Chapter 28
Songs: The Best of Me – The Starting Line & Wait For Me – Theory of a Deadman
I stood in my bathroom, peeking through the door at a sleeping Edward, my tattooed angel. He had taken a late flight into LAX, and we were both practically sleepwalking by the time we made it back to the condo. Needless to say, we passed out as soon as we curled up in my bed together. I awoke before him this morning, so I decided to get a head start on a shower and allow him to rest a little longer.
As I stepped under the hot water, my mind wandered to our kiss at the arrival gate of the airport. It had been so powerful that I was sure if we’d been clay, Edward would have twisted and molded us into one piece in that moment. It was the first time we had seen each other since our decision to attempt this long distance relationship, and there was a new kind of desperation in every kiss, touch, and look we shared. I lingered on the sensation of sleeping wrapped up in him last night. He felt like home and desire all tangled into one. As I lingered on those thoughts, a rush of heat passed through my body from the inside out that had nothing to do with the water that was currently steaming up the bathroom.
My eyes shot open when I heard the sound of smooth metal rubbing on metal as the shower curtain was pulled back. I was suddenly no longer alone in the shower. I couldn’t imagine what my surprised expression looked like, but I think it must have been something priceless given the wide smile that spread across Edward’s face. Then his expression turned to one I wasn’t sure I could place. It was like someone on the edge of the Earth who was finally witnessing a sunrise after months of darkness.
I was first embarrassed because this was another position we had not been in for a very long time. It was hard not to wonder if he thought my body had changed or still looked as good as he remembered. I panicked, not exactly sure what he was expecting of me. My body tensed as my eyes darted from one part of his body to another, knowing that he was doing the same to me. To avoid the temptation of his naked form in front of me, I adjusted my focus to his face. His smile finally allowed me to relax a little, and I couldn’t help but lose myself in the gorgeous man in front of me.
It only took half a step for him to be pressed against me. I had missed the instantaneous reactions he caused in my body – the feverish desire to trace each of his tattoos, to taste his skin, to feel him inside me. The hot water pouring over us only intensified the way I was feeling. I had no idea if I would be able to maintain my control under these circumstances.
My breathing was heavy as he kissed me, pushing harder against me and pressing my body onto the shower wall. I was able to connect with the slightest fraction of reality long enough to pull my lips away from his momentarily.
“Edward, I…” I gasped. “We can’t. I can’t.”
“Shhh,” he soothed. “Nothing is going to happen that you don’t want. I promise you that, Bella.”
His mouth moved down my neck and across my collarbone as his hands traced over my shoulders, across my ribs, along the curve of my waist, and rested on my backside. My body involuntarily arched out toward his, and I pulled him back to my lips. I had never felt this connected to anyone…this passionate. Even with the physical relationships of my past and everything that Edward and I had done together, none of it had ever made me feel as desperate and out of control as I did in that moment.
His breaths became my own. The exchange was needful and nearly overwhelming as we gasped against each others mouth, locked in our kiss. The water allowed my hands to glide easily over his smooth, muscular frame, and he held me impossibly closer. I was sure I could stay that way with Edward forever. Maybe not forever…I would give in eventually.
His lips moved away from mine and along my neck, and my head tipped back involuntarily, allowing him better access as I moaned his name. Slowly, he traced a line straight down my body from the hollow of my neck to just below my belly button with slow, intentional kisses. His hands followed him down on either side, coming to rest on the outside of my thighs. Soft kisses covered my midriff, stirring a demanding need within me until he paused and looked up at me expectantly. I took in one deep breath and then another, contemplating, trying to separate my urges from my sensibility. It was no small task.
Finally, I shook my head, sure that he could see the disappointment as it passed through my eyes. “I just…haven’t been on birth control in a really long time, and I don’t think I could stop.”
He smiled up at me. “It’s okay.”
He rose slowly, dragging his hands up my torso, moving with a firm but gentle touch over my stomach, lingering at my chest, up my neck, and finally cupping my face in his hands. He kissed me, softer this time, then pulled back to allow me to move away from the wall. The smile on his face revealed no frustration or disappointment, though other parts of his body may have suggested otherwise.
“Have you done this yet?” he asked, reaching for a bottle of shampoo. I shook my head, and he poured some of it into his hands. He massaged the soap through my hair, carefully wiping away any bubbles that slipped over onto my face. I wanted to give into the sensuality of his actions and had to fight back my desires, instead focusing on the love and care for me he demonstrated. His hands guided the water through my hair to rinse, and he repeated his task with conditioner, never removing his eyes from mine. His crooked smile as he worked dazzled me; we didn’t speak, but that was all the communication we required. He reached past me for my bath puff and covered it in my fragrant perfumed soap. As he ran the sudsy sponge over every inch of my body in smooth lines and small circular patterns, his free hand followed, retracing each sweep over my skin. A shudder ran through my body more than once, and with each one, a giggle escaped from my mouth. When he had finished, he pressed himself to me again for more kisses as the water dissolved all the bubbles we’d created, forcing them down the drain.
I turned my back to him to face the water and wash my face, and his arms wrapped around my waist. His lips pressed kisses onto the top of my shoulders, and I could hear him faintly taking in the scent of my clean skin. I didn’t want to move from this position of security and deep intimacy, but a change in the water temperature caught our attention simultaneously.
