Outtake #7
EPOV
The phone rang once, twice, three times as I held the receiver to my ear. She’s not going to answer. Why do I keep trying when all logic tells me not to?
Because you can’t let go.
There had been one other phone call between the time Rosalie answered for Bella and now. Bella had avoided me all week, but when I called early on a Saturday morning she answered. Her attitude had been a little hostile, yet I couldn’t fault her for it; she had little reason to trust me anymore. However, when she tried to deny that there was something more than sex between us, I had to make a stand. She was speechless afterward, and I wasn’t sure if I’d gone too far. Bella never said whether she would answer the next time I called. I had resigned myself to believing that I would only meet her voicemail when the ringing stopped.
“Hello?” Her voice was smooth like honey and it lingered in my ear.
“Bella,” I said softly. If I could hear the relief in my voice, I’m certain she could, too. “You answered.”
“Yes, I did.” I knew she was smiling. I could feel it.
“Right, yeah. How are you? Are you busy?”
“No, I’m just on my way home from the gym now. How was your day?” she asked sweetly. She sounded slightly apprehensive, but at the same time, happy. After our previous calls I had to wonder what she was really thinking. I had upset her so much, and had to fight my way back into her life. I certainly wasn’t in her good graces yet, but she made no indication otherwise. I felt like I was waiting on a ticking time bomb.
It never came.
We talked for an hour as I prepared dinner before Carissa returned home from work. Finn was otherwise occupied playing the Wii with one of the children from the neighborhood.
I knew that Bella worked as a preschool teacher and that she used to bartend full-time, but she had never given me much background on how she came into that line of work. It was endearing to hear her talk about the children in her class, and I’ll admit it warmed my heart to see that side of her. She was compassionate, kind, and full of love for each of those little ones. However, it bothered me to find out that she sought that job upon the insistence of her ex, James.
It was obvious that talking about him made her uncomfortable, so I tried not to pry. I found that to be very difficult at times because from the sound of it, that relationship was out of character for her. He sounded like a manipulative, obsessive jerk. The thought of Bella being controlled by someone who couldn’t see how she deserved to be treated was truly sickening. My stomach was in knots over the fact that I couldn’t go back in time and protect her, but then again, she appeared to be pretty well recovered now. I wondered how she would react if she ever saw him again.
Later that evening, when Finn was in bed and Carissa was busy playing on some mommy website she enjoyed, my thoughts returned to Bella. Hatred for this James I didn’t even know had been brewing inside me until I faced a sudden realization. Was I really any better than that low life? For nearly two years, he had my precious Bella as his own, and he treated her like dirt. Granted I am neither addicted to drugs nor emotionally abusive, but who am I to lead this double life with Carissa and Bella? Don’t they both deserve better? For very different reasons, they are both wonderful women. Each deserved happiness and love, but was I worthy enough to give it to them? How was I supposed to chose? Could I, or would my selfish nature keep me on this same path indefinitely?
Those thoughts plagued me daily.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Tell me the best part of your day.”
“Umm…talking to you?”
My heart rate spiked when I heard her words come through the phone, but I could sense the hint of a teasing tone. “No really.” I didn’t want to get my hopes up either way.
“Why can’t you believe that talking to you is the best part of my day? Maybe it is,” she insisted. “Maybe I had a really shitty day, and now you’re making it all better.”
I smiled, though she wouldn’t see that. “Bella, did you have a shitty day?”
“Nah,” she replied quickly. “It was a day like any other.”
“So talking to me isn’t the best part of your day?”
Her giggle was soft and sweet, and I wished I could see her expression that accompanied it. “Is someone fishing for compliments?”
“Please?”
“Okay, okay! Talking to you is a great part of my day, but the best part would have to be…getting a new electric toothbrush.”
“You’re joking,” I deadpanned.
“Not at all.”
“So what you’re telling me,” I said matter-of-factly, “Is that you like your toothbrush more than me? Wow, I feel really awesome. I wish I hadn’t asked.”
Her laugh was stronger this time, more vibrant and completely captivating. “Do you know how wonderful an electric toothbrush is? Seriously, Edward…fresh batteries and some nice, firm bristles. Mmm…it feels so good!”
Her passion for dental hygiene was incredibly amusing. I couldn’t resist teasing her. “Fresh batteries? Are you sure you’re talking about a toothbrush, or is there some other purchase you’d like to tell me about. In detail, please.”
