Rating: M
Characters: Jasper & Bella
Warning: reference to character death
Summary: After tragedy in Volterra, Jasper is the only one who can comfort the family. Two years later, Eleazar brings home a newborn in need of nurturing & guidance. An unlikely bond forms between a girl & the man who once tried to kill her. For the Love of Jasper contest entry - New Moon AU
Beta/pre-reader credits: keepingupwiththekids
“’Tis devastating to lose a mate.”
For the first time since I entered the gathering room of the three Volturi leaders, my attention was drawn to the bored looking and otherwise silent Marcus. When I arrived, Aro and Caius had risen from their mismatched throne chairs and approached me. Other members of the guard stood around the room, casually watching our exchange, but Marcus never moved. Until this time, he was a statue in his throne, staring absently out a high window.
The emotions in the room had been a strange blend of aggression, humor, spite, curiosity, and smug pride. Aro met me with suspicious friendliness, but I had yet to make sense of anything. It had been five days since Alice and Bella disappeared to rescue Edward from his suicide mission to Italy. The family hoped for the best, but feared the worst. In the end, I convinced them that I should be the only one to go after my wife and brother. If something went wrong, no one else should have to suffer.
At his words, I snapped my head to look at Marcus. Carefully tuning into his emotions I had otherwise ignored in the heavy swirl from the other vampires, I felt my stony knees buckle.
Pity.
Sorrow.
The odd sensation of reminiscing.
Understanding.
All coming from Marcus.
“What have you done?” I growled, my eyes darting away from the stoic creature to his brothers. It was the first time I had lost my composure in their presence, and while I understood the danger, I didn’t care. I needed answers.
Caius chuckled lowly before Aro could silence him.
“Tsk, tsk, brother. Can’t you see Major Whitlock only seeks answers?”
“Tell me where my family is,” I practically begged. Another swell of emotion hit me from Marcus’s direction, and his words repeated in my mind.
“’Tis devastating to lose a mate.”
Carlisle’s stories of his time in Volterra came back to me. Aro and Caius had wives. Marcus did not. At one time, there had been three wives, but one had somehow been destroyed. No other details existed that Carlisle knew. Now Marcus felt pity for me and spoke of losing a mate.
No!
“No! Noooooooo!” I cried out, falling to the floor and shoving my fist through the thick stone.
I was infinitesimally aware that several members of the guard had stepped in front of their masters, but they didn’t realize I had no will to attack. Yes, it would have felt good to take my aggression out on one or any of them, but it would serve no purpose. Somewhere in my mind, I knew this was a possibility – a likelihood – before I even came here. One could never be prepared to lose his soul mate, but I wasn’t without warning.
“I seek no revenge,” I said in a voice so low and fast that only other immortals could hear. “I came for answers, so please tell me what has happened. Allow me to return to my family with the truth. If not for my sake, then for your old friend Carlisle.”
“Yes,” Aro said as I peered up at him. “I do not wish any suffering upon dear Carlisle, but he knows the law. Your family exposed our secret to a human, and there is no exception for that. We were also forced to destroy a family with two children on account of your brother’s stunt. I am sure you are aware that we work diligently to keep Volterra a safe place for humans.”
I nodded in agreement. Alice and Edward both knew the law. Edward had provoked the Volturi and succeeded. In his haste, he took my Alice with them.
“So Alice and Edward…they have been…destroyed?” I asked shakily. The words tasted worse than any human food on my tongue.
Aro tipped his chin once. “A disappointing loss indeed.”
“And the human?” I asked, unsure whether to mention her name or not.
Caius looked away, and Aro pursed his ancient lips. “Dead,” he said simply.
My own grief and anger filled me to the point that I could no longer focus on any of the other emotions within the room. All I wanted to do was go home. The thought of seeking my own destruction ghosted through me, but I quickly squashed it out, knowing that Esme could not endure another loss. Alice had been my sole reason for joining Carlisle’s coven, but my loyalty to them had grown with time. Even if the arrangement had the potential to add to my suffering, it seemed cruel and unnecessary to abandon them when I was the only one who could offer them any peace. Aro granted my release, and I made the long and painful journey back to my family in New York.