“Why don’t you go ahead out while I clean up?” he instructed me, turning me out of the cooling water and moving himself into the stream.
I obliged with a smile and stepped out into the steamy bathroom.
After calming my body and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen and fixed some coffee and breakfast while Edward finished. I had to work, so after a long walk where we held hands and enjoyed the spring morning, Edward came with me to Rendezvous. Later, we headed back to the condo to change our clothes and relax for a little while before the club opened for the night. Deciding upon dinner at a nice Italian place near Rendezvous, we left again. Our entire day had been so comfortable, bordering on domestic, that I wondered what things would be like if we could do that everyday.
Over dinner, Edward got serious. “We should talk about the future.”
I took a hard gulp of the wine that was already in my mouth and nodded for him to continue.
“I have a prospective buyer for my shop, but I need to know what you want to do, Bella. Have you had any time to look at jobs in Washington?”
I shook my head. This was not the first time Edward had brought up the idea of me moving back home, and his expression was hopeful. To be completely honest, I had very little interest in doing that. He knew that living there again was not something I desired, so scoping out jobs in the area was not high on my list of priorities.
“I didn’t think so,” he said flatly, his face falling to an impassive look. I cringed a little, but he didn’t seem mad. I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking.
“I’m sorry, Edward.”
“No, I get it. I know it’s not about me, but you realize it limits our options, right?”
“Yeah,” I muttered, feeling like a child who had been caught doing something wrong.
He reached across the table and took my hand, imploring me to understand his perspective. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, baby, I just want to be realistic about things. If we’re doing this, there has to be some sort of compromise.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“Luckily, I have good news. Well, news with potential,” he said, brightening suddenly. “I’ve been talking to my lawyer about a few things. Do you remember me saying how Finn’s been fighting me on going back to his mom’s house after he’s been with me?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “He did that when I was there after Christmas.”
“Exactly. Well, it’s becoming more frequent, and when he asks to stay, he’s getting more upset about it. Carissa won’t say anything specific to me, but I know that he’s been giving her a harder time. Don’t get me wrong, she’s his mother and he loves her, but he’s making it pretty clear that he wants to be with me more than her.”
“What does that mean?”
“According to my lawyer, Finn is at an age where most judges will take the child’s preference into account during a custody hearing. If he tells a judge he wants to live with me, there’s a really great chance they would grant me primary custody so that we could move.”
“Oh my god! Are you serious?” I asked, trying to tame my voice to a respectable level in the restaurant. I slapped my free hand over my mouth and he squeezed the other that he was still holding.
He smiled widely, clearly excited by the prospect. “That’s what I’ve been told.”
“Have you brought it up with Finn yet?” I asked, dying for more information.
“Not really. He says little things about wanting to stay at my house more often, but I don’t want to pressure him. I also don’t want to mention the possibility of moving and have him repeat it to Carissa before I actually have a plan. We’re on good terms right now, but if she felt threatened, there is always the chance she would do something to keep me from pursuing primary custody. I don’t want to take the risk until I have more information.”
“So what information do you need?” I asked.
“Yours,” he said simply.
“Mine?”
“Yes, Bella. If I’m going to do this, I need to know that you’re ready. Assuming everything would go well with the custody situation and selling my business, not to mention finding work or opening something here, Finn would be here with me. He would most likely go with Carissa in the summer and on major holidays. Is that something you can handle?”
“I…” I began, but stopped suddenly. Logically, I knew that Finn was a part of Edward’s life. Edward’s role had changed since the divorce, so if they moved, Finn’s presence would automatically change certain dynamics of our relationship. Could I handle that?
There was no doubt that I loved children, and I knew I loved Edward. I had heard so many stories and accounts of Finn’s life in the nearly three years I had known Edward that I felt like I knew him well.
I thought about Garrett and how happy he was with Kate. When they first got together, he had to adjust to her children, but in the end, it didn’t matter to him. They were a part of Kate, so he took the whole package. He loved her children because he loved her, and now they were planning a wedding and would all be a family together.
Family… I would never try to be Finn’s mother, but I could show him that I loved his father and that it was possible to have a healthy, happy life after your parents divorced. There were so many factors I couldn’t possibly fathom, but there was no need to dwell on those now. I needed to give Edward my response.
Yes, for Edward, I absolutely could handle having Finn here in California with us. With us.
I reached out for his other hand and held both of his sandwiched between mine lovingly. “I can handle it. We can handle it, baby. As long as we’re together, we’ll tackle whatever we have to in order to make it happen,” I told him with a sincere smile. Our life together wouldn’t be without complications, but we could make it work.
“And what if it doesn’t work out? What then, Bella?” he asked seriously. “If I can’t get the custody changed, is that it for us?”
“No!” I answered immediately. I didn’t want to go back to living in dreary Washington, especially after enjoying my fast paced life in L.A., but something had to give.
“So...what does that mean?”
I searched for the right words. “You’re taking a huge risk. For me,” I said, reaching out and brushing my hand across his cheek. “I love you for that because I know how you feel about divorce and separating a child from his parents. The fact that you’re willing to make such huge changes for both you and Finn is the most amazing testament of your love for me.”
As I spoke, slow tears began to stream down my face. I quickly rolled my shoulders to wipe my eyes at the top of my sleeves. Edward moved his chair around the table to be closer to me, supplying me with the comfort that only his touch could provide, but he maintained enough distance that we could still look at each other as we talked.
