Jasper POV
Bella wasn’t answering her phone, and I was going absolutely crazy. I called her the minute I stepped off the plane, hoping I would be able to see her as soon as possible. Twenty minutes later, my luggage had been loaded into a cab and I was on my way home. I called again - no answer. Opening the door to my apartment, I silently prayed that some sign of life would be inside. She hadn’t said whether she was staying here or not, but my hopes were high. A defeated sigh blew all the air out of my lungs when I saw that the entire place remained untouched since my departure. Another phone call left me with the same results. In an act of desperation, I called the apartment, hoping that I might find her there. Again, no answer.
She has to be at the studio. Go! My mind played that thought in a loop, beckoning me to seek her until I finally gave up the fight. I grabbed my keys from the counter and took the stairs down to the parking garage.
The drive had been fast, and standing on the sidewalk below Bella’s studio, my heart soared. Her car was parked nearby, so I knew she was there.
I’m not sure why, but my hand moved toward the door instead of the buzzer. To my surprise, it was unlocked, an anomaly for Bella. Pushing the door open, I called her name softly, scanning the open space for her slender frame. She was nowhere in sight, but I quickly realized that a light bulb was shining above the door to her darkroom, indicating that the room was in use. She was in there. Approaching the revolving door, I heard the sound of crying and began to panic.
Was she hurt? Sick? What could possibly go wrong in her darkroom that would have Bella sobbing that way?
Rotating the door until the opening faced me, I leapt inside and spun it until I could enter the red-lit room. My eyes took a moment to adjust, but my ears did not. I followed the sound to the floor and was soon able to see her in a heap on the tile.
“Bella? What the hell is going on here? Are you all right? Are you hurt?” I sputtered in a panic.
It took a moment for her to register my presence, but once she did, her arms wound around my neck, pulling me to her. I had been crouching next to her, but the needful violence of her embrace forced me onto my knees. Quickly wrapping my arms around her, I drew her to me, readjusting my position so that I could hold her shaking body in my lap.
“Shh, it’s all right, sugar. I’m here,” I whispered soothingly. “Tell me what’s the matter so I can help you. Please, Bella.”
Glancing around the confined space, I searched for something, anything that would give me a clue about her breakdown. Nothing seemed out of place, broken or spilled. Bella wasn’t bleeding or screaming, just crying. Finally, my gaze drifted to a number of photographs scattered across the floor. I squinted to see what they could be and was surprised to find a multitude of snapshot of me. Did I make her cry?
“Bella, sweetie, I need you to calm down. If I did something to upset you, I am so, so sorry. Please just talk to me.”
Suddenly, her head cocked up at me, brows furrowed and eyes concerned. “Why would I be upset with you?”
“I don’t know. You don’t answer your phone and then I come here to find you balling over a bunch of pictures of me.”
“No! It’s not you!” she exclaimed as she wiggled herself around until we were chest to chest, completely tangled up in one another. “I’m the one who did something wrong. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I just couldn’t…just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready. Please don’t hate me!”
“Oh god, Bella, I could never hate you,” I told her, planting a firm kiss on the top of her head as she tried to bury her face in my neck. “I’m disappointed, but only because I want you with me all the time. I want to be able to fall asleep and wake up in the same bed with you.”
We kissed until all her hysterics had faded away and her heartbeat was calm and even.
“I missed you,” she said, leaning her forehead against mine.
“I can tell,” I teased, gesturing toward the piles of photos scattered across the floor. “Let’s get out of here for a while, yeah?”
……………….
Two weeks passed, and nothing changed. Yes, Bella and I grew closer, learned more about one another, and reaffirmed our feelings repeatedly, but she still had not ended things with Alice. Unfortunately, there was little I could do about it, so I continued on as the ever-understanding…what was I anyway? Boyfriend? Was there a male word for mistress? Hell, I didn’t know what I was, and it sucked. She told me over and over again that it was going to happen soon, but it wasn’t my place to push her. So I waited.