…………………
Two Years Later
The family – or rather the remaining members of our family – gathered around Esme’s enormous oak dining room table. Carlisle had called the five of us together for a meeting, presumably to discuss where our family would travel next. We had been in New York for three years and had all begun to feel it was time to move along.
“I received a phone call today,” he began. “It seems our dear friend Eleazar has come upon a unique situation and seeks our help.”
We returned to Denali only a week later, prepared to assist our cousins with the young vampire that had been taken in by their family. A month before, Eleazar had been called upon by the Volturi for one last favor – a condition of his departure from the guard many years before. They possessed a newborn female who had not fed a single time since her change. They tempted her with humans and animals of all varieties, but she never budged. Supposedly, she stayed curled in a ball in the corner of her room the entire time. Eleazar’s ability to identify gifts had been a last resort to figure out what was wrong with the girl. He determined that the vampire was, in fact, some sort of shield, yet he didn’t see how that could make her resistant to feeding or speaking. He suspected that they had believed she would have some special ability as a vampire, but in this state, she was of no use to the guard. When the Volturi seemed to be giving up on her, Eleazar made a bold move and asked to bring her home, rather than see her destroyed. Somehow, they agreed.
“Come, she’s just in here,” the tall, dark man said, leading Carlisle and I down the hall. For the sake of the strange girl, only the two of us accompanied him for this initial visit. We had the most experience with young vampires, and my abilities were available, if necessary. Before the bedroom door was even opened, a tidal wave of agony hit me. I stumbled back into the opposite wall of the hall, feeling my father’s hand reach out to support me.
“She’s miserable,” I said, shaking my head back and forth. “I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anyone else who felt that kind of pain. It’s the way I feel about…Alice,” I said, whispering my lost love’s name.
“Can you calm her?” Carlisle asked earnestly.
“I’ll try,” I replied, but before I could, we heard movement from within the room. The girl must have heard us speaking.
The door flung off the hinges suddenly, pulling some of the doorframe with it. Before us stood a face we never thought we would see again, yet it was somehow different. Reality sank in quickly, but neither of us could speak. We stared at the small, familiar, chestnut-haired vampire for only a moment before she flung her arms around our necks simultaneously. Tearless sobs wracked her body against ours.
“Bella, my dear sweet child,” Carlisle whispered, returning her embrace. Instantly, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie had joined us in the hall.
………………..
The shock was greater than any of us had expected. When I delivered the news that the Volturi had destroyed Alice and Edward and that Bella had been killed, the family was utterly devastated. But we all knew it was a possibility. Our hopes had been for the best, yet we understood the likely reality of provoking vampire royalty. One can never truly prepare to lose a loved one, but those terrible events were not ruled out of our minds.
This, however, was not a turn of events that any of us ever imagined. Bella was dead. We had all said goodbye to her as though she were a part of the family because, really, she was, regardless of Edward’s decision to leave her in Forks.
Discovering that Bella was not gone, but instead here in our home, with all of us, caused an indescribable amount of confusion. Aro had told me that Bella was dead. Truly, he did not lie. Human Bella was indeed dead, but her existence carried on as a vampire. I had never considered that he would lie by omission about something like that. It raised a million questions about why the Volturi had kept her, and furthermore, why they had allowed Eleazar to take her. There were also new questions about my wife and brother, and if I was deceived about the reason for their deaths as well.
Shock and confusion were the greatest of the emotions pouring out of the other four Cullens. The Denalis added to this greatly, as they had never met Bella, and it took them a little longer to figure out what was happening. The anxiety of those feelings, combined with my own, was crushing. Other emotions came like tidal waves - happiness, hope, joy, reunion, fear, hesitance, contempt, loss – the list was endless. Within only a few moments, I could hardly tell who each feeling came from or the reason for that emotion. It was too much, too strong, all at once. I could scarcely make sense of the situation myself, and I had the reactions of ten other vampires weighing on me.
A deep, violent growl rumbled in my chest, growing until it became loud enough to stun my family. I could hardly function well enough to project any kind of calm or control into this situation.
