in and kissed my forehead.

“Bella, I want you to know that...I want you to be happy. You deserve it. If you ever found someone...someone you could really be with, I wouldn't stand in your way.”

No words seemed appropriate in that moment, so I leaned toward him and laid a chaste kiss on his lips as my silent thank you.  As much as we wanted one another, he was willing to put my happiness first.  It was the reassurance I had always hoped for; my guarantee that I wasn’t just his whore.

He didn't allow me to back away, and our kiss deepened slowly until it was too much to handle with our bodies once again moving against one another. I felt him stiffen almost instantly, and I rolled myself on top of him. I kissed every bit of his skin my lips could find until we were made one again, rocking to the beat of our staggered, jagged breaths.

We collapsed into the bed, always touching and submitted to the sleep our bodies craved.

I got no regret right now (I’m feeling this)
The air is so cold and low (I’m feeling this)
Let me go in her room (I’m feeling this)
I wanna take off her clothes (I’m feeling this)
Show me the way to bed (I’m feeling this)
Show me the way you move (I’m feeling this)
Fuck it, it's such a blur (I’m feeling this)
I love all the things you do (I’m feeling this)

Blink 182

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