“Shh…don’t cry, love. Something will work out for us,” he promised. “There are no circumstances that could keep me from you now.”
“Thank you,” I said, looking at him through puffy, red eyes. “I know I’m stubborn and unmoving, but if me coming home is the only way, I…I can do that.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Edward. Every single bit of this scares me to death because I cannot handle the thought of not being with you. Not after waiting and everything else we’ve gone through. If you can’t move, then I’ll just have to.”
He opened his mouth to protest or ask something, I wasn’t sure which, but I didn’t let him get that far before I continued.
“You know I don’t want to live there again, but I know that you don’t want to leave Finn without one of his parents. If I have to choose between California and you, I choose you. I choose us because I don’t feel whole without you anymore.
“No matter what happens, there are going to be rough patches. If you move for me, Finn will be away from Carissa, you’ll have to let him go for holidays, there will be adjustments with new schools and jobs, and so much more. But in the same respect, if I move, I have to find a new job, we’ll need to form some kind of working relationship with Carissa…. Can you see where I’m going here?”
His hand rubbed up and down my arm, creating a path that his eyes followed until they locked with mine once more. “We’ll figure this out. Doors don’t open without a reason. If I have faith in anything, it’s that, Bella. There was a reason you needed to come down here two years ago, and there’s a reason we’re together again. If Finn and I are supposed to come here, things will work in our favor. If not, well, that’ll be a different door, right?”
“Right,” I agreed, though the thought of uprooting my life again made me feel ill, especially now that I had my best friends and a great job here. I didn’t want to feel so uneasy about it, considering that Edward was willing to do the same thing to be with me, so I forced myself to focus on him. Being together would make whatever was in our future worthwhile, and if that meant I had to move, so be it. I loved and cared about Edward enough to go back.
The next two days of his visit were spent consumed with logistical details of his prospective move. We discussed living arrangements, drove around looking for good neighborhoods and schools, and began scoping out local garages and auto shops. Car modifications were a big thing in this area, so that gave Edward a good idea of what he had to work with down here. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to open his own business again, but he didn’t rule out the possibility.
Between all of that and my work, there was very little time for anything else. Our exhaustion added to my nervousness about intimacy, and Edward continued to be very respectful. It was actually me who initiated a quick slide around second base the morning he was leaving. I had been lying behind him with my arm draped over his body. In my half-waking state in the dark early morning hours, I had accidentally brushed over his erection. The temptation was too great, and I slid my hand beneath his pajama pants. It felt so good to touch him and have him completely at my mercy that way. He rolled toward me, gratefully accepting the gesture and then returning it eagerly with a dopey grin on his face. I halted our progress when my alarm clock went off, sprinting for the bathroom and locking the door before getting in the shower. I giggled happily when I heard the muted thud of a pillow hitting the door.
Edward was playfully annoyed when I emerged, but I promised to make an appointment with my doctor as soon as he was gone. That seemed to satisfy him temporarily. With all the new promise of our future, I knew that I would not resist the next time we were together. Those thoughts excited me to no end, but I behaved and didn’t tease Edward with them.
………………
While my life in L.A. pressed on, Edward continued talking to his lawyers on a pretty regular basis about selling his business and the custody issue with Finn. At the same time, I did research on different auto service businesses in the area. Emmett had a lot of contacts in a variety of businesses, so he helped me dig for information on anyone who may be looking to sell or open a shop. I had a few leads, and I passed each along to Edward. I researched a few fallback job options for myself in the Seattle area, but my hope was riding on things working out for Edward to move.
Being apart became harder with each passing day, especially as the prospect of him moving here eventually increased. We frequently shared how much we missed one another and wanted to be together, but there were times when I held back. It was difficult enough to be apart without drawing more attention to my need to be near him. The video chats helped most of the time, but they never fixed the loneliness. It was such a challenging balance, but we seemed to find the best way to handle everything.
As the end of Finn’s school year approached, Edward prepared himself for the inevitable conversation. He waited for a weekend that Carissa had gone to visit her brother’s family so that there would be time for Finn to process things before returning to his mother.
“I explained to him that I was thinking about moving away,” Edward had told me. “I told him that I would only go if he could come with me and asked him how he felt about living with me. I had to explain that he wouldn’t see his mom as much anymore, but he understood.”
“How did he react? What did he say?” I asked anxiously.
“He more or less told me that he wanted to stay at my house all the time, so if I wanted to move, he had to come with me.”
Edward went on to describe the rest of their conversation to me. He had to go into detail with Finn about how custody works in divorce situations. He also told Finn that he would be leaving his school and all his friends if they moved, but that he could see them when he came to visit his mom.
To Edward’s surprise, Finn was actually very excited about the thought of moving. When he was told that his dad wanted to move to California, he started talking about surfing and celebrities. Hearing that his dad knew people who could teach him to surf and introduce him to famous people fueled the young boy’s excitement. Not wanting to use such things to lure his son, Edward continued to remind him of the more serious aspects of a move that far.
In the end, Finn seemed set on the idea of going anywhere Edward did, as long as he got to be with his dad. He knew that he would have to talk to lawyer and explain to a judge that he wanted to live with his dad, even if it hurt his mom’s feelings, but Finn continuously said it was what he wanted. We both hoped his feelings wouldn’t waiver if and when he was away from Carissa for an extended period of time.