One Saturday morning, we got lucky when Alice was off for a spa day. A group of us had reservations at some trendy new restaurant that night, and apparently, Alice wanted to look her best. She had begged Bella come along for massages and seaweed wraps, but a small lie about an appointment got my girl out of it.
We found ourselves in my bed a few hours later, curled up together after trying a few more new positions at Bella’s request. We had made our way through her short list and had since moved on to some others she had never attempted. I was definitely not complaining about that.
Her naked body pressed up against mine, smooth, silky and somehow softer than any woman I had ever been with.
“What do you do, bathe in lotion?” I asked as my hand rounded over her perfect little ass. “God you feel so good, Bella.”
Her giggled response was enough for me. There was just something about that giggle that always did it for me. Maybe it was the unadulterated joy or the tender innocence in the sound, but it always made my heart skip a beat. As for other parts of me, well, yes, there were other reactions to that sound, too.
“I want to do this with you every day,” I mused.
“Fuck me senseless?” she teased.
“Yes, but that’s not what I meant,” I replied, squeezing the back of her thigh and dragging it over my hip. “I want to be able to be with you like this whenever I want. Will it ever be that way?”
Her eyes squeezed shut, and her chin dipped down into her chest to hide from me. Unfortunately, I was quite familiar with this reaction. It was full of guilt and pain, but never the follow through I craved. Bella’s body inched away from mine, but that only caused me to strengthen my hold on her. This conversation needed to happen. She had made me so many promises, but I was still waiting. Yes, I had her body now, but I couldn’t completely have her heart until she was mine and only mine. It wasn’t as though I could force her into this, so I waited, waited, waited.
Tucking her head into my chest as she began to silently sob, I stroked and kissed her hair.
“Bella, sweetie, you know I don’t want you to cry. Will you look up and talk to me?”
The sound she mumbled was a tortured denial to my request, but I persisted, asking repeatedly until she looked up at me. Her eyes were wet and puffy, and the sight of my beautiful girl so upset did awful things to my heart. If a lead weight had been placed on my chest, it would have hurt less than seeing her that way.
“Please, Bella. I just want to understand what’s going on here. You keep telling me you’re going to do it, but we’ve made no progress. I told you I would be here for you no matter what. Why won’t you let me be here for you?”
Her little hand reached up to caress my cheek, pushing away lines of frustration that must have formed there. “Can’t we just get through tonight first?” Slithering against my naked body with her own, she began to roll and slide sensually. A kiss under the curve of my jaw, moving toward my chin...a soft hand dragged from my hip, all the way up my body until it tangled in my hair... “Just tonight, Jasper. I need you. Always. You have to believe me. Don’t hate me because I’m so weak and stupid. Don’t hate me for making you wait.”
I was completely hard again, and my mind could no longer process words and serious thoughts correctly. My mouth found hers, erasing all the unspoken thoughts that had been sitting on the tip of my tongue. We moved together, rocking and rubbing until she was over me, sliding down my cock and giving me the one thing that she could right now.
………………..
My hands fisted beneath the cover of the table for what must have been the hundredth time that night. I breathed heavily through my nose, my nostrils flaring slightly with the force. This night was fucking torture, and there were so many triggers to make me react this way.
Alice lovingly brushing a piece of hair away from Bella’s face, carefully tucking the long strands behind her ear.
Alice seeking Bella’s opinion on a particular topic of conversation.
Alice smiling at Bella.
Kissing her cheek.
Kissing her erotically disproportional lips.
Stroking her arm.
Holding her hand.
Placing a hand on her knee.
Sliding said hand toward the hem of Bella’s skirt.
Smiling.
Laughing.
Loving.
Killing me.
Bella avoided my gaze, presumably because of the obvious way my mood affected her. Each time she saw my stony expression, the sparkle would leave her eyes and the life would escape her laughter. She seemed to enjoy Alice’s attention, but when she considered me, her obligatory remorse would return.
I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I just had to survive the night.