“You’re incorrigible, Edward!” she giggled. “For the record, I don’t do toys, not that it’s any of your business. I prefer the real deal; sweaty, sticky, loud, and hard. Not to mention toys can’t kiss.”
“I’ll take you’re word for that. Do you think I can interest you in something…what was it? Sweaty, sticky, loud, and hard?”
“Not yet,” she said softly. I wanted to kick myself. The mood had been so playful, and I went and ruined it by being overly eager.
I paused for a moment to find the appropriate words. “You’re right, Bella. I’m sorry for pushing you. Forgive me?”
“Of course. I started it anyway.”
“Thank you.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In two weeks, I had spoken to Bella six separate times, and a total of nearly nine hours. Whenever I had free time or could get away, I was dialing Bella’s number. Sometimes she didn’t answer, but when I was lucky, she did. I was starting to learn the best times to call, and she always seemed willing to indulge me.
We didn’t discuss what I’d said and done to her that night at Mike’s house. She accepted my apologies and told me we could be friends again. Now was my time to work on that friendship and earn her trust back. I couldn’t explain why, but it was so important to me. I steered away from suggestive conversations as much as I could, but it was difficult not to flirt. Bella was charming, funny, and sweet; how could I resist her? That pull I felt to her the first night we met was still there. Even over phone lines and in different towns, I couldn’t deny the attraction I felt to her physically and emotionally.
Through all my efforts, I learned a great deal about Bella. We already knew that our musical tastes were quite similar, but that never stopped us from discussing our favorite artists, albums, or new releases. In fact, that subject filled many of our conversations. She was passionate when she spoke of the music she loved, and she truly had a soft spot for lyrics. We found that our interests complemented each other because I was more interested in the musicians and their talent. I also learned that Bella wanted to skydive, had been to South America when she was in college, and could make her own sushi. I was given details about her friendship with Rosalie, but she never spoke of many male friends. I knew she had them, but it was a subject she avoided. I can’t say I was particularly interested in learning about other men in her life, anyway.
While I wanted to learn everything there was to know about Bella, I had harder time opening up about my own life. Naturally, we avoided discussing Carissa. I still told her about Finn, and what he was doing and learning these days. I gave her small bits of information about Carissa, but the details were sparse. Bella knew that Carissa and I had known each other since we were kids, though I never shared how we ended up together or how I felt about our marriage. I had the sense that conversations about my wife made Bella uncomfortable, so I didn’t bring them up unless she asked. I left out pretty much all details of my teenage years, as well. Other than music and Finn, the one subject I spoke most passionately about was cars. I told her how cars and engines had been an interest of mine since childhood, and how I was an auto shop junkie in high school. She heard about my work at a local garage, and how I managed to open up my own business when Finn was a toddler. Bella seemed interested, even when the subject was beyond her understanding. I had the feeling she enjoyed hearing me talk as much as I enjoyed learning about her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Life at home was undeniably easier than it had been. Well, easier may not be the correct term, but it was certainly less tense. I wasn’t in awful moods any longer, thanks to Bella, but I also wasn’t putting too much effort into my marriage, either. Don’t get me wrong, I still treated Carissa well, I just stuck to my whole “friends” mindset. The guilt lingered, but with time, I became more comfortable with the arrangement.
Carissa was detached in her own way, but didn’t nag me. She seemed content with her hobbies and interests, and we were able to develop an amicable flow. It wasn’t as though we reduced our relationship to that of roommates, yet we weren’t functioning in the tradition husband and wife manner, either. I accepted our marriage for what is was at the present time, and it seemed to me that she did, too. We still shared our bed, we still shared sentiments of love, and we continued our date night pattern. We were partners in parenting, and lovers on the side…occasionally.
Although I was interested in Bella for far more, she was simply my friend at the present time. We did not do anything more than talk, so I felt no need to over think that situation. I held out hope that Bella would allow me back into her life on a face-to-face basis, but until then, I would not berate myself for finding a friend and confidant in her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I laid in bed a few weeks later staring at the ceiling. I was sick and run down, and Carissa had taken Finn to her parents’ house for the day so that I could rest. What a way to spend a Saturday. I had already slept for so long I couldn’t sleep anymore, but I was too achy and cranky to get out of bed. Nothing on television was holding my interest. I was bored out of my freaking mind. I rolled over toward my iHome and turned on some music.
“Hold your hand into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time
So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me.”
Pray for mercy, instead of time
So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me.”