“Stop!” I bellowed. “I need to get out of here. Move!”
My ever understanding companions quickly cleared a path for my escape, but it was Bella, to all our surprise, who spoke.
“Please don’t leave me!” she cried, lynching her arms around my neck. “Make it stop. Please Jasper, make it stop hurting.”
A veil of need seemed to cover the rest of the emotions in the hall, allowing me to focus on Bella alone. The sheer agony struck me with great force, and I knew what I needed to do. Her meek begging was not unwarranted. She remembered me. She knew what I could do. No matter how much pain her suffering brought me, I could not refuse her this opportunity for relief.
In a fraction of a second, I scooped her up in my arms and dashed out of the house. As I ran, she clung to me, sobbing and convulsing against my chest. I continued until we were somewhere in Canada, far from any form of civilization and any of our family. They could track me if they wished to, but I knew they wouldn’t. There would be too much for them to process on their own without worrying about where I had taken Bella.
No words were exchanged when I stopped. I fell to the ground, sinking into the layers of untouched leaves and sticks on the forest floor. My back rested against a tree that was hundreds of years old as I held Bella in my lap, my arms secured around her trembling form. I closed my eyes, meditating on the serene quiet of the forest and projecting that peace and calm to her. The slender body, perfected by immortality, stiffened at the first wave I sent her, causing me to falter uncharacteristically. I focused harder, sending a heavier blanket that eventually allowed her to relax in my arms. As soon as she accepted my gift, the process became easier. The relief flowed from me like the smooth current of a stream, turning Bella’s own emotions in a better direction.
The sun set and rose and still Bella did not move from my hold on her. She drank up the peace I gave her like the blood of one thousand humans, free for the taking. Her anguish still lingered, but I knew that the calm was helping. As difficult as it was for me to project so much for so long while warring with her intense pain, I did not resent her for it. A part of me relished this strange bonding, for no matter how much my family suffered at the loss of Alice and Edward, no one ever felt it as deeply as I did. No one, until Bella. She may have only been a mortal at the time, but Edward was her mate for all intents and purposes. We shared a kinship in our mutual loss - the eternal hole in your soul when you lose the person who is not just an extension of your heart, but is your heart.
No, I did not mind doing this for Bella. We understood one another, and as much as she needed me, I needed her. She afforded me the opportunity to mourn and grieve, as I had never been able to with my family.
For three and a half days we sat, completely still and silent together. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and only once did I respond to the incessant calls. I typed a simple text message, we’re fine, and turned off the device. In the final day, Bella began taking the occasional breath, albeit unnecessary. I presumed she was tasting the air around us, attempting to acquaint herself with our surroundings.
When she finally moved, shifting her body so that she could open her eyes and look at me, I saw that they were pure black. I had met vampires who had not fed for long periods, but this was such an impossible darkness that it disturbed me. Her other features, however, were pristine. Her already pale skin was now porcelain and luminescent. The soft face we used to know now held the definition of immortal beauty. She was Bella, but more. During the change, her hair had lengthened and her breasts had swelled. Each curve was accentuated and defined, while her marble-like muscle smoothed out each limb to utter perfection. There was no way to deny that she had become a magnificent creature in her immortality.
“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice more resonant than I remembered it.
I nodded once, unsure of what to do next. “It’s true that you have never fed?” I asked, though the question was unnecessary. Her eyes revealed the truth. Now that I could peel back the layers of her emotions, I sensed the burning hunger that she kept locked tightly within this steel frame.
“No,” she replied simply.
“Why?”
“I’m afraid of what I’ll become.”
I closed my eyes solemnly as understanding hit me. She really was more like me than I had originally assumed.
“Bella, this is who you are now. Neither of us can get back what we lost…who we lost, but no good will come of depriving yourself. You cannot destroy yourself that way.”
“I always hoped that if I did not feed, if I did not do anything they would just kill me. Then I could be with him again.”
We sat in silence for a while longer after her admission. I knew her sentiment well, though I had dealt with my circumstances in a much different way. She rested against my chest once more, not out of physical need, but for comfort. The closeness was both foreign and refreshing. I held her to me, stroking her long hair down her back.