What the fuck was she doing? What was she planning? Alice obviously didn’t notice that anything was amiss with Bella, which meant that things at home must be business as usual where she was concerned. If Bella had hinted that she was unhappy or had made any changes in their relationship, surely Alice wouldn’t be so affectionate in public. It was truly no different from the way Alice had behaved before Bella and I gave in to our desire, and that was not a good sign for me.
My fear of losing Bella was in full effect, grating away at my confidence in our future. Deep down in my heart, I knew she wanted and needed me, just as I did her, but we had not made any progress yet. Could she possibly be lying to me? Manipulating me? Using me? That thought turned the crab cakes and wine in my stomach, and I left the table without so much as acknowledging Bella, Alice, or any of our other dinner companions.
After a quick dash to the restroom, I locked myself in a stall and expelled my dinner into the toilet. My mouth was putrid and sour, matching my mood perfectly. I exited the stall, finding myself incredibly grateful for the restroom attendant holding a small bottle of mouthwash and hand towel out for me. I thanked him and tossed a ten-dollar bill in his tip basket. Cleaning up slowly, I prepared to leave the restroom and head straight for my car in the parking lot. Well, until my cell phone chirped in my pocket.
Are you all right?
I stared at Bella’s message, trying to think of the best way to respond. Finally, I settled on the most honest answer I could find.
No.
Moments later, my phone chirped again.
I’m sorry. Please come back.
Even through a telephone and a few simple words, she owned me. I pushed the door open and turned toward our table in the dining room. Bella stared at me with concern, her eyes begging for answers, but it was Alice who asked.
“Jasper, are you feeling okay?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” I lied. “My manager was on the phone.”
“Well, all right. I thought maybe you got sick,” she said with a soft smile.
“Nope, I’m great.” Lies, lies, lies.
“In that case, why don’t you join in the conversation? You’ve been so quiet all night.” Her hand rested over Bella’s on the table, but Bella quickly pulled hers into her lap when she saw me staring. “What ever happened with you and Tanya? I haven’t seen much of you lately to get an update!”
Glancing at Bella, I saw a look of disdain and maybe even a little possessiveness. Though my woeful expression was directed at my girl, Alice must have taken it as an indication that things had not gone well with Tanya.
“Not good, huh?” she asked. “I thought you two would be so great together, but I guess I was wrong. Sorry for asking.”
“No, no, Alice, it’s fine,” I answered quickly. “It didn’t end poorly, we just didn’t have that spark, you know? Plus, I’ll be leaving the city eventually, so there’s really no purpose getting into a long term relationship.”
My eyes flickered to Bella, who wore an expression I didn’t expect. Tears were welling in her eyes, and I immediately understood what was going though her mind. Could she possible think that applied to her as well?
I shook my head in her direction, trying to dissolve her reaction. When Alice looked away, I gave Bella a quick wink and managed to plaster a small, quick smile on my face. The tension in her body visibly eased, but it still did little for my own discomfort. Alice’s hand was back on Bella’s thigh. My thigh. Did I have a right to feel possessive of Bella’s body? I had no fucking clue which way was up or down anymore, and that was the most aggravating part of all.
Dinner was pretty much awful, but I survived it, escaping to my car as soon as we walked out the doors of the restaurant. I could hear puzzled goodbyes called out behind me, but I only waved a hand over my head to return the sentiments. Getting the fuck out of there was my main priority. I didn’t even say goodnight to Bella before leaving.
I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel given the number of drinks it took to keep me from ripping Bella out of Alice’s hold, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Getting home was priority number one.
Once inside my apartment, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the leather sofa. Pulling a blanket from the ottoman and tucking a pillow under my head, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come to me. There was no way I could bring myself to lie in my bed right now – the bed where I had made love to Bella earlier that day. I was too raw and sore right now. I needed to stay away from the memories of her, the mental pictures of her body splayed out across the wide bed, and her succulent scent that drenched my sheets.
Sometime later, the ringing of my phone woke me. The room was dark and blurry, but light of the illuminated screen glowed within my pocket. Shifting until I could get my hand inside, I pulled the phone out and examined the caller ID.