Edward didn’t tell his son about me quite yet, but that was something we could deal with in time. We agreed that with everything else that was happening, it could potentially complicate matters or distract from the primary goal.
A week and a half later, his lawyer had filed the appropriate paperwork to proceed with changes in the custody arrangement. A meeting was arranged with the judge, but before that could happen, Edward had to face Carissa.
It was a strange thing to help him figure out, but I tried to offer Edward the support he needed. We discussed how he would go about starting that conversation, if for no other reason than to allow Edward the opportunity to talk it out and find the best way to break the news to Carissa without damaging their otherwise amicable relationship. The day I knew he was going to break the news to her, I waited anxiously to hear from him.
From what he told me, she was infuriated and then devastated, which truly upset him; he never wanted to hurt her, but it was a necessary evil for him to gain primary custody. She cried, yelled, and protested, but Finn was the one who brought an end to her outburst. He had been in his bedroom at the time and came out when he heard the noise. He was troubled by her reaction, and when she realized that he was taking responsibility for his mother’s emotions, she got a hold of herself. Edward explained that it was so similar to the way he had initially blamed himself for the divorce that she immediately straightened up and discussed it seriously with Edward. He was equally distressed by the way Finn was reacting, and it made him nervous that perhaps things would not work out so well. The pressure of choosing one parent over the other in front of a judge was enough to wreck anyone, let alone a nine year old boy.
They managed to discuss things maturely, but not without a lot of disagreement. Carissa’s lawyer fought against Edward’s, attempting to get the petition thrown out altogether, but Edward was determined. They continually pressed that the child wanted to be with his father and that Carissa was going against the boy’s wishes.
I understood that Edward did not wish to villainize Carissa and wanted to avoid that “bitter divorcee” angle, but it was leverage that his lawyer would not allow Edward to forget. If it appeared as though Carissa was attempting to prevent Edward’s move, she would paint that picture herself. It was still a disheartening tactic he preferred to avoid, but we both knew that custody cases were seldom easy or simple.
After a great deal of emotional stress and turmoil for Edward, the appointment with the judge finally came. It went faster than he had anticipated. Once the judge met Finn and spoke to him in private, he had very little to say to Carissa and Edward. He took the time to look over their divorce proceedings, the notes from their marriage counselor, and the written statements from each parent. When he saw that the divorce and parental arrangement had been considerably friendly aside from this situation, he ruled in favor of the child.
I was in the middle of phone conference with an agent and a handful of personal assistants planning a birthday bash for an up and coming young actress when I received a call from Edward. I had to ignore it, under the circumstances, and he sent me a text a few moments later.
Done with the judge, call ASAP! ~E
The second my conference call ended, I was on the phone with Edward, who was so excited that his voice was shaking. I couldn’t tell if he was crying or not, but it sounded as though that may have been the case.
“Baby, it’s real! We can move and I’m really coming there to be with you!”
I voiced my congratulations, and at that moment, I wished so badly that I could be there with him. It had been two years since Edward first told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. Now it was actually happening. The moment was surreal, and I wondered if it was all just a dream – the conversations, our visits since Christmas, Edward being able to move to California – but he excitedly assured me that it was indeed real.
From that point forward, everything was a blur. Edward wanted to move before the new school year began, which meant that he had to get a jumpstart on making all the necessary arrangements to move. He contacted his business lawyer, and they began the steps to make a deal with that prospective buyer Edward had told me about.
There were also the matters of packing, selling his house, having all of Finn’s medical and school records transferred, and every other complicated detail of making a huge move like that when you have a business and a child to worry about. For me, the process had been a strain, but I accomplished it fairly easily. Edward had so many more details to deal with, and I didn’t even attempt to understand everything. All I could do was support him and offer my assistance from California.
Our biggest obstacle was that Edward’s house did not sell right away. He still had not figured out what he would do for work once he arrived, but he had enough savings to be comfortable for a number of months. Worst-case scenario, Emmett offered him a temporary security position at the club, not that Edward really wanted to do that. It was a gracious offer, but it would be impossible for Edward to work nights while Finn lived with him. Given the pending business sale, it would be difficult for him to buy a house in California until the one in Washington sold.
In addition, we were both hesitant about our living arrangements. He wanted me to move in with him right away, but I argued that it would probably be strange for Finn. Once I pointed out that his son didn’t really know me and that something so sudden could possibly cause tension in all our relationships, Edward understood and didn’t press the issue quite as much. He was looking out for his son’s best interest, of course, but he couldn’t help it if he wanted to get a jump-start on our life together.
To both our surprise, that issue was easily resolved when I took some time off work to travel to Washington and help Edward pack up his house.
I spent a day with my parents, and once I was at Edward’s house, we got to work. I had taken on the task of sorting through items that could be donated to a charity organization while he carefully packed delicate décor items. Granted, he was a man and didn’t have many frivolous decorations, but there were a great deal of framed photos and some art on the walls. As we were working, Finn burst through the front door, spouting off about who knows what at some superhuman speed that kids seem to have.
“Whoa, slow down there, buddy,” Edward said, laughing lightly at his son. “What are you doing over here today and what do you need?”
“Daaaaaaaad! Are you listening? I just said that I was playing baseball with Josh and Alex and Brandon and…and…and, umm, Asher and those two kids who live in the house with the green door and…”
“Okay, Finn, I get it. You were playing baseball,” Edward interrupted, still chuckling at the account. I swooned over his endearing paternal affection for his son. “Tell me what happened.”
