Jasper POV
“Come here,” I said, beckoning her with my finger. My back pressed against the door as I waited, quite impatiently, to let her into my apartment.
“Open the door,” she replied, still standing on the opposite side of the hall.
“Bella,” I growled in objection. She was too far away. Reaching behind me, I wiggled my key into the lock, stretching my free hand to pull her toward me. As the doorknob turned, she finally relented, allowing me to draw her body against me. Her lips instantly found mine, working my mouth open so that our tongues could dance together. The faint hint of tiramisu still lingered on her breath, sweetening her already delicious flavor.
With the door cracked open, I wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground and backing into the apartment. She slipped out of my arms too soon, her shoes hitting the hardwood floor with a loud click.
“This is…” she began, turning in my arms to look around. Unable to resist the pull to her, my lips attached to her neck. “Hey, you’re distracting me,” she chided playfully.
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not,” I offered between wet kisses. Resisting my actions more than I appreciated, she took a few more steps inside. “You were saying?” I finally asked feeling defeated.
“Dull.”
“What?”
“It’s so dull in here,” she repeated. “For a talented artist, you live in a very boring apartment.”
“I really don’t spend a lot of time here,” I answered with a shrug. My arms loosened, allowing me to swivel around until I faced her again. “Most of my time is spent working on the mural or in the spare room that I use for painting.”
“It just surprises me. White walls, black leather furniture. Black, black, white, more black. Is there any color in this place?”
“Mmmhmm,” I hummed, averting my eyes. She had teased me all through lunch, sliding her hand up my thigh and then retracting it repeatedly. It was my turn to play.
“Oh really? Where?”
“Take a look around.”
I released her, missing the warmth of her petite form immediately. Oddly, I no longer felt whole without her body against mine. It seemed like much longer than a day since we had first…connected.
Memories of the previous day flooded my mind.
Alice and I had visited several times while Bella was away on her freelance job, but it had been almost a week since I had last seen her. She called me that morning asking if I wanted to meet for lunch, and I agreed. Bella had returned home only a few days prior and according to Alice, had been holed up in her studio since. Apparently, this wasn’t uncommon for Bella. Once she got going on a project, she could spend hours in the darkroom. Alice suggested we meet at Bella’s studio and drag her out for an hour.
The thought of seeing Bella had my stomach tied in knots. Things had come to a head the night of my first date with Tanya, and I couldn’t say I was surprised when I heard about Bella’s trip. I had come so close to forcing myself upon her that night, arguing in the dark hall of the club. There was something between us that could not be denied, but she would not acknowledge it. Our flirtations were subtle, though incredibly powerful. I wanted her so fucking bad, and I could not have her. She was with Alice. They were happy together…supposedly. Yet I knew she was attracted to me, even without taking the night at the museum into account.
It was so damn complicated, and it made me want to scream in frustration. Alice and I had known one another since we were kids, which made things even more fucked up and terrible. Lesbian, bi, or straight, I didn’t need to be getting in the middle of someone else’s relationship, but every time I saw Bella, it got worse. The closer we became as friends, the more difficult it was for me. She was perfect in every way. Witty, beautiful, introspective, and she just got me. We shared that unnamable thing that makes someone an artist. There weren’t words or some simple definition; it was a feeling, a part of your entire being. She had it, and it radiated throughout everything she did and said. Why the hell did she have to be in a committed relationship with one of my friends?
Dating Tanya was a last ditch attempt to get Bella out of my head. If there was any chance that something could happen between us, wouldn’t it have happened already? We had spent so much time getting to know one another, but she didn’t seem to be budging from her relationship. Was it because I’m a man and she preferred women, even if she was attracted to me? I couldn’t figure her out to save my life or sanity. For whatever cruel reason, Bella completely ambushed that date. I wasn’t sure if Alice or Tanya could sense the animosity between us, but Bella was driving me crazy that night. First, she comes dressed in the sexiest red skirt I have ever seen, and then she pulls that jealous shit all night long. I was trying to move on and allow her to have her life with Alice. Lashing out at her in the hall was an uncontrollable reaction. My passion for her was so displaced that night. I was trying to give this date with Tanya a chance since I could not have Bella. Did she really think I would keep waiting? If she had given me any indication that we had a future together, I would have done it, but I was tired of standing in the wings like an understudy.
Then Bella left town suddenly, and Alice encouraged me to take Tanya out again. So I did. There was nothing wrong with her, and under any other circumstances, I would have been all over her. But she wasn’t Bella.
We went out two more times while Bella was away, but…nothing. I accepted her offer when she invited me into her house. I laid her down on the sofa and kissed her while soft music played in the dimly lit room. I fucking tried. It was pathetic. When Tanya tugged at the hem of my shirt, I froze. As a man, I should have been able to enjoy the sex and get out of there, but I couldn’t even make it past first base before calling things off for good.
I was a piece of work.
“Jasper? What are you thinking about?”
“What’s that?” Bella's soft, melodic voice pulled me from my bitter memories.
“You just looked so lost there for a minute. Is everything all right?” she asked, concern creating creases across her forehead.
“Everything’s perfect now,” I said honestly. My smile seemed to satisfy her because she stretched up to me, seeking another kiss. It had been at least three or four minutes since our last one, which was utterly too long, in my opinion.
Breaking our kiss, we continued touring my home. It wasn’t a large space; I had no need for extravagance or frivolities. A small kitchen and living room plus two bedrooms were enough for me. I had converted the larger master bedroom into my mini studio space, and I used the smaller bedroom for myself. This was actually the first time anyone had been here since I moved in five months ago.
“Black, white, black, white. Where is the color? I would think that an artist would live somewhere vibrant and lush. You don’t even have anything on the walls, Jasper!”
“Funny sentiment from someone who spends hours creating black and white photographs,” I teased.
She turned on me, wearing an expression that was half-amused and half-serious. “There is so much life in those shades of gray! By removing color from a photograph, you notice things that color would otherwise distract you from. Contrast, shadows, subtleties…” she trailed off, passion and wistfulness lingering in her tone.
“I’m teasing,” I said, soft but firm, cupping her face in my hands.
The corners of her mouth lifted, making me grin in return. There’s my girl.
“There’s a big difference between black and white photography and lacking any color in your interior decorating. Now show me this elusive color you claim is hiding here somewhere.”
I laughed inwardly as my hands dropped to guide her to my bedroom. This wasn’t exactly how I planned things, but she was certainly making it easier. “Right this way.”
Standing behind her at my door, I reached around for the doorknob, turning and pushing until the small room was in full view. My smile grew when she inhaled a sharp breath at the sight.
The bedroom was also simple, but it did include more than the black and white of the rest of my place. The walls were still white and the furniture was black, but across my king size bed laid a deep red comforter with two thick black lines running down the length of it. The vibrant crimson was a shocking contrast to the lack of color everywhere else. Over the bed was a single piece of art - an abstract human form, lying lengthwise on the large canvas and done only in red. I wasn’t gasping over the view as Bella did, but it was something I truly enjoyed about my minimal decorating.
“Wow,” she said in a breathy utterance. My arms wound around her shoulders, securing her body into my chest. “I get it now,” she added a few moments later.
Freeing herself from my hold, she walked around the side of the bed, gliding through the miniscule space between it and the dresser. Her back was turned, as if she was examining something I couldn’t see, and when she turned around, I noticed that her shirt was completely unbuttoned.
Not needing any other cues, I closed the gap between us and lifted her onto the raised surface of the bed. Her shirt fell from her shoulders with a simple nudge, and she was there before me in low-slung jeans and a lacy white bra.
“I want you so bad,” I mumbled against her lips as my body eclipsed hers, forcing her down on her back. “You are everything I think about.” My hands drifted over her smooth stomach, deftly flicking open the button her jeans. “I want to bury myself inside you and never come out.”
Her needful groan in response was enough to spur me onward. In one quick motion, I yanked her pants off forcefully, tossing them to some unknown location in the room. Hungry lips fought against mine, moving to other locations of exposed skin while she tore at my clothes. I forced them off as fast as I could manage, and when I balanced on one elbow to kick off my boxers, she shoved me away. Rolling me onto my back, I realized her intentions. She was straddling my legs, sucking and kissing her way down my chest.
“Do you think you’re the only one?” she said sitting up suddenly. Her barely covered ass scraped over my stiff cock, causing me to moan in a combination of needful pleasure and pain. She answered my call by sitting on my thighs and taking my length in her hand. Looking into my eyes, she spoke and stroked, spoke and stroked. “You believe that I could possibly get you out of my head? Do you have any idea how many hours I spent thinking of you while I was away? How hard it’s been for me to focus on anything since you left my studio yesterday?”
“Oh god…” I couldn’t control the sounds that fell from my lips or the bucking reactions of my hips. While small and delicate, her hands were strong and knew all the right ways to torture me. She pressed her palm into the head of my cock with the perfect amount of pressure, twisting slightly while her fingers wrapped around me and squeezed.
“I need you, Jasper. You’re the only thing that soothes this ache in my soul. I want you in my body…in my heart…in my mouth…” And suddenly, she was lower, her full lips already kissing my tip.