Bella.
I couldn’t ignore it; my heart wouldn’t allow that.
“Hello?”
“Hi,” she replied meekly.
I lay there silently until she spoke again.
“I’m sorry, Jasper.”
“What time is it?”
“Some time after two, I think.”
“How are you calling me?”
“Ali is asleep. I’m in the guest bedroom.”
I sighed in frustration, raking my free hand over my face as I tried to wake up a little more.
“I’m sorry,” she sighed softly.
“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” I asked earnestly. “Are you even aware what was wrong with me tonight?” A hint of angry frustration broke through my tone, causing her to squeak in surprise.
“I…yeah, I get it.”
“No, Bella. I don’t think you do,” I pressed. “I want you to say it.”
“Okay, so I’m a total bitch for making you sit through dinner while I played happy couple with Alice,” she snapped suddenly, but her voice was broken. “What am I supposed to do? Not let her touch me at all? She’s my girlfriend!”
“That’s the fucking problem, Bella!” I shouted, standing up from the sofa and pacing my living room. “You’re supposed to be with me. You said that you wanted me, yet you’re still with her. I feel like we’ve had this conversation a thousand times. When the fuck are you going to get it? When are you going to realize that this isn’t some game to me and that I’m not a toy for your amusement? This affects me so damn much. It was torture to see that tonight.”
With the exception of her quiet sobs and sniffles on the other end, the line was silent. Defeated, I fell back to the sofa, resting my elbows on my knees.
“This isn’t easy for me, Jasper.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Stop it!” she sob-shouted. “Shit! See, now I’m yelling and I’m probably going to wake her up.”
“Then I’ll go.”
”No, please don’t,” she begged. “I’m sorry that I keep fucking things up. I’m sorry that I’m a spineless jellyfish over all of this. It kills me to know that I’m hurting you, and it kills me to know that I’m going to hurt Alice when I leave. No matter what I do, I’m the bad guy. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”
“Yeah, I do,” I countered. “I’m stealing my childhood friend’s girlfriend, and I nag you like a housewife about it almost every day.”
“Please believe me when I say I have no doubts about us. I’m just having a really hard time doing this. My whole world is changing,” she said softly.
Sitting up and running my fingers across the smooth leather surface of the sofa, I knew that I just wanted her. I knew that I would wait and suffer through every ounce of torture, even if it killed me. I belonged to her.
“Come here,” I said suddenly. “Just come here and be with me. I can’t even sleep in my bed without you. I need you, Bella.”
“I need you too.”
“Then come to me.”
“I can’t,” she sighed.
“Yes, you can. Put on your shoes and a coat, grab your keys and come here. Be with me.”
“It’s the middle of the night, Jasper. I’ll come first thing in the morning, after you’ve had some sleep. I can say I’m going to the gym and running errands. We’ll have most of the day together.”
That was the problem. I didn’t want most of the day with her, I wanted all day with her. I wanted every minute, every moment. Feeling resigned and depressed, I lay back down on the sofa and pulled my blanket over my body once more.
“Goodnight, my Bella.”
“Oh, um, okay then. Goodnight, Jasper. I miss you. I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”
I snapped my phone shut and tossed it onto the coffee table with a loud clunk. Closing my eyes, I begged sleep to come back to me. Eventually, it did.
………………….
Something brushed across my face, sending my hand up to involuntarily swat it away. It happened again, followed by a delicate giggle.
“Open your eyes, sleepyhead.”
Bella was here.
Peeling my eyelids open, I pulled her body, which had been kneeling beside me, up onto the sofa with me. She lay awkwardly across my prone form and wiggled around until she was half on top of me, half leaning against the back of the sofa. Her creamy white skin was a striking contrast to the black leather, reminding me of the affection she felt for black and white photography. She fit into my space effortlessly.
Needing to claim her, I attacked her mouth with my own before she was even fully settled. I didn’t care that my mouth probably tasted like the inside of a garbage can or that I was still wearing my clothes from the night before. She was here with me, at long last. Better late than never.