“I hit a homerun!” Finn exclaimed, throwing his arms over his head and smiling victoriously. “It didn’t go over the fence, but I got all the way around the bases before they could get me out!”
“That’s great, Finn,” Edward said, walking over to his son and lifting him into a bear hug. They both laughed and commented on Finn’s accomplishment. It was such a sweet moment.
I smiled to myself as I watched the scene play out before me. They were the cutest pair. Finn had gone through a growth spurt since I last saw him and was so long and lanky. His hair showed the signs of summer; it was long and messy with a few pieces falling in his eyes. He wore a smile that was the mirror image of his father’s, and my heart swelled with love at the sight of the two of them together. I hoped beyond hope that Finn would someday love me enough to hug me like that, too.
After settling Finn down a bit and getting him a drink, Edward directed him back to where I was working in the dining room.
“Finn, this is my friend, Bella. Can you say hello?”
“Hi, Bella,” he said, smiling at me and then chugging a glass of orange juice. He let out an enormous breath after he finished, smiling again through the OJ mustache above his lip.
“Hi, Finn, it’s very nice to meet you,” I replied.
He looked at Edward with a mix of recognition and question in his eyes. “Hey, didn’t I meet her before?”
“Uh, yeah, you did,” Edward smiled. “She was here around Christmastime for a visit.”
“Ohhhh, now I remember. How come you haven’t come over again?” he asked curiously. I looked to Edward for some sort of cue.
“She actually lives in California. Where we’re moving,” Edward replied for me. “Do you remember those times I went away on the weekends?”
“Uh huh,” Finn said with a nod, waiting for more information.
“Well, I was in California visiting Bella and some of our other friends.”
Finn looked thoughtful for a moment, glancing back and forth between Edward and me. I waited lip nervously, wondering what he would make of the new information from his father. He looked to Edward.
“Is she, like, your girlfriend?”
I felt my cheeks flush as Edward smiled at me and then at his son. “Yeah, Finn. She’s my girlfriend.”
He was quiet again for a few moments. When he looked up from his empty glass, his eyes were locked with mine. They had the same intensity as Edward’s, which actually intimidated me a little bit. It was such a silly reaction to a young boy, but I couldn’t help it.
“Are you going to live with us in California?”
“I, uh…Edward?” I said in surprise. I had absolutely no idea how to field that question. Being a complete asshole, Edward just raised his eyebrows at me and tipped his head toward Finn. I didn’t miss the hint of amusement in his eyes. “Umm, no, Finn. I live with some of my friends.”
“Why?” he asked, shocking me yet again.
“Excuse me?” I replied, still feeling completely dumbfounded.
“If you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, why don’t you want to live in the same house?” he asked. “Isn’t that what grown ups do when they love each other and stuff?”
His innocent question made my heart thunder in my chest. Was this little boy seriously giving us…his blessing?
Refusing to speak again, I stared at Edward, waiting for him to say something and settle this matter.
“Why don’t we all sit down together?” Edward suggested. He headed for the sofa, Finn taking a seat between Edward and me. “Do you really understand what that would mean, Finn?”
“Sure,” he shrugged. “It would be like when you and me and mom all lived together, except Bella’s not my mom.”
“And you would be okay with that?”
“As long as she’s not mean or something. Oh, and I want a big bedroom with a TV. So, are you mean?” he asked me.
It had been a while since I’d worked with children and I had almost forgotten how simplistic their worldview could be. Finn didn’t care about the complications of the situation; he just wanted to be a kid, have fun, and be happy. His scattered thoughts reminded me of those facts and filled me with joy.
I laughed and smiled at him. “No, I don’t think so, but sometimes your dad is and he needs to be tickled!” With that, I reached across and began squeezing Edward’s sides. Finn joined in, and before long, we had him pinned to the couch, squirming away from our tickle-fingers.
We settled down eventually, and after Edward took Finn into his bedroom for a private conversation with his son, the boy took off down the street to return to his mom’s house.
He came to me immediately, pulling me to stand up and wrapping his arms around my waist. As he tipped his head down to nuzzle into the crook of my neck, his hands roamed my lower back and drifted to my ass. With two handfuls, he gave me a playful squeeze and moaned appreciatively. I giggled at his games, pulling my head back to look at his face.
“Did that really just happen?” I asked.
“It did,” he assured me with a confident, cool smile. “We talked about things. I wanted to make sure he really knew what he was saying, and I’m certain that he can handle this. He completely understands what our relationship means, and he’s comfortable with it.”
“Huh, well, sorry for making such a big deal out of not being able to live with you right away. My bad,” I joked, but I still felt nervous. Things had never been so easy or simple for either of us. Was there some catch we weren’t seeing?
Sensing my uneasiness, he took me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. “No, you were right to be hesitant about it, but it looks like everything is going to work out well now.”
He was quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful and serious as he pulled my hair out of its ponytail.
“I’ll have to tell Carissa about us now,” he said seriously.
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry about it, though.”
I shifted nervously, pulling away from him so that I could gauge his body language a little better. “Are you sure she won’t, I don’t know…figure out who I am or something?”