“You need to hunt. You have no choice. The question is what kind of diet you would prefer.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed, sitting up to face me again. “No humans! Of course not!”
“Come on, then,” I said, pulling us both to our feet. “I’ll teach you how to track animals. I’m not sure exactly where we are, but I assume there will be a variety of deer and other herbivores. There are probably bear and possibly some wild cats or wolves. The carnivores will taste better, but we’ll just have to see what we can find.”
“No wolves,” she said suddenly, and I gave her a questioning look.
“Why not?”
“I…I’ll explain another time. It just doesn’t feel right.”
I could feel her panic at the thought, but I did not press the issue.
“Okay, no wolves,” I agreed. “Now here is what I want you to do…”
…………………
The hunt went better than expected, and by sunrise Bella had taken down five different animals. I could tell that her thirst had not yet been sated. The black in her eyes was still a deep hue, and I knew it would take many days and many animals before any sort of color could fill her irises. Her newborn blood was long gone, so at least they would become some shade of gold once the color returned.
Unfortunately, her clothing was very nearly destroyed. With practice, it was possible to hunt without getting blood on one’s clothes or tearing the delicate fabrics, but Bella was inexperienced. Her hunting instincts were raw and untrained, and the wild creature within her only cared about one thing once she caught scent of her prey. Ripping her shirt during a wrestling match with a wild cat was the least of her concerns. Out of respect, I kept my eyes to myself as much as I could and gave her my shirt when we had finished.
Upon a short conversation, I knew that Bella was not ready to return to the family yet. She needed time to quench her thirst now that she had unleashed the hungry beast within, and a crowd of other vampires would be distracting. The last thing any of us needed was for Bella to get territorial during a hunt and attack someone. She also needed time to process the recent changes and all the emotions that being with the family brought back to her. Thanks to the finest in satellite technology, I was able to phone Carlisle and explain the circumstances to him. We arranged a drop off point where they would leave clothes for us, and Bella and I planned to stay away from Denali until she felt ready to return.
When the mood struck, we would hunt. Bella tried a variety of animals, describing the flavor of each one to me. I was already familiar with such things, but we all had our own preferences when it came to our favorite prey. By night we would find a clearing or outcropping of rocks where we could gaze at the stars. It was those quiet moments when she needed me the most, and I willingly gave her the blanket of refuge she desired. The more we practiced our ritual, the easier it became for me. Though her deepest feelings were black, horrid and full of suffering, I found my own comfort in offering her some relief. The calm I projected would cover the less favorable emotions and reflect her relaxed mood back upon me. It was a peculiar symbiosis, but I did not question it, for it was certainly making my life a little better. The only other time I had ever felt such a connection to another person was the love I shared with my Alice. This was a different kind of understanding, but it was something we both needed.
Actual conversations were sparse. A great deal of healing needed to take place before Bella was prepared to tell us her story. I could feel when she would reminisce about the good times with Edward, and I could sense the moments when her mind would stray to her years in Volterra. I still did not know why they changed her or what had occurred prior to Eleazar’s arrival, but I knew that the memories were not pleasant ones for Bella.
After eight days, Bella’s eyes were a deep, rich amber.
On the tenth day, she challenged me to a race. She was quite fast.
On the thirteenth day, she shoved me out of the way as we sped toward a herd of elk. A bloody smile graced her lips after she had drained the largest male. It was the first smile I had seen on her vampire face and perhaps the first time she had smiled at all since being changed.
Fourteen days into our hunting expedition, I heard her laugh heartily when a bear sliced my pants open in a very compromising location. I laughed as well, luxuriating in how refreshing it was to feel joy again.
That night, Bella laid her head on my stomach as we watched a meteor shower in the clear Canadian skies. My fingers absentmindedly carded through her soft hair as I shared my peace with her. The calm she returned to me was greater than it had been thus far.
The morning of the twenty-first day, Bella perched on the edge of a cliff to watch the sunrise. Her soul was still a tumultuous wreck, but on this day, a glittering speck of hope lingered without my assistance. I watched her watching the sun, and I knew that something had changed within her heart and mind. Skin sparkling under the fresh light of day, she turned her now golden eyes to me and smiled.
“I’m ready to go back.”
The run took the entire day, with a small break when Bella caught the scent of a wild cat. She took the beast, and I drank from the poor creature it had taken down just moments before our arrival. It would have been a shame to waste the freshly spilled blood. We arrived shortly after sunset, greeted outside the house by Carlisle and Eleazar.
“Welcome back,” Eleazar said warmly.
“Bella, you look much better,” Carlisle nodded, and to our surprise, she enveloped him in a hug.
“I’ve missed you,” she told him softly. We all understood that she was speaking of more than the few weeks the two of us had been gone. “And Eleazar,” she said turning toward our friend. “Thank you. I don’t believe it is any coincidence that you were the one to bring me home.”
“Nor do I. We have much to learn about one another, child.”
They left us alone outside the house, and Bella pulled me toward the edge of the property before going inside. I could feel some of her anxiety creeping back. I hated knowing that the comfort she felt while we were away was dissipating already. We stood face to face, hands clasped between us as she looked up at me.
“Jasper, I know I’ve said it several times already, but thank you for everything you have done for me. This life has been pure hell for me from the moment…well, you know. I never thought I would be allowed to leave Volterra, much less be here with all of you. There is no way I could handle this without you, you know that, right?”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I said sincerely. “It’s actually been…nice to be with someone who…”
“Understands?”
“Yes.”
“I just wish I could be there for you the way you have been for me,” she said softly.
“You already have been, Bella.”
Her arms wrapped around my waist, drawing her head closer to rest against my chest. “I miss them so much,” she whispered.
“I do, too. You have no idea.”
…………………
No matter how understanding or compassionate anyone else in either coven was, they could not provide Bella with any sense of true relief from her ongoing and constant self-loathing. No one resented her for being alive when Edward and Alice were not, but she felt enough of that herself to make up for everyone else. She was an utter mess.
But all her turmoil was familiar to me. It was exactly what I felt inside each and every day.
I had coalesced with the emotions of countless humans and vampires, and in all my years, I never encountered someone like Bella. Instead of her feelings intermingling with my own, they were weaved of the same thread. Anything happening inside her slight but powerful body had already occurred within my own. It was not until she returned to our family that I realized the extent of my own anguish. Now that she was with us, I never wanted to let her go.
It was as though she was now an extension of my own self. My body tuned into hers in a way I had never experienced before. No matter who else was in our proximity, her angst-ridden, rueful being had a way of reaching out for my own.
I gave my powers to her need willingly.
In the days that followed, she slowly began revealing bits and pieces of her story. We all expected the parts when she was still human to be foggy, but her clarity was remarkable. Eleazar could not say for certain whether it had something to do with her ability or if it was the fact that she understood the transformation process prior to it happening to her. The retellings were always brief, stopping when the heartache became too much for both of us. They always ended with the two of us escaping from the house while the others processed the horrific details. In the times in between, Bella attempted to spend time with the family, especially wanting to orient herself with the Denalis. By the time she would finish, an ache would set into her soul…and my own. It was one that could only be soothed by being together.
“Jasper,” she whispered one night as we lay beneath a starry sky.
“Hmm?” I hummed thoughtlessly, pulling my attention back to her.
“You can’t ever be away from me,” she said quiet, yet fervently. “I’m learning how to deal with things…how to be around the others, but I don’t think I could survive without you.”
I considered her words as they seeped into my mind. She was right. Even though I was the one frequently offering her relief from the strains of this life without our soul mates and loves, it was a co-dependence. I needed this woman just as much as she needed me. The bond we shared with our mates, dead or not, would never fade from our faultless minds. Neither of us would ever truly be whole again. I found peace in her understanding. For the first time in my long life, someone had true empathy for the empath.
“I promise you, Bella, I will never leave. You think you need me, but I am the one who needs you. I will never be far.”
I did not know where this life would lead us or where we might go, but I was certain that we would be together. Her friendship had so quickly become my stronghold and my fortress. As long as I existed, I would be her constant and faithful companion. Together, we would heal. Together, we would rebuild.
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