“Good morning to you too, baby,” she cooed.
My body stiffened immediately. “Don’t call me that,” I said flatly.
“Call you what?” Her manicured eyebrows pressed together in confusion, but despite her expression, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Baby. Haven’t you ever noticed that I don’t use that term?”
“Uhh, no, I guess not, but come to think of it…” she trailed off quietly. “That’s what Alice and I call each other,” she mumbled when it finally clicked.
“Exactly,” I affirmed.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” She buried her face in my shoulder, but I pulled her away. “I keep making this worse and worse, don’t I?” she said dejectedly.
“Bella,” I said, wrapping my arms around her a little tighter and looking into her eyes. “I just want to be with you. You and me, no one else.” The sadness and shame in her eyes was heartbreaking, but I knew this needed to be said. “I don’t want to share you anymore.”
“I know…” she rasped, breaking eye contact.
“The way things are going, I don’t know if you’re cheating on Alice with me, or if you’re cheating on me with Alice. Last night was…” I drifted off. “That made me question what you really want.”
For the second time in the last day, I felt the need to vomit. Her body began to quiver against mine until she was crying. With her face hidden in my shoulder, the sound was muffled, but it didn’t make it any easier for me to take. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel more pain, but maybe this was what she needed.
I wasn’t exaggerating or trying to play with her emotions. Bella had promised herself to me in so many ways, yet it was quite apparent that some form of a physical relationship remained between her and Alice. I couldn’t rightfully ask her to stay faithful to me when Alice was technically still her girlfriend, but it didn’t feel right for her to be intimate with both of us. If those bonds remained between the two women, would Bella ever be able to follow through with a breakup?
“I’m such a terrible person!” she wailed into my shirt.
I couldn’t reply at first. I didn’t think she was terrible, but she was still hurting me. Maybe I deserved it for the way we got together.
“Oh my gosh, you can’t even deny it! You think I’m awful too!”
“No, Bella,” I sighed. “You’re not a terrible person. I could never think that way about you. I just want this to be over with already so we can be together.”
She sat up awkwardly, and I pulled myself up next to her. Facing one another on the sofa, she met my gaze with bleary, red eyes.
“You said something last night,” she began. I listened intently. “When you told Alice about Tanya, you said you would be leaving town soon. What does that mean? Are you going to leave me?”
Pulling her body against mine until she was in my lap, I rocked her lightly, smoothing down her hair and kissing her temple. “No, I don’t want to leave you. Peter called me yesterday, and I have an interview at Wainwright University. They want to discuss that professor position with me.”
“Jasper, that’s wonderful,” she said, giving me a genuine but strangled smile.
“Whether I get that position or not, I never planned to be here long after the mural is complete,” I explained. “Come with me, Bella. Wherever I end up, I won’t be whole without you there with me. You can continue your career practically anywhere. As long as we’re together, it won’t matter, will it?”
Fresh tears streamed down her face as she pressed her lips to mine once more. I met them fiercely, but not forcefully. Her mouth communicated unspoken thoughts to mine, making promises I wanted to believe. The deepest, strongest feelings we shared were there in a tangle of tongues and moist kisses.
“Yes,” she whispered after breaking away. “Yes, I want to be with you. I want to go with you. Whether it’s to San Diego or New York or the South Pole, I just want to be with you.”
“Yeah?” I asked hopefully.
“Yeah,” she affirmed with a soft smile.
“Move in with me. Today, tomorrow, I don’t care. Let’s not wait to start our forever, okay? Be with me.”
She nodded fervently. “I’d love to. I’ll start packing things. Bringing bits and pieces over here so that it won’t be so much all at once when I leave. All right?”
“Yeah…but soon?” I asked, because I had to.
“Mmmhmm,” she hummed. “But for now, I think you could use a shower. I hereby volunteer myself as your official assistant.”
“Shower assistant, huh?” I asked, humor finally making its way back to the surface.
“Oh yes, it’s a very important job.”
“Come to think of it, I could use one of those.”