“Bella,” he said calmly. “It will be fine. She never knew your name or anything about you. It’s been two years that we’ve been separated, so she really has no say in who I date or what I do, as long as Finn is taken care of properly.” He took a deep breath and absently drew circles on my hipbone with his thumb. “I’m sure this situation is a little daunting considering the history and the fact that she and I have a child together, but you have to trust me.”
“I do,” I mumbled, but he wasn’t finished.
“I will always care for her in some way, but she will not dictate our future, okay? I want you,” he said passionately, his eyes burning for me to understand. “Nothing is going to stand in my way.”
I smiled at him, accepting his reassurance before I leaned my cheek against his chest. He was warm and comfortable, and most importantly, he was mine. I hummed in quiet appreciation of that fact, imagining a few of the many possibilities for our future together.
As I considered those things, an idea popped into my mind that I needed to share with Edward.
“Oh my gosh! I know what we can do.”
“What are you talking about, love? I can think of a dozen things I’d like to do with you right now,” he quipped suggestively.
I smacked his chest lightly and scowled. “I’m being serious.”
“Do tell then.”
“We can buy a place. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.” He opened his mouth to protest, but I silenced him by pressing my finger over his lips. “With the housing market the way it is right now, Emmett bought some investment properties relatively cheap. He’s renting them out right now, but he told me a long time ago that, if I wanted to, I could buy one when the time was right.”
“You want to buy something from Emmett?” he asked, sounding a bit skeptical.
I frowned at his objection. “What’s wrong with that? I’ve seen them before. They’re really quite nice and would only need a little bit of work.”
“It’s not that,” he said carefully, and I wondered what was going on in his mind. “What I meant is, you want to buy something with me?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “I still think you guys should move and take the time to get settled in before I officially move in, but we can work out those details later.”
He studied my face before replying slowly. “You’re sure about this?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, confused and beginning to feel frustrated.
He smiled suddenly, giving me a quick, hard kiss before pulling away abruptly.
“What?” I hissed, unable to fully interpret his actions.
“Bella,” he deadpanned. “This is huge. I think it’s an amazing idea, and I can’t even tell you how ecstatic I am that you’re willing to take this big of a step with me.”
“You are such a man sometimes, you know that? You’re relocating for me. Do you really think I’d be anything but serious about our future? And anyway, if I go in on the loan with you, there shouldn’t be any issue with you being approved, even if this house doesn’t sell before then. Right?”
“Yeah, I think you’re right about that. We’d have to check with the bank, of course, but it sounds plausible. I’d want to know more about the neighborhood and school district first, but if you say it’s a worthwhile venture, I trust you.”
“Both places are actually just a couple blocks from where I live now. You already know what that area is like, and we have the information on the schools. I can pull it out when I get back home and email it to you.”
Then, as if a switch had been flipped, Edward was suddenly staring at me with the most gorgeous, sensual look in his eyes. I felt hypnotized by his intense gaze, locked with mine and forcing me to look deeper, see something greater. Instinctively, I took half a step back; if he were an animal, I would have thought he was going to eat me. That very well may have been his intention in that moment.
“Bella…”
“Y-yes?”
“You are so fucking amazing, you know that?”
“Umm, no?” I gulped.
He chuckled at me and tightened his grip on my waist. His other hand traced over my face, tucking a chunk of hair behind my ear as he gazed down at me.
“God, I feel like it’s taken us forever to get here, but now that it’s really happening, it seems like it’s all moving so fast.”
“I know,” I agreed.
“I can’t wait until I can have you every single day, fall asleep with you every night, and wake up to your beautiful face every morning.”
With those sweet sentiments, his lips slowly trailed from my temple to my lips. My fingers curled into his hair, tugging lightly in response to the wonderful things his kisses alone made me feel. Before I realized what was really happening, I was being pushed to walk backwards. I opened my eyes and recognized that we had moved into Edward’s bedroom, but I made no objections as he lowered me onto his bed. I slid back, struggling to keep my mouth on his as we lay down together. When he rolled us to our sides and scooted away slightly, I pouted.
“I just need to know if this is okay,” he asked, with each word spoken as though it was carefully thought out first.
“Yes,” I answered simply. “Everything I have, everything I am is yours.”
Just like that, we both understood what was going to happen. After all this time being separated and not truly being with anyone, this was real. I wanted him so fucking much, but I would not rush. I needed him to take charge right now and allow me to submit myself to my undeniable need for him. I needed him to show his love to me this way.
With that permission, he began the process of slowly, worshipfully removing each article of clothing on both our bodies.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, peeling off my shirt and dragging his hands down my torso.
I shivered at his touch and realized that it wasn’t just a single involuntary reaction. My entire body began to tremble in anticipation of what we were going to do. Even in our most desperate, lusty encounters, I was not sure it had ever felt this way. Maybe it had and time had just dulled those memories. It didn’t matter, though. We were coming together with a new hope for what our life could be like.
For a moment, I forgot all my fears. I released the nagging doubts that were embedded in my gut because of the way our relationship began. Over three years had passed since we met, and in that time, we had both been through so much. We were different now; we were better than who we had been when we first met.
Edward was not the man lost in a marriage with someone he was loyal to as a trusted friend, but not in love with any longer. I had evolved from the damaged, foolish young woman who used sex for control and confidence. In my time away from Edward, and all other men for that matter, I had learned how to be strong without physical and sexual approval of others. We still had our vices. Neither of us was perfect or “fixed,” whatever that meant. There were valleys and mountains to trek, but this time, we would face them together. That was what made being close to Edward this way so incredible.
He alternated between the two of us, removing a piece of clothing from me, then mirroring it with his own. Shirts, pants, and undergarments were all shed carefully, slowly. Every movement and moment had intention and meaning. We didn’t have to hide. We didn’t have to rush. We didn’t have to return to different lives with different people. When this ended, we could stay together and do whatever we pleased. I would leave to return to California eventually, but I knew he would soon follow. Then, there would be nothing foreseeable that would separate us.
His fingertips curled around the edges of my lace panties, tugging them down a little bit at a time. Once I lifted my bottom from the bed slightly, his task became much easier. His fingers skimmed down the outside of my legs, but even without touching me in more intimate places, my skin was on fire. I could feel the blazing trail his hands left in their wake as they moved lower and lower. Down my thighs, over the joint of my knees, across the defined muscles of my calves, and finally to my feet where the blue lace was released. Each touch was reverent and cherished. He stayed there a few moments, looking over my naked body displayed for him in the middle of his bed. I smiled, understanding his need to drink in every single inch of flesh.
“All yours,” I assured him, reaching out to stroke his cheek. “And mine,” I added, grazing my fingers down over his shoulder.
“Yes,” he agreed, licking his lips and nodding. Now that he had me naked, he looked as though he wasn’t sure where to start.
My eyes roamed his body in return, coming to rest on the boxer shorts that shielded him from my view and my touch. When he noticed the path my gaze had taken, he slid off the end of the bed, taking his time as he pushed the black material off his hips. It fell to the floor inaudibly, and I smiled at my own visual feast. He was beautiful, somehow more beautiful than I remembered. We had seen one another in the shower not that long ago, but my mind was so set on resisting him at that point that I had not been able to fully appreciate the sight. Each inked mark on his body reminded me of the corresponding stories he had told me over the last three years. I smiled at the sight of the one he got with me at Christmastime.
“Tell me what you want,” he spoke softly, still standing at the end of the bed. We were both comfortable in our own skin, but this situation felt like more. We weren’t just preparing for sex, we were sharing and giving ourselves over to one another.
“Anything,” I answered honestly. “I want you to touch me any way you want. I want it to be exactly what you want because that will tell me what you’re thinking and feeling.”
He groaned at my response, coming to the end of the bed and kneeling at my feet. I thought he was going to lie beside me, but he surprised me by rubbing his hands up and down the lower half of my legs. “Roll over, baby.”
I did as he asked, completely trusting him and also dying to know what he had in mind. Once on my stomach, I rested my head on my forearms, angling my neck to glance back at him.
“Close your eyes, love. Feel me.”
Even though I wanted to see him, I did it. His hands on my body relaxed me, even if he was only touching my legs.
Moving carefully, his hands traveled higher, but did not move inward with any salacious intent. I was surprised when I felt his lips press against the back of my calve. His mouth and hands both moved up at an excruciating pace, massaging and grazing with palpable love.
My breathing increased as he drew closer to my center, but I innately understood that he had no intention of stopping there just yet. When he came to my bottom, he gripped my cheeks in both hands, squeezing and kneading the firm flesh for a few moments. As his palms slipped to my hips, he placed one tender kiss on each side before moving his lips to the small of my back.
I could no longer control how I responded to his touch. I wiggled and breathed quiet little moans as he continued whatever journey he was on at the moment. While his hands rubbed up and down along the length of my torso, he planted kisses all over my back. Some were soft little pecks that filled the room with their sweet smackering sound. Others opened to allow his tongue to drag over the expanse. Those ones held their own distinct sound, wet and sucking.
“Oh god, Edward,” I whimpered, pressing my forehead into the mattress to alleviate some of the wonderful tension. “So…amazing…”
“I love you so much, my Bella,” he responded slowly, moving up my body further. His legs were straddled on either side of me, but he did not rest the weight of his body against mine.
I felt his hands move to my hair, fluffing the long strands over my shoulders. He carefully brushed in to the left, and I turned my face to the right, placing my cheek against my folded arms. His fingertips ran over the lines of my tattoo on my shoulder blade. It was long since healed, but he lingered along each shape and curve as if the raised marks were still there. After several minutes of reverent attention to the art he had designed, his lips took the place of his fingers. I could literally feel his love through the action, and it made me smile.
Moving higher to the top of my shoulder, he nuzzled down and pressed his lips to mine. I lifted myself onto my elbows, raising myself and turning my head back further to meet him in the sweet kiss. It only lasted a minute at the strange angle, as he was still hovering over me. My repositioning allowed me to feel more of him against my back, and I relished the contact.
His mouth released mine, moving over my cheek until he was at my ear. He lapped at the lobe, tracing the tip of his tongue over the edge before sucking on the sensitive spot between my ear and jaw. I moaned in appreciation, which encouraged him to rest his hands on my shoulders. I kept the pressure on my elbows as he descended upon my neck, lavishing the thin, sensitive skin with kisses of varying intensities. I knew some of his harder, more passionate kisses would leave love bites, but I could not find it in myself to care. When he smoothed my hair from one shoulder to the other, I tilted my head to accept him on my left, where he continued his intoxicating attention.
I wanted to go faster, but at the same time, I never wanted it to end. He could do this to me all day long and it would never be enough. He was my everything, and as long as I had his hands or mouth on me, I would be okay.
In the quiet stillness of the room, our tender noises were the only disruption of the calm. We hummed and moaned to one another, exchanging a few words of adoration and love in the midst of the sounds of passion, but it was difficult to speak of anything when he was doing such glorious things to my body.
The intensity was incredible, and I hardly noticed one of his hands descending my body until it moved between us and then between my thighs. He nudged them apart softly, and I did not hesitate to open myself to his desire. His touch was just as gentle and worshipful as all the others had been, though I never would have expected anything else. I cried out when he reached my moist, heated flesh, and called even louder when one of his fingers slipped inside me. I never knew that one single, thin digit could do such mind-blowing things to my entire body.
My appreciative cries were a chorus of thanks for the sensations he created. I wanted all of him, to be consumed by him, but I also wanted to treasure this.
When he moved his other hand down, pressing against my inner thigh to move my legs apart a little more, I allowed him what he had requested. I told him that I wanted whatever he chose to do, and I meant it. This was how he needed to feel my body, and that reality fueled my desire. I wanted him in every way humanly possible, and perhaps a few that were not. I tried to look over my shoulder as he held himself in his hand and pressed into me, but the angle was not right. Instead, I did as he requested and felt him. I focused on every millimeter of movement, soaking up the intensity of being with him this way until he was fully seated inside me.
He whispered words of love once more, propped on his elbows at either side of my shoulders as I held myself on my elbows as well. His erection immediately hit the most sensitive places within me thanks to this position, and I did not hold back my response. I would have bitten my tongue off if I attempted to quell those reactions.
My legs were spread wide, knees bent to steady myself against the mattress as he pressed into me over and over again. I never wanted him to stop. The position forced my pelvis into the bed, subsequently rubbing my clit against the blankets. It was a strange and foreign sensation, but it was so good because it was still Edward doing it to me.
He tried to speak to me more, but neither of us was capable of producing anything that resembled a comprehendible phrase. It didn’t matter. We could both feel, not only what our coupling did to our sensitive places, but also what this meant in our hearts.
This was Edward, my Edward, claiming me and loving me after over two years without him this way. All our time apart finally made sense. I understood why I could not be intimate with anyone else. My mind’s eye was opened to the reality of my disinterest in any other man. No matter how many times I would have tried, no one could have filled the hole in my heart because they were not this man. He was the one who was meant to fill me in every sense of the word. Each moment of sexual frustration and agony was now worthwhile. I would not have wanted to give this gift to anyone else. It belonged to Edward, just as he belonged to me.
He stunned me when he pulled away, removing himself from my center without warning. I whimpered for him, but he alleviated my torment immediately.
“Come here,” he whispered, tugging on my shoulder to turn and sit up as he moved around on the bed.
He sat cross-legged at the head of the bed, a stack of pillows behind him. I went to him again, positioning myself in his lap, as he requested. Once I was situated and he was sheathed within me again, I moved my legs one at a time, wrapping them around the sides of his body.
We were finally face to face, staring into one another’s eyes as he lifted his hips and I rose and fell on his length. He was so deep and perfect this way, and I never wanted it to end. Finally, our mouths melded together, joining in a series of needful kisses, some slow, some fast, all full of hot breaths and hungry lips. His hands alternated between my breasts and my waist, taking in as much of me as possible. This position was faster than the last. The intention was clear. That had been a build, the precursor to the ultimate chain of events.
When holding onto one another was no longer enough, I reached behind him, winding my hands around the twisted wrought iron bars of the bed frame. I held them tightly, certain that my knuckles were pale white and devoid of circulation, as his fingers dug into my ass. There would probably be bruises there, and perhaps a few punctures from his nails, but none of that mattered. He couldn’t touch me hard enough, no matter how much he tried. It would never be enough until we could somehow bond ourselves into one single entity. This was the closest we would ever get, but for now, it was enough.
My legs cinched around his narrow, muscled waist as the inferno blazed. My arms stiffened at his sides, elbows locked, and hands holding the black metal bars impossibly harder. I threw my head back as the pyre consumed me, but I still felt his mouth attach to my exposed skin, sucking, biting, and loving as he followed me into the sweet ecstasy. My hips shifted roughly, pressing forcefully and hard against his, nearly impaling me with his length.
When I came down from the high, I caught the tail end of his release. The expression on his face was gorgeous and euphoric, and I couldn’t help but kiss him and smile. I returned my hands to his shoulders as the blood came rushing back to my limbs. He rocked slowly, allowing himself to come out of the haze gradually. My fingers trailed over his collarbone, up his neck, and finally rested on his cheeks. I cupped his face in my hands, locking us in a serious gaze.
“I love you,” I said, pouring my entire soul into those three words. Resting my forehead against his in our old way, I repeated the sentiment over and over again. “I love you, I love you, I love you, Edward Cullen.”
“And I love you, Isabella.”
Steeling myself with a hard breath, I closed my eyes in a long blink before returning them to him. “You are, without a doubt, completely…”
“Worth the wait,” he said sweetly, finishing my thought with a crooked half smile on his lips.
Our minds were in the exact same place. He was worth the wait. He thought that I was worth the wait. We loved one another, and we were ready for our life together to begin.
It was enough. It was all we needed.
You wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me
Ever so patiently
Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and
It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me
Theory of a Deadman
No comments:
Post a Comment