“Fuck, sugar…you don’t…have to…oh god…”
My term of endearment was purposely chosen. I had heard Bella and Alice refer to one another as baby numerous times, and I didn’t want anything I said or did to be a reminder of that relationship.
Her mouth was un-fucking-believable. For someone who hadn’t been with a man in years, she definitely did not lose her touch. Shit, if she kept going, I would explode at any moment.
“Bella…stop,” I said noncommittally. My fingers wove through her long hair, gently pushing her away from my body. She looked up at me, confusion lighting her deep brown eyes.
“What’s wrong? It’s been a while, but I thought…you seemed like you were enjoying it.”
“That’s not the problem at all, honey. Well, it sort of is,” I stuttered, trying to find my bearings with her lips still lingering over my dick.
Get back here! He seemed to call out, twitching in her direction.
Just fucking wait a minute! I chided myself.
Bella was staring up at me, hair a wild mess and body propped on her forearms. I almost lost my resolve at the delectable sight, but I needed to rid her of the misunderstanding on her face.
“That was fucking amazing, but I want you up here. I want…” to make love to you.
Those difficult words were unnecessary as she slid up my body, rolling to her side and settling in next to me. Our mouths reconnected, humming with appreciation while our hands smoothed over every surface they could. Her leg flung over my hip, drawing us closer and forcing my erection against the scrap of fabric covering her sex. We instinctively ground together, and the narrow lace shifted out of place. Half my head grazed bare, moist skin. The sensation was so strong that I had to fight myself not to push it aside the rest of the way and just take her.
Before I could consider plunging in again, she brought me back to reality. “Wait,” she panted, pressing against my shoulder with her hand and unhooking her leg from my hip.
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean…it’s just so…fuck.” I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence.
“Shh, it’s all right,” she soothed, carding her fingers through my hair affectionately. “I just want to be safe. It’s been years since I had a need for birth control.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, but she just kissed me lightly in acceptance.
“You’re not the only one. I’ll go see my doctor soon, and…you too?”
“Already taken care of.” She raised her eyebrows at me in question, but I shook my head. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now…”
I never finished that sentence. Instead, I tucked my fingertips into the fabric covering her ass and pulled. While I removed that obstruction, she flicked open the front clasp of her bra, exposing those creamy pillows to me. My mouth lowered to give each an appreciative kiss.
Nice to see you again, girls.
My body, and my dick especially, were begging me to get to it and fuck her, but I needed to take this slow. I channeled that portion of my brain that wanted more from Bella than this physical part of things, focusing on the emotional ties that made the connection of our bodies truly intimate. I thought of her photographs and the stories they told, her smile when we talked, the chime of her laughter, and the passion in every word she spoke. That was the Bella I adored. We had already given ourselves over to the relentless need yesterday in her darkroom. Right now, I would make love to her.
A stretch across the bed gave me access to the condoms in my bedside table. I had only moved them from the bathroom last night, though I never anticipated needing them here so soon. It had been her idea to go out for lunch together today. Coming back here was, well…an impromptu decision.
Delicately rolling her onto her back, I laid myself gently over her body. I could feel her nipples grazing my chest as we kissed once again, each connection making my mind hazy with desire. Carefully, I nudged her thighs apart, placing myself between the V of her legs. Heat radiated from her center, and I ran a tentative finger between her folds to make sure she was ready.
“Please,” she whispered, moving her lips across my jaw while her hands did intoxicating things in my hair.
“Please what?” I replied, obviously goading her.
“Don’t tease.”
I lowered myself, slipping into her an inch and then pulling away.
“Fuck! I said don’t tease!” Her hands moved to my ass with a loud smack, and I couldn’t keep from laughing at her insistence. “Please, Jasper…”
Smiling, I kissed her lips, repositioning myself and looking into her eyes. She seemed so small and fragile beneath me, the broad set of my shoulders covering her body like a blanket. Our difference in height forced an arch in my back, but I felt no discomfort. Nothing could spoil the sheer ecstasy of being with her this way.
“You are so incredibly gorgeous, Bella.” I pressed into her slightly. Her hips shifted to take me in. “I can’t go back to my life before you. I need you.” Deeper, more than halfway. I felt her ankles lock behind my back and I fought myself to say these things before letting go. “Tell me you need me too.” I was full seated within her body, once again reminding myself to not lose control.
“Yes…yes, I need you,” she cried out, heels digging into my ass. When she rocked into me, I began moving again. “Ooohh…”
It felt as though our bodies were in perfect synchronicity, even when we fought for dominance or control of our pace, it was still perfect. She was perfect. Sex had never felt like this before. Usually, it was just a form of pleasure and release. I had been with women I cared about and had even been in love before, but none of those experiences ever compared to this. What we shared was somehow stronger, even though we had only truly been together once before. Between the moans, the slapping of flesh, and the hungry nips was something greater that I just could not explain.
I held her tightly against me, even after we had finished. When she shivered from the cooling of our sweat-moistened bodies, I maneuvered the blankets from beneath us to warm her. We lay together for a long time, reveling in the joy of being together as we stroked hair, cheeks, and every other bit of accessible skin. Our legs tangled, rubbing playfully up and down one another. Bella was the first to speak.
“Not to jump the gun or anything, but god, there are so many things I can’t wait to do with you!”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” I asked playfully. The giddy post-sex high was still floating through my head.
“You know…positions.”
“Such as?” I wasn’t going to say it aloud, but I loved where this conversation was going.
In a surprisingly bashful move for someone who was naked and wrapped up in me, she ducked her eyes from my view. “Lots of them.”
“Tell me,” I pressed.
“Umm…ankles over your shoulders, reverse cowgirl, from behind, standing…It’s not as though I haven’t been sexually satisfied, I just remember how good those positions felt…”
Before she was even done speaking, I was hard again. Shifting slightly, I knew she could feel it.
“Care to get a head start on a couple of those?”
………………..
By the time we had completed round two, we were both exhausted and fell into an unintended slumber. I was roused by the sounds of Bella shuffling around my room in search of her haphazardly discarded clothes.
“Hey honey, what’s the matter?” I asked, smirking at the view of Bella in jeans and nothing else, her shirt draped over her arm.
“I can’t find my bra,” she huffed.
Sliding my hand under the pillows, I felt the satin and lace and pulled it out. “You mean this bra?” I asked, waving it around lightly.
“Thank you,” she said with a smile, reaching for it.
“Nuh uh,” I replied, shaking my head and holding it to my chest. “Come and get it.”
“Jasper,” she whined. “Just give it to me. I need to go.”
I did not reply. Instead, I narrowed my eyes and shook my head slower. She took the bait and was soon crawling across the bed toward me. As soon as she was within reach, my arms darted out and pulled her against me. The blanket obstructed our bodies from a true connection, but I kept her close.
“Let me go, cheater!” she shrieked as my fingertips dug into her sides. “No tickling!”
Fighting my way out from under the blankets, I kept my hold on her and flipped her over. I sank down against her, attaching my mouth and hands to her bare breasts. Her sounds of struggle faded, quickly being replaced with a different kind of sound.
“Ahh…That’s good…oh fuck. Jasper, I really…need to…go.”
“Never.”
After many more pleas, I eventually relented, sliding up to kiss her soundly.
“I really do need to go,” she said remorsefully.
“I wish you didn’t.”
“I know,” she sighed. “Let me up, I need to call a cab.”
“That’s ridiculous, Bella. I’ll drive you back to the studio.”
“You really don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do.”
We spent several more distracting moments getting dressed, but we eventually made it out of the apartment and down to my car. Once inside, I decided to get serious.
“Bella, I know we haven’t actually talked about this, but where are things going for us?”
“I told you that I want you, Jasper.”
“I know, but you’re still-“
“It’s only been a day,” she defended.
I nodded in understanding. Would it be wrong for me to admit that I would move her into my apartment tonight if that was what she wanted? I decided not to get too far ahead of myself. “You’re right,” I agreed.
“I’m going to end things with Alice. I have to,” she said, her voice wavering to the point I thought she might cry. “Please trust me that I do want this. I just need some time to work out all the details.”
“Bella, I know this isn’t going to be easy. You know I’ll be here however you need me, right?”
“Of course. It’s just…three years is a long time. It’s more than breaking up. There’s our apartment, all our stuff, our friends…”
By that time, we were in front of the building her studio was in, and it was time to say goodbye.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised, leaning over to kiss me one last time.
“I’ll miss you.”
With a small smile, she nodded and stepped out of my car.
………………..
All of my thoughts were of Bella that night.
First came the instinctual, overwhelming memories of our intimate times together. God, she was incredible. It wasn’t one single thing about her. The woman was an undeniable beauty and she knew her way around the bedroom, but it was more. She was both the engulfing fire and the air that fueled it. I was enraptured by the slightest touch and imprisoned in her gaze. While some caveman mentality wanted me to possess her and brand her as my own, a stronger part of me wanted to be hers. To be owned by the timid, tantalizing woman whose scent still lingered on my pillows.
Somehow, impossibly greater than that was the emotional draw I felt to her. It was what made us us, and it was the driving force in our absolute need to be together.
Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined it was possible to feel this way about another person. Passion was not an unfamiliar entity in my life, but it had never come in this form. There had been plenty of lust and the driving desire to give and take from a woman, yet all those past relationships paled in comparison. I didn’t want anyone or anything ever again. If I could eat, sleep, and breathe Bella, I would.
I was completely and utterly fucked. This woman now had the ability to snap me like a twig if she wanted. I prayed that all her words had been true and that she wanted – no, needed - to be with me. She had to feel the same. There was no way she could be with me and not share those feelings. There was no way she could compromise a three year relationship if there wasn’t the absolute fucking promise of a greater outcome.
Thinking of Alice brought a swell of guilt into my heart and mind.
Poor innocent Alice. This would crush her. There was not a simple or easy way for Bella to handle their breakup. Alice was an unassuming bystander in this messed up situation.
I never intended to do something like this to her, and I have felt bad for it all along – the last two days, in the past several months, and hell, that first night.
The opening of the local artists feature…Reconnecting with Alice had been a pleasant surprise. I had not seen her since high school, but she was very much the same girl she had been back then – an endless bounty of energy, a constant smile, and the poise of a ballerina. I could still remember that night she asked me to kiss her. Being a drunk and horny teenager, I willingly agreed to her request. Personally, I thought it was pretty damn good, but she disagreed.
“Alice, are you all right? Most girls like kissing with tongue.”
“No, it’s not that,” she replied, the strangest look of confusion scrunching her features. “You’re the only boy I’ve ever been attracted to.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I suppose it would be for you, but I felt absolutely nothing there. I guess that confirms things for me.”
“Confirms what?”
“That I’m a lesbian.”
I chuckled at the memory, welcoming the sound to the quiet of my apartment.
Alice was a good person, and she deserved to be happy. Our friendship and my platonic affection for her only made things more difficult. By the time I understood what Bella had meant about being unavailable, it was too late. The damage had already been done; my insatiable desire for Bella was already firmly in place.
I thought I could control things when Alice invited me to their apartment for dinner, but I was such a fool. Bella was too alluring, too intriguing. Her physical beauty drew me in, and her mysterious, dark eyes captivated me. My body screamed with need, if only just to touch or hold her and nothing more. I let her know, hoping she would reciprocate my feelings, but also willing her to have the self-control that I did not seem to possess.
From there, I could see Bella fighting our attraction just as much as I did, but all attempts were futile. We found a middle ground, becoming friends, but never overstepping that line. The more I learned about her, the more I wanted. Every meeting was a tightrope walk, struggling to find balance between forging a friendly bond and becoming suspicious in the eyes of Alice and their other acquaintances. She consumed me.
Now here we were. Stuck in limbo until Bella could find the best way to end her relationship with Alice so that we could be together at long last. I only hoped that I could maintain my patience. In reality, I knew it might take a little bit of time. This was no easy task for Bella, and no matter how guilty I felt, she must have been feeling a thousand times worse. Neither of us ever wished to inflict even an ounce of heartache upon Alice.
My phone rang, and I suddenly realized that it had grown dark outside. My heart pounded in my chest, wistfully hoping for one particular name on my caller ID. Sadly, it was not.
“Hey Peter, what’s up, man?” I asked my manager.
“Hey buddy, not a whole lot on my front, but I have some great news for you. The School of Art at Wainwright University had a speaker drop out of their symposium, and they would like you to fill the slot. What do you think?”
“Wainwright?” I asked anxiously. It was my alma mater, and the opportunity had me excited immediately. “That would be phenomenal! When is it?”
“That’s the only thing,” he said hesitantly. “It was a last minute cancellation, so you have to leave in two days. It's a five day program. All expenses paid, though, so that's a bonus.”
“I could swing that. What all is involved?”
“Well, you would have to do a couple lectures and there would be a panel you’d have to take part in. Other than that, it’s mostly meeting with professors, mentoring some students, and schmoozing with the department and university big-wigs.”
He went on to give me some more details about the trip and my responsibilities while there. Overall, this was a fantastic opportunity. Just being asked, even as a substitute for someone else, meant that my name was on the initial list of prospects. The thought of sharing my experiences and expertise with students and other artists was absolutely thrilling to me.
Peter and I talked for a while, discussing my travel arrangements and a few other business items we needed to take care of together. When the call ended, I found myself perched on my sofa, smiling like a fool.
All I wanted to do was call Bella and share my news with her.
But I couldn’t. I would have to wait until tomorrow to speak to her.
That killed me.
E/N: Wainwright is a fictional university I created for the purpose of this story. Any similarities to other collegiate institution is coincidental.
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