Listening to the lyrics, I made a split second decision and picked up my phone to call Bella. Something about being a masochist made me think of her.
“Oh thank you so much! I’m stuck at my mom and dad’s house all day for this lame party with all her friends and I am going nuts!” the voice on the other end said gratefully.
“Now I imagine you would break your mother’s heart if she heard you say that, Bella,” I quipped.
“Shit, Edward, you sound terrible. What’s wrong with you?” Her voice softened with concern that made me smile.
I shrugged to no one. “I’m sick and bed ridden…and insanely bored.”
“Well, that makes two of us. What’s up?”
“Not a whole lot other than laying here in my own funk,” I said honestly.
“Umm, gross. Thanks for sharing.”
“You love it. But onward to more interesting conversations – what do you think of Evan’s Blue?”
She paused for a moment, which I assumed meant she was thinking it over. “Honestly, I’ve only ever heard their stuff on the radio. I like that a lot, but I don’t have much of an opinion beyond that.”
“I’ll burn you a copy,” I promised. “You’ll like it. It’s not typical jaded rocker stuff. I think you would appreciate the variety in their lyrics.”
“Hmm, burn me a copy, eh? Like you assume you’re going to be seeing me sometime soon?” I couldn’t tell if she was teasing me or shooting me down.
“I hope I will.”
“Maybe.”
“I can live with maybe. It’s better than no.”
“Right, so anyway…” she began, changing the subject. “Question time: You’re stuck on a deserted island for the rest of your life. You can choice one artist or band to listen to forever, one book to read, and one television series. What do you choose?”
I responded quickly. “Easy. The Beatles, A Light in the Attic, and The Office.”
“Seriously?” she asked in disbelief.
“Absolutely,” I said. “The Beatles are classic, and the song content and style varies so much that there’s something for every mood. Plus you said a band, not just an album, so I assume I would get the entire Beatles library.”
“I accept that, but Shel Silverstein poems for your book?”
“Hell yes. Bella, you have obviously been out of elementary school too long and have forgotten the awesomeness of Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me, Too.”
She giggled in response and recited the few lines of Mrs. McTwitter back to me.
“See what I mean?” I asked. “I stand by my book choice. As for The Office, I shouldn’t have to explain. That shit’s just plain funny. You get comedy, love, drama, and pranks all in one show. There’s nothing better.”
“Okay, okay, I concede,” she agreed.
“Aren’t you going to give me yours? It was your question.”
“No, I’m far too smart to get myself stuck on a deserted island. Plus I don’t go anywhere without my iPod, so I’d have all the music and videos I want.”
“You’re a cheater,” I laughed.
“Eh, it was my question.”
We talked on and on like that about silly, pointless things for nearly three hours. At one point I had to pause to plug my phone into the charger, but our conversation continued. Bella informed me that Thai and Indian food are her favorites, especially the spicier varieties. She told me about favorite books from her childhood and how she would read under the covers with a flashlight after her parents put her to bed. She spoke passionately when I brought up world travel and asked her where in the world she would like to visit. I answered all of the same questions, as well, but I listened much more than I spoke. I loved hearing to her voice, and imagining the animation in her expressions with each new topic.
Eventually, Bella’s mother came looking for her and asked that she go say goodbye to their guests. We reluctantly shared a few parting words, and before she could hang up I asked one final question.
“Bella, wait. Do you think…I was just wondering…It’s been a while now, and I’ve loved taking these past weeks to get to know you. I want to see you. Please say yes.”
“Oh…umm, Edward, I don’t know,” she said slowly.
“Why? What’s the matter? We’re friends, aren’t we?” I insisted. “I only want to see you as your friend. I miss you.”
She sighed softly, and I could hear her take a deep breath through the phone. “Friends? I…I want to see you, too, but you can’t go pulling that shit on me like you did before.”
“Never, I promise!”
“If you promise and if you remember that this was your idea, then I say yes.”
I jumped up from my bed and threw one arm into the air victoriously. My elation was a little over the top, but I had spent week after week trying to earn Bella’s trust back after fucking things up so royally last time. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
We spoke for a few more minutes, and eventually decided that we would meet and go up into the city for a few hours. It would be my opportunity to do something nice for her, and it would allow us to go somewhere that we could be alone and not have to worry about getting caught. Doing things in public was always difficult when we stayed close to home, but the options were endless in Seattle.
As soon as we were off the phone I laid back in my bed and began planning where I was going to take Bella the following weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment