Not Meant To Be - Chapter 12

 

Chapter 12

Song:  Wonderwall by Oasis

If there was one thing I loved, it was kissing Edward Cullen.  I could kiss him for hours.

Seriously.

Sex was like a bonus.  The kissing. There were no words.  Okay, I should give him more credit than that.  The sex was incredible.

It wasn't that every time was a mind blowing experience or even the greatest orgasms I'd ever had. All that stuff was, well, incredible, for lack of a better term, but it was the way I felt connected to him when we were together that really did it for me.

I'll admit it – even if I never came, I would have been happy just to be with him and see his face when he did. But that was a non-issue. I always came. Always.

Always.

Oh, but the kissing.

I just couldn't get enough.

He tasted so good. He felt so good. He did this twirly, flick, rub, moan thing with his tongue that made me melt every time. He knew. I'm sure he knew.

He would always have to pull away from me first because I could go on forever. Whenever he did and I finally opened my eyes, he would be gazing back at me with the sweetest look in those big greens and smile my favorite crooked smile.

Clean up on Aisle Five, something just melted all over the floor. Oh, it's me.

“What?” he asked with a soft laugh.

“You know what,” I whispered, leaning in for another kiss.

He turned his face away and pointed his chin up, causing my lips to land on his neck.

“Let's go downstairs and play pool. Come on.” He was trying to drag me off the couch, but I had no interest.

I tried to pull him back down. He landed roughly on top of me and his knee pushed into my gut. I winced, but took advantage of his distraction to wrap myself around him.

It was the second week of January and I hadn't seen Edward since before Christmas. He called me earlier that night and asked if I wanted to go over to Mike's with him. I quickly canceled my plans with an ever understanding Rosalie and met him at the mall.

For some reason I could not fathom, the stripper chick was still hanging around with Mike and was at his house tonight. A few other people had been there, but by the time we arrived, it was just Mike and the pole dancer. I soon learned that her name was Victoria, as if I cared, and that she danced at a club I had heard Garrett and Ben mention before. She was all legs and pale skin with a hint of freckles. I'll admit that she was attractive, but this girl was beat. Sunken eyes with big black circles underneath made her look like she could use a good three day slumber. Her long red hair was quite pretty, though, and I could imagine the attention it kept on her at work. Shudder. The first moment I had Edward alone after meeting her, he confirmed my suspicions.

“Cokehead?” I asked.

“Yep. Mike buys her an eight ball every time she comes over,” he informed me.

“That's fucked up.” I thought I was going to be sick.

“Tell me about it,” he agreed.

I had been trying to stay away from Victoria...and Mike, for that matter, all night. I can handle drunks, I can tolerate people who toke from time to time, but people with real drug habits, no. I couldn't stand it. If you need to live your life in a constant state of drug induced bliss, there's just something wrong with you to begin with. If I didn't know it before, all that time with James only confirmed those feelings.

Mike and Victoria were in the game room. They had been down there for a while now, and keeping Edward on the couch making out was serving a dual purpose at the moment.

Mike continued to creep me out with his leering stares. It had taken me some time to finally confirm what it was about him that bothered me so much, but I figured it out about a month ago. Every time we came over, Mike was sizing me up as if he was waiting for me to give him his turn or something. The thought alone made me want to sew up my own hoo-hoo and never have sex again, but I figured avoidance was a better tactic.

Eventually, Edward won the argument, and I was dragged unwillingly down the stairs. We played a couple games of air hockey, and then he played a game of pool against Victoria. Edward won that game, and I took over against him.

It was blatantly obvious that Victoria was trying to flirt with Edward, and it got even worse when Mike went upstairs to do one of his weird Mike disappearing acts.

At first it was subtle. A little suggestive comment here and there, a lingering look at him. Then she would find an excuse to stand a little too close or bump into him. By the time I beat Edward and was up against her in a game of eight ball, I was seething.

“Give me a good luck kiss, baby,” I said to him as I kept my eyes on her. She glared back at me.

He met me with a quick peck that I turned into a forced open mouth kiss as I pressed his lips open with my own.

I could tell she knew what that meant. I was marking my territory.

Apparently, that was not going to stop her. Every shot she could take that required bending over in front of Edward she did, even if better shots were available on the table. Each time she did that, I countered her with an exaggerated show of affection toward Edward and another ball in a pocket.

I could not get to the eight ball fast enough, and once I did, I nearly jumped on the table to do a happy dance. Instead, I used my words.

“Looks like another win for me,” I said looking right at her. I then turned my attention to Edward and pulled him off his barstool by the hands. “How about you help me celebrate by fucking me on this pool table again.” I made sure to enunciate my last word.

Edward gave me an extremely confused look and turned with me to watch Victoria throw her cue on the floor and stomp up the stairs.

He turned on me. “What the hell was all that about?”

“You. Are. Mine.” I said through gritted teeth.

He immediately dropped my hands and took two steps back. His hands went to his hair and he looked down, shaking his head.

“Bella, stop. I'm not yours. You can't think like that,” he said. I could hear frustration and exhaustion in his voice like he was talking to a child.

Now it was my turn to fire back. “What? In this context, yes you are. When we are here and it just you and me, Edward, you are mine. That dumb skank has been eying you up like a steak all night long and I've tolerated it until now.”

“Bella…”

“No! Do you want to fuck her? If you do, by all means, go ahead. Just take me back to my car first so I don't have to witness it!”

He was back in my face instantly, hands locked around my wrists.

“Okay, I get it.  I don’t want to fuck her. You just freaked me out a little bit there.” I could tell he was trying to calm me down.

“Do you really?” I asked. “Do you really get it? Because I don't think you do.”

“Then tell me,” he said. His eyes were softer now, and I could see him searching my face for an answer.

I swallowed down the bile in my throat and took a few cleansing breaths. I couldn't bring my eyes back to his for a moment, but after a gentle squeeze of my hands I gave in and spoke.

“Do you see the way Mike looks at me when you bring me over here? It's like he's just waiting on his turn, Edward. All I am to him is some whore you bring around. As far as he's concerned, I'm no better than that prostitute of his.”

“Oh Bella,” he whispered, drawing my face up in his hands. “Look at me. Come on, look at me. You are not a whore to me. You know that. I could never think of you that way.”

I closed my eyes and leaned into him, receiving a kiss on my forehead.  “Then stop freaking out on me all the time.  I know where we stand.  I just want to enjoy myself when we’re together, not worry about what random comment might set you off.”

“I'm so sorry that you feel that way around Mike,” he said. “I never realized. You should have told me.”

“Umm, awkward,” I replied without humor.

“Okay, I get that. I'm so sorry.”

He pulled me closer for a tight, long hug, and I wrapped my arms around his waist to reciprocate. I kept my eyes closed and allowed his steady breaths to calm me. After a few minutes of him rubbing circles on my back and kissing my hair, I pulled away to look up at him.

“Can we please go? I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to be here anymore. I don't think I can take it tonight.”

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “Just let me make a phone call first.”

I gathered my things and followed him up to the kitchen. To my surprise, he went to Mike's phone instead of taking out his cell. I stood back and watched suspiciously as he dialed and held the receiver to his ear.

“Hey hun. Yeah, we're still working here at Mike's house. Listen, there's a bigger problem with one of his trucks than I thought, and this is going to take a while. Do you mind if I'm out a little later? Uh huh. Of course. Yeah, my phone is in the car charging, but I'll check it every once in a while if you need me. Okay, g'night.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, and he smiled in that delicious way that makes me melt.

“Caller ID. Calling from here confirms my location. I'm good to go for a while now,” he said proudly.  My stomach twisted at his deception, but I pushed the feeling away.  I was upset, and I just needed some easy time with him to calm myself and relax.

With that, we called out our goodbyes to Mike and Victoria, wherever they were in the house, and went out to the car.

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up to a bar with a fairly empty parking lot.

“Have you ever been here?” he asked.

“Nope. You?” I answered.

“Nope.”

“Perfect.”

Two beers later, we were in the middle of an in depth conversation about musicians who attempt to revive their careers through reality television.

“You've got to be kidding me. Rockstar: INXS was one of the most disgraceful things I've ever seen!” I said, giving him a playful shove in the arm.

“How do you figure? I thought it was a pretty creative idea as far as reality singing competitions go.”

“Creative, yes. Entertaining, sure. But for the love of Michael Hutchence, what a way to replace an epic lead singer and song writer! Blasphemy!” My hands hit the bar top with a louder thud than I intended, thus making me blush instantly.

He laughed at me for a minute then finally agreed. “Okay, I see your point.”

“Of course you do, I'm always right,” I smiled.

“You have to admit, J.D. Fortune wasn't terrible,” he offered.

I considered this for a moment. “No, not terrible, but still, it just never felt right to me. Then again, U2 made a lot of money writing songs about Hutchence's death.” I shrugged.

“Wait? Really? What songs?” He looked at me as if he didn't believe me.

“Are you serious? Do I really know something about music that you don't?” I was truly in shock over this. He admitted he that didn't know and asked me about the songs again. “Umm, I think the one is called Gone and of course Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of.”

“Seriously?” he said a little too loud as he straightened up. “I never knew that, I always...”

Edward continued to talk, but I had completely gone deaf to whatever he was saying. My eyes were glued on the bar's entrance until I felt him shaking my arm.

“Bella? Bella? Are you okay?”

“Take off your wedding ring.”

“What? No.” He was laughing, obviously not away that I was serious.

“Stop laughing and take it off.” My eyes still weren't on him. “Please, Edward.”

He must have finally heard the pleading in my voice because he grabbed my face in one hand and brought my attention back to him.

“What's going on?” I could see the concern in his eyes, but I was too panicked to hold his gaze. My eyes kept flickering between the door and him, and I finally reached for his hand and went for the ring finger myself.

“Just do this for me. Please. I've never asked you for anything. Just do this one thing for me.” I was pleading and praying he would just do it.

“Okay,” he agreed with a nervous nod. He slid the ring off and shoved it in his pocket. He looked back at me and then turned to follow my gaze. “You know that guy?”

I nodded and kept my attention on him. I gulped and closed my eyes.

I could tell he was confused and trying to find an answer in my face somewhere, but I knew it was only filled with nervous fear.

“Who is he?” he whispered, leaning in and pressing his mouth to my ear.

I gulped again. Hard. “James,” I breathed.

“Your ex?”

I nodded and opened my eyes slowly.

He was here.

In this random bar I'd never been to before.

He was here.

I had not seen him in months. Not since before I broke up with him over the phone. I had packed all his things and had one of his friends pick them up, then I changed the locks to my apartment. There had been a series of phone calls from him after that – angry, sad, crying, accusing, begging, screaming – but I hadn't actually seen him since before he took off, thus leading me to end things for good.

He looked the same, but worse.

He was too skinny for his tall frame. He'd always been slim, but this just looked...bad.

His hair was unevenly buzzed off because he hated bothering with haircuts.

His eyes looked just the way I remembered them at the end of our relationship. Dead.

They were the palest blue I had ever seen, and all the life they once held was now glossed over with whatever the poison of choice was today.

I wasn't sure if he had seen me yet, but I knew he would.

I didn't want him to come over to me. I didn't want him anywhere near me. I didn't want to talk to him or even acknowledge him.

James had a short fuse, and picking a fight in a bar was not beyond him. Especially with a stranger.

“Bella, look at me.” Edward's velvety voice snapped me back to reality. I looked into his clover eyes and felt the tiniest bit of calm. “Don't look at him, all right?”

I nodded.

“That's right. I'll keep an eye on him. You just keep your eyes on me, you got that?”

“Uh huh,” I muttered.

“Smile for me, love.”

I tried.

I failed.

“Okay, new technique.” He placed one hand on my knee and slid it up my thigh.

My lips curled the slightest bit, and I leaned my face into the hand that still cupped my cheek.

“Is he looking at me?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Where is he?”

“Across the bar from us. Don't look.” He held his hand steady on my face.

“Does he look...angry?”

“He looks wasted. I doubt he'll even get served. Don't worry about him, just focus on me, okay? Me.”

I nodded again.

“All right, Bella. I need you to really look at me and smile this time.” He stroked his thumb across my cheek and I tried again.

Fail.

“Okay, new tactic,” he sighed. “Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?”

I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

“She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills,” he said.

I gave him a weak smile for effort.

“Okay, I guess jokes aren't going to work either.”

Then he started to sing. It was barely a whisper so that only I would hear it, but it was still that gorgeous sound that had caught my attention at karaoke night months ago. At first, I didn't notice what he was singing, but I forced myself to pay attention.

“Can I call you sweetheart or even baby doll?
If I had your number, you'd be getting a phone call
Can I leave you a message on your machine?
Letting you know that you're the bomb
And you blew up on me”

I felt myself start to smile. Really smile.

Then I broke out into a fit of giggles, causing him to smile as well.

“You know MxPx?” I whispered between laughs.

“Of course I do. Yuri and I are like this,” he said while thumping his first over his heart twice. This only incited more giggles from me.

His face became serious. “Bella, do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Good because I want you to hold very still.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

Very slowly, Edward drew both his hands up my sides and rested them on my jaw. He leaned in inch by inch as his smile grew, and mine grew with it until our lips touched. Our kiss was sweet and feather light as I scooted closer to him and took a fistful of his hair in my hand. As I purred against his mouth, he deepened it, allowing our tongues to slide against one another. I was so taken in by his scent and the way he felt against me that I didn't care about James or anyone else for that matter. There was only one thing on my mind.

Edward.

Suddenly, we were interrupted by a slamming sound that reverberated against the bar. Our eyes shot up to see that James had thrown his stool against the bar, causing it to ricochet and fall to the floor. He was storming toward the door with his coat in hand.

“Cunt!” he screamed without looking back.

Edward jerked away from me to get out of his seat and go after James, but I grabbed his arm.

“No,” I pleaded softly. “He's not worth it.”

He looked down at me with a fury I had never seen in his eyes, but I knew it wasn’t directed at me. He was ready to defend me. Defend my honor.

I stood with him and draped my arms over his shoulders.

“He's called me worse and I lived through it.”

Edward immediately stiffened and tried to pull away.

“No,” I said more firmly this time. “I told you he's not worth it. You did exactly what I needed right now. He's gone.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

I pushed him back into his seat as he took deep breaths to calm himself. He pinched the bridge of his nose while I ran my fingers up his neck and into his hair.

After several moments, he leaned back into me and put his arms around my waist. He nuzzled against my neck and gave it a soft kiss.

“Are you really okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” I assured him. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. And thank you. Really. Can we go home now?”

He agreed to that, so we paid our tab and cautiously headed out to the parking lot. I was grateful that we had not driven my car here. I didn't trust that James would have left it alone had he seen it.

“How much longer do you have?” I asked as we approached the mall.

“It's still pretty early. A while, I guess. Why? I thought you wanted to go home.” he said.

“I do,” I said slowly. “Come home with me.”

“Bella, I -”

“You just said you have time, Edward. Please.  I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Okay.”

He followed me back to my apartment and came inside.

We didn't fuck that night.

We had sex, but we didn't fuck.

There was nothing rushed or selfish about what we did.

It was patient and sensual and lovely. Our eyes were open and on one another while our hands and mouths explored each other’s body. We came at the same moment, and afterward lay together, letting our fingertips trace the lines and curves of our moist skin.

“I wish I could stay here with you all night, Bella. I wish I could just be here and hold you until morning.”

“Me too,” I sighed sadly. I rolled over and gathered his clothes to hand to him. “Good night, Edward.”

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Oasis

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