Outtake #8
EPOV
This was it, the day I was finally going to see Bella again.
Do these clothes look all right? Is my hair too crazy? Should I shave?
Fuck. Me. I sound like a damn woman.
My emotions owned me from the moment I woke up that morning. I was anxious, nervous, excited, horny, sullen, and scared. I told Bella this could just be a meeting of two friends, but I think we both knew that “just friends” didn’t seem possible for us. There was too much attraction, too much heat to not want her in that way. The thought that she might somehow feel different and turn me down if I made an advance was nearly heartbreaking.
Note to self: check for balls, you fucking female.
Truly, I had no idea what I was supposed to be thinking.
The thought of being alone with Bella thrilled me. It also scared me to high heaven. What if she had been playing cool with me on the phone and now had some kind of expectations? I mean, I’m the one who forced myself back into her life. Maybe she’ll take that as a cue to pursue more. She doesn’t know what’s been going on in my home since I met her. All she knows is how I’ve behaved and what I’ve said to her. Did she think I was going to leave Carissa now? Would she want me to do that?
Fuck.
I had to be on guard today. I wanted to spend this time with Bella. I needed to see her, but it was still frightening. If I couldn’t keep myself in check, things could get dangerous. How could I understand her expectations when I didn’t even understand my own?
I left the house in the afternoon under the guise of meeting a client in the city. Mike wasn’t the only person I worked with on a business level. The majority of people who brought their vehicles to my garage were just doing so with their personal transportation, but I also had a few racing teams whose cars I serviced. My excuse to get out of the house was a viable one as far as my wife was concerned.
The moment I saw Bella, I was a mess. I automatically hugged her just to feel her body pressed against me and it seemed to surprise her. She eventually relaxed into my arms, but there was a certain hesitation that lingered. We had been talking on the phone and getting closer for several weeks, but the conversation in the car was strained. I hated it, and when we addressed it, it felt awkward. I admitted that I wanted to know what was going on inside her head, but she hedged. Finally, I cut to the chase and told her that I just wanted to spend the time with her without having to think about anything else. Just the two of us. It was a simple request. She agreed, and the tension eased.
Things were easier as we dined together. Fondue restaurants require a certain level of comfort and humor since they have the potential for being rather messy. We managed to enjoy ourselves immensely. Our conversation was light, and seeing the twinkle of happiness in Bella’s deep brown eyes made my heart swell. The last time we’d been together, I had stolen that light from her, now I was putting it back. It felt good to make up for my past mistakes.
When the dessert course came, we ended up feeding each other between coy smiles and playful looks. A drop of chocolate dripped down her chin, and I wiped it away with my thumb. She took my finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it unnecessarily, and I was instantly hard. Her eyes were mischievous and the glow of the dark lights made her skin appear flawless and delicious. Thoughts of throwing her down on the table and claiming her flashed in my mind’s eye.
“You know,” she spoke slowly, “For two ‘friends,’ this feel an awful lot like a date.”
I knew in the rational part of my mind that she was just being playful, but the irrational part won out as the words tumbled from my mouth. “It’s not a date,” I hissed, pulling my hands away from her. I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but all the fear and stupidity was piled on top of my better senses. It was the same trigger as before…the assumption that she wanted something I couldn’t give her.
In true Bella form, she fired back at me immediately. A part of me was proud of her for calling me out on my bullshit.
“Oh don't you dare start this shit with me again, Edward,” she said fiercely.
I tugged at my hair nervously, trying to find the words to make this right. I wished I could take it all back and not upset her, but I could only move forward from here. “I just don't want you to get the wrong idea, okay?”
“Exactly what idea would that be?” she asked, glaring at me. I’m not too big of a man to admit I was a little frightened of her in that moment. “You call me non-stop until I agree to be your friend then take me to dinner and play erotic food games with me. Please enlighten me.”
“Bella.” I wanted to tell her she was right. I wanted to tell her that I was an idiot and a jerk, but the words wouldn’t come out. I was the worst kind of person, and for some reason, she was actually gracing me with her presence. What did I do? I fucked it up all over again. Once again, I acknowledge what a prick I am.
“Don't Bella me! You run so hot and cold with me I have absolutely no clue what this is or what you want from me. What do you want from me? Sex? Friendship? A kick in the ass?”
I was floored. She wanted answers. She wanted an explanation. She wanted to understand. Fuck! I wanted to understand, but there was nothing about the two of us that made sense! From the first moment I saw this woman I wanted her. There was some invisible force that drew us together. Once that bond was formed, I was a complete and utter mess. Life with Bella was chaos, but life without her was far worse. I had to fix this.
I let her last words sink in, and despite the angry expression on her face, I started laughing. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn’t. To my relief, she realized what she had said, and found the same humor in it. Her laughter intertwined with mine briefly, and a weight was lifted from our shoulders.
“You’re infuriating,” she said with a sigh.
“You’re beautiful,” I countered with a smile I couldn’t hide.
We stared at each other across the table, and I tried to communicate my unspoken apology with my eyes. I wanted desperately to reach across the table and take her hand, but I hesitated for too long and she pulled it into her lap.
“What is all this?” she asked a few minutes later. Her delicate little hand waved back and forth between us. I understood the underlying question she didn’t verbalize.
My resistance fell away, and my true thoughts came out against my own volition. “This,” I mimicked her gesture, “is…I don't know. You're beautiful, funny, and caring…unlike anyone I've ever met. You've got an amazing body that you flaunt, yet when your clothes are off it's like you're waiting for approval. You don't see yourself clearly, Bella. You don't see how addictive your personality is or the way you can draw the attention of everyone in the room. I know you know you're hot and that you can get people to look at you and want you, but I don't think you understand how you hold onto that attention. It's not just your tits and curves. It's something in your smile and your eyes, and you are irresistible.”
I groaned, realizing all that I had just said, but I didn’t want to stop. I raked my hands through my hair again, trying to will myself not to dig myself into a deeper hole, but also wanting to finish saying what I needed her to hear.
“I think about you constantly. I can't get you out of my head. When I'm away from you or not talking to you, you're always there. I want to hear about your day and talk about music because you always seem to pick out the lyrics that stab my heart. I want to see that smile you get when you blush, the one when you let your guard down. I want to see that intensity in your eyes when I make you feel so good that you scream my name. Damn, Bella, I just want any part of you I can get.”
She looked scared. Scared as shit. And me? I was surprisingly relieved. It felt like I had been holding that all inside of me for so long, and now that I got it out I could breathe again. But Bella had me worried. She still hadn’t responded.
“Bella? Are you in there?” I asked cautiously.
“Huh? Yeah,” she mumbled. It was so low that I could barely hear her, and she refused to look at me.
I shoved some money into the bill folder, and walked around to Bella’s chair. I tugged her up from her elbow and smiled at her. It felt like the first time I could really smile at her. She knew my thoughts now, even if she didn’t know what to do with them. What I knew was that I needed her. I wanted to show her the physical manifestation of the thoughts I had just shared.
We walked out to the car, and I was hard again…or still. My animal, baser instincts took over, and somehow I had crushed her body between a brick wall and mine. I held her face in my hands tightly, and kissed her hard. My tongue forced its way into her mouth and I took what I wanted. It was selfish, but I knew she craved this as much as I did. In each swipe of my tongue and lips against hers, I was giving myself over to her. My hands acted on their own accord, traveling downward and holding her in place. My mouth followed suit, finding her neck and devouring the sweet scent of Bella that I had been dreaming about for over a month.
Mine, the beast in me roared, but “I need to feel you, Bella,” is what I verbalized. If it wasn’t enough, I angled my body appropriately and forced my erection between her legs. Her body reacted accordingly, pressing back into me. A rush of excitement and desire swept over my entire body.
“Not here,” she responded, pushing me away forcefully, and ducking out of my hold. I was left leaning against the wall, gasping for breath and trying to plot my next move.
She retreated, moving toward the parking lot, and I wrapped myself around her from behind. My mouth attached itself to her neck and shoulder, devouring whatever flesh I could find. We were soon in the backseat of my car, but how we got there was a blur. I know I spoke, though the words were forgotten as soon as they were said. All I knew was that we were contained within the privacy of my car, and this beautiful goddess was in my lap.
I tore her clothes away, stroking her flat stomach and grasping at her firm breasts. I ran a hand over her hip and up her smooth back until I was able to discard the scraps of lace she called a bra. I had never been happier to have a vehicle with blacked out windows.
“Fuck Bella…so amazing,” I whispered, and we made quick work of the rest of our clothes. Well, as quickly as we could manage within the confines of my Volvo.
The tiny panties that accompanied her bra were so insignificant that I simply pushed them aside to get to her heat. She was hot and wet as my fingers plunged into her, and I wanted more than anything to be buried inside of her body. She stroked me in kind until I could take no more.
I verbalized my protest, and sheathed myself with care so that she could be mine. I lifted her up and positioned her opening over my anxious cock. In one swift move, she was mine, and I felt complete. My body instinctively pounded against her, and I relished each squeak and cry that she released. After a few moments, I was able to calm the beast within me and enjoy her slowly. Our eyes finally met, and my soul sighed in relief.
There were no words exchanged as her body writhed against mine. Our hands and eyes held a thousand silent conversations as my mind chanted her name. This was exactly what I’d been missing for over a month. The rest of the world didn’t matter when we were together. When her body was linked with mine, we were an impenetrable force. I savored every slide. Her tight beauty wrapped around my pulsing need was an incomparable pleasure. In time, she took the lead, guiding both of us to our peak and arching her body gracefully as she came apart in my arms. I held her tight, never releasing her from my hold.
We spoke words I can’t remember, and smiled endlessly. Where I ended, she began, and came around full circle to me once more. I’d never felt this kind of connection or pleasure with a woman in my entire life. The realization was daunting, but I couldn’t bring myself to resent it. I had waited too long to be with her again, and I wasn’t sure I could ever let go. Those thoughts weren’t realistic or reasonable, but I allowed them to linger in my mind regardless.
Eventually, we were forced to face reality and let go. We laughed at the awkward task of putting our clothes back on, and the ease I felt with her was refreshing. There was no trying anymore. We had reconnected, and now we could just be. A new dawn had certainly risen, and though I didn’t know where we would go from here, I knew the tension was all behind us.
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