Ten minutes later, we were beneath the hot spray of the shower together, kissing and touching endless drops of water from glistening skin. She looked so beautiful all wet; slick hair plastered back, soft flesh impossibly silkier and smoother in the water. Her eyes were hungry, greedily taking in every inch of my naked body as she made good on her promise to assist in my shower duties. Though she had obviously already taken a shower today, she allowed me to return the gesture, if only for the shameless opportunity to touch every flawless inch of her body.
A new sense of hope had instilled itself in both our hearts. She would go with me, no matter where or what happened, she would be by my side. My heart thrilled at the notion, and I wished there was some way I could fuse our bodies and souls into one being. The sexual connection was spectacular, but the need to bind myself with her in some spiritual way was undeniable.
I was sharply aware of everything we did in that shower, but at the same time, my mind was in a daze. When her mouth descended my torso, pausing at the erection she had incited, I was in absolute fucking Heaven. That is until she stopped.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” I asked. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding furiously. “Sorry…I just…god, I need you to fuck me.” Her voice was so low and raspy with need that I was achingly hard.
I spun her around, pushing her toward the wall until her palms laid flat on the tile and her legs spread open just past shoulder width. The curve of her ass jutting out toward me was enough to make me lose control and attack her neck and shoulders with my mouth. My teeth nipped, followed quickly by my tongue and lips massaging those places lovingly. I caressed her pert breasts, luxuriating in the way they rolled in my hands thanks to the warm water. My cock flattened against her ass, rubbing and teasing until she begged me to take her.
Then I froze.
“Fuck,” I growled. “No condoms. Let’s get out.”
I started to back away to turn off the water, but her arm hooked around and grabbed my lower back. “No. I went to the doctor,” she told me, looking over her shoulder. “We’re good. Everything is good. We don’t need them.”
In my mind, I was doing a damn happy dance. Leg slapping, hip twirling, arm waving happy dance – something I would never be caught dead doing in real life.
Suddenly, I became an animal. My right hand dipped between her legs, pushing them farther apart as I stroked her lips and flicked her clit. In a matter of seconds, I had her cheeks spread and I thrust inside her gorgeous body.
“Fuuuuuuck, you’re so tight like this,” I groaned in pleasure.
Her every moan and movement matched mine, calling out a song of pure ecstasy and bliss. I moved slowly at first, sinking into her body little by little, then sliding out until only my tip remained within her. That went on a few times until her ass shoved back, enveloping my cock on one of my strokes. After that, I thrust hard and fast. It was not gentle, but I didn’t hurt her. As I pounded away at her, grasping at hips, smooth stomach, shoulders, and breasts for leverage, I couldn’t get enough. Her arms tried to maintain their hold, but she repeatedly collapsed against the tile, forearms and forehead leaning into the cool stone.
This was amazing. Being able to feel Bella’s body without any barrier between us was infuckingcredible. Her heat and slickness engulfed me. The skin-to-skin contact kept a constant stream of shivers and shocks running through every vein in my body, alighting each nerve with excitement. This was exactly how we should be.
After a while, her legs began to tremble and I knew I would only be able to hold her up a little longer. My release was coming soon, and with her high-pitched “oohs” and “ahhs” reverberating within the shower, it wouldn’t take much more.
My fingertips trailed down her smooth stomach, dipping into her navel before pressing into her mound. I circled her sensitive little bundle of nerves frantically, responding to each of her cries with a harder pump into her over stimulated center. She called out my name, legs squeezing together and heightening the deliciously tight grip on my cock as her head hit the tile with a thud.
I only took a few moments longer, clenching my jaw and sinking my fingers into her flesh as I released inside her for the first time. As my seed drained into her body, I never wanted to let her go. My primal side filled me with urges to mark her, claim her, and fill her over and over again so that she could bear my children. I felt like a caveman, but I couldn’t find it in myself to be ashamed. I wanted all of her, and I wanted that kind of future with her someday.
Next Chapter
Previous Chapter
Back to Master List
No comments:
Post a Comment